It was 6:40PM on Thursday 12/14/06. I was at my office party, having some fun. My phone ran...I kind of knew why...I knew she was not doing great...she probably had to move out of her place...it was hard to think about her anywhere but her own apartment..she was always so strong...but something happened to her in November...she fell...she was now paralyzed on one side...and she was struggling.
I picked up the phone...it was my mother. Memere was going fast...this was probably her last night on this Earth...I kind of knew...but it hurt so much...my whole family was there...there for her...except me...I was 325 miles away...could not be there...maybe she'll go tonight...maybe not...Memere has meant so much to me...and this is how I repaid her...I know I could not be there...I knew she knew...but it was hard...I went to bed that night, heavy hearted with my cell phone and land line phone next to me...in case they called to tell me the news...I knew it was coming...but the phone call did not come...
Until Friday, December 15th at 7AM. Memere had past away that night around 2AM. She was 85 years old. She was the last of my grandparents still alive. And the only one I got to know. She raised me as a child and was a second mother to me. My mother was always present but Memere just had that aura...that strength...that role in my life. Now she was gone from this world. I still think about her just about every day. I give her a lot of credit for everything she did for me. I knew she loved me so much. It still hurts like hell. My oldest, Catherine, is her re-incarceration, I am convinced of that. That same year, in December, we also had a miscarriage of our first pregnancy...two losses within 10 days...The year before, I could not work because of an issue with my work visa...December have always been tough for me...but that is an issue for another day.
Memere, tu me manques beaucoup. Notre famille n'est plus pareille depuis ton depart. Tu etais tous pour cette famille. Ca me fait pleurer quelque fois. Je pense a toi souvent. Je t'aime et un jour, on se reverra...
(http://translate.google.com/#)
What have I learned? Love your loved ones each day. You never know what you might regret NOT saying. Before she passed away, I went up to see her in the hospital around American Thanksgiving. We joked around about certain things...Krispy Kreme, wrestling, hockey replays, playing cards with my cousin...We had a great time. I kind of knew it was the last time I'd see her. I told her how much she meant to me and how all these memories will be with me forever. And that one of my favorite memories is when she met my then girlfriend (who is now my wife) for the first time, she told her in broken English "I love you". She was embarrassed not to speak English...and she did not have to be embarrassed. Memere told me later that I seemed very happy with her and that she is "la bonne" (the right one). She had never said it about any of my other girlfriends...again she was right and said this because she always seem to know these little things.
I learned that love is innate and that instinct is sometimes a whole lot better than careful analysis.
Je t'aime Memere
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Sunday, November 21, 2010
First Hockey Game with Catherine
So I really feel like writing today. I had so much fun going to my first professional hockey game today with my big girl, Catherine. I say professional because we did go to a hockey game in Vermont featuring two local high school games. She was barely 1 so I am pretty sure it is a blur.
I was expecting a lot of redirection while going at the game, as well as as at the game but Catherine was the best. She walked 1/4 mile or so holding my hand, being a big girl and noting all the garbage on the ground and saying: "People are not nice! They shouldn't throw stuff on the ground". She was also amazed by the yellow fire hydrants of Worcester and we touched all 12 (not sure of her counting but whatever!) of them on the way.
When we got to the game, we got a big lollipop and a lemonade. She enjoyed both immensely! She did not drop any of them and ate them while watching the game. She loved the Worcester Sharks due to them being Sharks and the Springfield Falcons, as I was asked, "Are they the bad guys?". We were right at rink side close enough to touch the glass around the ice. When she saw her first hit on the boards, she asked me if they were going to break the glass. We had a conversation about how solid it was and we touched it. At the next hit near us, she said: "Wooo! But the glass won't break!"
She actually followed the puck fairly well but did not understand at first why they chased the puck. After the first goal, she understood why! During the first period, a puck went up the stand near us and the local photographer, who got it, handed Catherine the puck, which she promptly put in her mouth! I explained that it was the puck from the game, and she said "Ahh!". I have been to many games but never got a puck. She gets it on her pro game...I guess it helps to be a cute little girl in a pink Canadiens jersey.
At the intermission, we went to get some souvenirs. Her choices? The Shark foam head and the orange hat with the Shark logo on it! She was very excited to see the Sharks on most of the merchandise. We walked away before it cost me a small mortgage. During the second period, Finz, the Sharks mascot, came to our section. We got her hat signed and I tried my best to get a picture. She was also the only kid to say thank you (sad is it?). She was also not scared of the mascot, which, historically, she has been. Very cool! She was also impressed by the Shark logo on the board reading a book.
