Journal of a father on leave

In a little change of my previous blogs, I will write a journal for the next 4-5 weeks on my leave from work with my beautiful 2 month old daughter, Christina. I will write my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to diverse happenings. I did this with my first daughter, Catherine, and I was able to put the highlights in an internal newsletter at my work.

Although I do not promise a "daily" journal entry, I will promise regular entries. I will try to be as raw as I can, and spice it up with humor and other happenings. Feedback will be welcomed and encouraged. I am a person who, really deep down inside, is always worried. And to all my therapists friends, don't diagnosed me! I know I am a mess! If you are not a therapist, I will let you know that therapists, in general, are the most stable people I know, and by that I mean that their core muscles and balance are very strong. As for their actual thoughts and heads, until I get paid to do anything, I don't even try to understand them!

As of today, I am looking forward to my time with her. I am scared, petrified, happy, worried, and just a mess over it. I think it is important for fathers to be there for their children but am I someone they really want to hang with? On the other hand, I also believe that I can get to the level of a 3 month old, as my mentality and my jokes really work on that level regularly. I am not the most patient person in the world, so that will be a challenge. For my girls though, I have tried my hardest to always do the right thing and want to be the best father I can be. Many men have secretly told me how they wish they would do this but that they have (and had) their own fears of being alone with their very young children. Many older male friends/colleagues regret of not doing the paternity leave thing. I will do my best and live the dream!

My workplace has been supportive overall but my local office is worried about me being gone so long...4 weeks is nothing if you ask me. But I guess when you are that good...Seriously, I could not ask for a more supportive employer around this leave.

OK so I will try to write again this week. My leave starts officially Friday with a trip to see the family, friends of my Homeland...Quebec.