Week 4-It's almost over...

So I did not write yesterday because I was tired and that I was unsure if I was going to write about a certain issue that has been bothering me. After a night of sleep, as well as recent happenings, I decided to writer about it, keeping it general enough to not incriminate the parties involved. After all, I chose to do this blog, not them.
First things first though, yesterday was OK until the night came. Christina was in a cheerful mood most of the morning, eating well, smiling, giggling, hooting happily. She came to my company's main office and got people to oooh! and ahhh! from many. She is such a ham, and very charming...just like her old man! She did OK but appeared cranky. Cindy was working all day and was in for supper and left to go see a private practice. Christina ate before Cindy left and fell asleep...and she woke up during Catherine's bath and story time...and she did not stop crying for 1+ hour! Let's just say, I was close to losing it.
And before you start shouting at the computer, yes I tried to feed her, to walk her, to rock her, to put her in her swing, look at a different scenery...She was calmed when I put football on and watched it with her...and when my friend came over to watch the game, she took to him nicely and Cindy got home. She did her night routine without much issue and went to bed. And then I got sad...not because of what happened, but that my little girl was going to daycare today. We do this so that she has a "practice run" at daycare with me being available if anything goes awry.
So this morning, I shed many tears watching my girl getting ready to go to daycare. We know the daycare, we know that they did good to Catherine, but I still cried. Yes, I cried. I love my little girl, love being with her, even with all the issues that this implies, and she deserves to be at home more often.
Now comes my biggest sadness: I am not in Montreal with my friends and family. My mother and father have both retired and would be glad to babysit her regularly, instead of having strangers do it. I have friends and family who beg to see my girls every time we go up and usually offer to babysit if we are around. And, more importantly, if we had to use daycare, which we would just for the social aspect, it would be...drum roll please...$7 a day! With state licensed daycares no less. They must adhere to certain specifications. So we could have our girls at day care 1 to 2 days a week (Total: $28 a week if for two days), 1 day with each of us, plus my parents or friends or other family members take care of them. They would also learn my mother tongue, French, a lot quicker. OK, so no guarantee me or Cindy could find a job, but I don't think it would be that hard, I believe I am employable and Cindy too.
We are here in the U.S., where it will cost $304 a week for daycare, with one day with me and one with Cindy. The other person who was suppose to help 3 years ago, desisted after promising to stay with Catherine one day a week. This person was unable to tell her work that it was more important to help out with her family than her work. This person has also been inconsistent in her help. Sure she helps financially, but honestly, I could not care less about money. I wanted a family member to help raise our children. This person has made it more of a point to be my children's friend than actually help us raise them. This person has also been unable to be there when we needed them. My children are only learning French from one person, which puts me in a hard position.
This person has been getting under my skin for several months, if not years now. This person has no ability to look me in the eye ever since that person desisted to help us one day a week. This person also was unable to help us in a crunch several times, and this person seems to be "put out" when we ask for help. I'll stop going after this person because I am getting more angry than sad. I am not use to this thought process of not helping family. I grew up raised by both my parents and my grandmother. In a crunch, aunts and uncles helped. We also had neighbors we could trust. I get sad thinking of what I left behind in Canada for family members in the U.S. who cannot be true to their word and does not help their own family. I get sad that my girls will probably never have the sense of family I had. I get sad that when I speak French to Catherine, she is getting  more annoyed everyday. I get sad that my parents would absolutely KILL to be here everyday and some family members here take for granted that our kids are here.  And finally, I get sad that my girls will be missing on family time 52 days a year, which boils down to 260 days over 5 years...almost a year of family time.
Sorry, not a lot of laughs tonight. More raw, more upset, more sad...but at least I do not lie!