During the second intermission, she also was fascinated by the Zamboni. She asked me how it worked and why they did that, etc. I told her to ask one of our friends, who has driven many of zambonis, next time we see him. We stayed for most of the third but she did appear extremely exhausted so we headed out a little early. She was all smiles and truly liked the game of hockey. My only deception (and hers too)? Dora was there, made a 2 minute appearance at the top of a section and we never saw her again. She was advertised heavily on the outside and one of the main reasons of our trip to the DCU Center. We walked back to the car (actually, I walked and she was in my arms).
The Sharks won 4-3 in a great comeback win. This was such a fun experience, Catherine had so much fun and was all smiles most of the game. I can't wait to do it again. A great father-daughter bonding experience that I would not trade for the world. (even for the Indy-Pats game)
I was expecting a lot of redirection while going at the game, as well as as at the game but Catherine was the best. She walked 1/4 mile or so holding my hand, being a big girl and noting all the garbage on the ground and saying: "People are not nice! They shouldn't throw stuff on the ground". She was also amazed by the yellow fire hydrants of Worcester and we touched all 12 (not sure of her counting but whatever!) of them on the way.
When we got to the game, we got a big lollipop and a lemonade. She enjoyed both immensely! She did not drop any of them and ate them while watching the game. She loved the Worcester Sharks due to them being Sharks and the Springfield Falcons, as I was asked, "Are they the bad guys?". We were right at rink side close enough to touch the glass around the ice. When she saw her first hit on the boards, she asked me if they were going to break the glass. We had a conversation about how solid it was and we touched it. At the next hit near us, she said: "Wooo! But the glass won't break!"
She actually followed the puck fairly well but did not understand at first why they chased the puck. After the first goal, she understood why! During the first period, a puck went up the stand near us and the local photographer, who got it, handed Catherine the puck, which she promptly put in her mouth! I explained that it was the puck from the game, and she said "Ahh!". I have been to many games but never got a puck. She gets it on her pro game...I guess it helps to be a cute little girl in a pink Canadiens jersey.
At the intermission, we went to get some souvenirs. Her choices? The Shark foam head and the orange hat with the Shark logo on it! She was very excited to see the Sharks on most of the merchandise. We walked away before it cost me a small mortgage. During the second period, Finz, the Sharks mascot, came to our section. We got her hat signed and I tried my best to get a picture. She was also the only kid to say thank you (sad is it?). She was also not scared of the mascot, which, historically, she has been. Very cool! She was also impressed by the Shark logo on the board reading a book.
During the second intermission, she also was fascinated by the Zamboni. She asked me how it worked and why they did that, etc. I told her to ask one of our friends, who has driven many of zambonis, next time we see him. We stayed for most of the third but she did appear extremely exhausted so we headed out a little early. She was all smiles and truly liked the game of hockey. My only deception (and hers too)? Dora was there, made a 2 minute appearance at the top of a section and we never saw her again. She was advertised heavily on the outside and one of the main reasons of our trip to the DCU Center. We walked back to the car (actually, I walked and she was in my arms).
The Sharks won 4-3 in a great comeback win. This was such a fun experience, Catherine had so much fun and was all smiles most of the game. I can't wait to do it again. A great father-daughter bonding experience that I would not trade for the world. (even for the Indy-Pats game)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
This week in our little family's history
So first of all, thanks for all the feedback. I'll continue to try to write every week or so and try to discuss a bunch of stuff from "what I have learned" in life to my current life situation, and anything in between.
My first week back was hard in some ways, easy in others. My transition to adulthood was surprisingly a lot less painful than I remember my awkward years between 18 until 22. I could talk, say intelligent things, and also meet sophomore humor with more LCD jokes (email me if you do not understand LCD). I was also taking heat for being gone "so long"...whatever. My job just took me back in as quickly as I left. My clients also did not skip a beat in challenging me with new issues as soon as I got back.
It was hard in other ways. The transition to daycare went smoothly for Christina and Catherine but the whole time it took is still catching up to me, as I struggle to make it from daycare to work on time. I am also use to rolling out of bed at the same time as Christina. Well, I got to actually prep to go to work so I really can't do that. I haven't use my alarm clock in months because Catherine, my alarm clock, was up always too early. Now, Cindy gets Catherine and I wake up way too late...So I learned how to work my alarm clock, pulled out the instruction, and figured out how it work...now if I can just turn it to "Alarm on" every night. I also started having a little cold last Tuesday that still hasn't completely subsided...It is hard to fall asleep or breath still to this day (night? Whatever!). Cindy has also struggled with a cold.
We have also struggled with all our kids being sick. Christina appeared to have a cold last week but no temperature. She wheezed a lot but has been her happy, cheery self. Her smile and laughter is so priceless! Got to get that on tape ASAP! She is just charming the people at daycare! Catherine has had her struggles but her biggest struggle was this Monday, when she woke up with really red eyes. It did not appear too serious (i.e. I did not think it was conjunctivitis) but when I got to day care, they told me "OH that's pink eye! 2 or 3 kids had it last week. She needs to stay home".
Here is my rant of the week: Couldn't they have told us that conjunctivitis was happening at the daycare? Seriously, like letting us know to increase hand washing, letting us know our kids might get it? And also, if symptoms occur (i.e. drippy eyes, red eyes) leave your kids at home for 24 hours? Is that too freaking hard? Will they "forget" to tell us when malaria is running around? I just think that they can let us know really fast about increases in "tuition" and no daycare days but sickness, which seems to be more of a pressing issue, can fly under the radar...OK rant over.
Catherine went to the doctor and also discovered that, in addition to conjunctivitis, she has an ear infection! Poor little girl. She got to stay home with her papa yesterday and Cindy and I split the day today with her. I think she really needed alone time with us and this was a good way. She was actually great most, if not all of the time. The most of the time is around her meds. Sure, she likes the pink antibiotic syrup (and who didn't like that syrup growing up?) but have you ever tried to put Bacitrin in the eye of a 2 year old? Wow, those have been epic battles. One colleague suggested to sit on her but I am trying to think it may be too traumatic...so we yell, scream and lose our cool for 20 minutes at a time instead...maybe I need to change my strategy!
She came up with a few gems in the last few days: "Can we drive to Canada to get 'Des Maisons?' (her favorite French song)". The CD now skips and she is distraught about that. I woke her up from her nap today, and she got startled and told me: "Swiper tried to get me and he scared me". Swiper, in case you are wondering, is a character on Dora and is present in her room...on a strip of wallpaper. "When I grow up, can I hold Christina?" (I let her know Christina "might" possibly grow too). I brought my Canadian flag home and she said "Nice Canada flag but where is the Canadian flag?" She also has decided that our cat Loki is now called "Lok" or "Big Guy", which, by the way, is how I call him.
Loki has also been a little more upset, having fur issues. He has a big patch missing on his stomach. We believe it is anxiety, but we are doing a flea and tick treatment in case. Christina has struggled a lot more at night, right before sleep. I got to admit that her strident, very powerful cries, go right through me and make me anxious and make me feel incompetent. I know it's in my head...but whatever.
So I'll write again soon.
My first week back was hard in some ways, easy in others. My transition to adulthood was surprisingly a lot less painful than I remember my awkward years between 18 until 22. I could talk, say intelligent things, and also meet sophomore humor with more LCD jokes (email me if you do not understand LCD). I was also taking heat for being gone "so long"...whatever. My job just took me back in as quickly as I left. My clients also did not skip a beat in challenging me with new issues as soon as I got back.
It was hard in other ways. The transition to daycare went smoothly for Christina and Catherine but the whole time it took is still catching up to me, as I struggle to make it from daycare to work on time. I am also use to rolling out of bed at the same time as Christina. Well, I got to actually prep to go to work so I really can't do that. I haven't use my alarm clock in months because Catherine, my alarm clock, was up always too early. Now, Cindy gets Catherine and I wake up way too late...So I learned how to work my alarm clock, pulled out the instruction, and figured out how it work...now if I can just turn it to "Alarm on" every night. I also started having a little cold last Tuesday that still hasn't completely subsided...It is hard to fall asleep or breath still to this day (night? Whatever!). Cindy has also struggled with a cold.
We have also struggled with all our kids being sick. Christina appeared to have a cold last week but no temperature. She wheezed a lot but has been her happy, cheery self. Her smile and laughter is so priceless! Got to get that on tape ASAP! She is just charming the people at daycare! Catherine has had her struggles but her biggest struggle was this Monday, when she woke up with really red eyes. It did not appear too serious (i.e. I did not think it was conjunctivitis) but when I got to day care, they told me "OH that's pink eye! 2 or 3 kids had it last week. She needs to stay home".
Here is my rant of the week: Couldn't they have told us that conjunctivitis was happening at the daycare? Seriously, like letting us know to increase hand washing, letting us know our kids might get it? And also, if symptoms occur (i.e. drippy eyes, red eyes) leave your kids at home for 24 hours? Is that too freaking hard? Will they "forget" to tell us when malaria is running around? I just think that they can let us know really fast about increases in "tuition" and no daycare days but sickness, which seems to be more of a pressing issue, can fly under the radar...OK rant over.
Catherine went to the doctor and also discovered that, in addition to conjunctivitis, she has an ear infection! Poor little girl. She got to stay home with her papa yesterday and Cindy and I split the day today with her. I think she really needed alone time with us and this was a good way. She was actually great most, if not all of the time. The most of the time is around her meds. Sure, she likes the pink antibiotic syrup (and who didn't like that syrup growing up?) but have you ever tried to put Bacitrin in the eye of a 2 year old? Wow, those have been epic battles. One colleague suggested to sit on her but I am trying to think it may be too traumatic...so we yell, scream and lose our cool for 20 minutes at a time instead...maybe I need to change my strategy!
She came up with a few gems in the last few days: "Can we drive to Canada to get 'Des Maisons?' (her favorite French song)". The CD now skips and she is distraught about that. I woke her up from her nap today, and she got startled and told me: "Swiper tried to get me and he scared me". Swiper, in case you are wondering, is a character on Dora and is present in her room...on a strip of wallpaper. "When I grow up, can I hold Christina?" (I let her know Christina "might" possibly grow too). I brought my Canadian flag home and she said "Nice Canada flag but where is the Canadian flag?" She also has decided that our cat Loki is now called "Lok" or "Big Guy", which, by the way, is how I call him.
Loki has also been a little more upset, having fur issues. He has a big patch missing on his stomach. We believe it is anxiety, but we are doing a flea and tick treatment in case. Christina has struggled a lot more at night, right before sleep. I got to admit that her strident, very powerful cries, go right through me and make me anxious and make me feel incompetent. I know it's in my head...but whatever.
So I'll write again soon.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Retrospective
So I could talk about today, what happened, how great Catherine has been and how Christina lights up every room she walks into. Rather, I want to do a retrospective of my leave and ask for feedback to people who actually read my blog.
First thing I want to say is that I am so happy I did this leave. To be honest, I was very hesitant. My first one with Catherine was quite challenging and I always felt I was not the greatest at staying home. I am not the mos patient man and I admit to that freely. However, this leave proved to me a few things:
a) I could be quite patient when needed. I am proud of that. Christina was quite challenging regarding feedings. She was also a little harder to read when things were wrong. Was it teething? Was it feeding? Was it a bad TV show I was watching? Was it needing to get out of the house? This was hard but most of the time, I went through the sequence and found out eventually what she needed. That can be daunting.
b) I also know how I got to bond with Christina, which was very important to me. When a child breastfeed, they are more bonded with their mother and the father becomes an after thought. I felt that way a lot in the beginning. This leave made me realize that every child needs a clown and that is who I am. Christina also needs to be stimulated by another person than mom.
c) I can actually not do work for 4 weeks and it's OK. I always take pride in my work but this leave, more than the first, I realize that work is second to family. Christina just loved just spending time and laughing with me, and just hanging. I also got to see friends and work was not in the forefront of my thoughts.
d) I really need to grow breast and get milk to come out of it. Seriously, that would a lot easier than preparing breast milk 4 times a day. And Christina knows the difference. Let's not kid ourselves.
e) I should be proud of what I did. I sometimes think that people believe I just do this for the time off. I was also shamed when people said: "But your wife gave birth 3 months ago?". Now I know that I did something that most guys have no testicular fortitude to do, which is stay at home alone with a young child. I also know that I should keep my head high and say that I did it. I can't really explain it, but I was always feeling like I did not have the right to do this. If you understand, let me know.
f) When you take care of kids, structure some adult time. I think sometimes I got really involved and lost my mind because I did not have one-on-one with adults. We all need some time to not talk goo goo ga ga, you know?
g) I admire all parents who stay at home. I wish I could say I could do it full-time. But I couldn't. I joke with my wife that I believe in empowering women so they could make even more than man so I could stay at home full-time. I really believe in equality but there is no way I would stay home full-time. Love my girls, they are my life, but we both need some time away from each other in order to really enjoy each other!
OK so I want to ask where I go from here. I want to continue this blog but I really won't have daily material. Should I go weekly? Every other week? Should I continue to talk about my trials and tribulations as a father or more about other stuff or both? Let me know what you think. I have had over 900 views in the past month, which is really cool and I am hoping that feedback will help me to continue or not. Thanks for reading.
First thing I want to say is that I am so happy I did this leave. To be honest, I was very hesitant. My first one with Catherine was quite challenging and I always felt I was not the greatest at staying home. I am not the mos patient man and I admit to that freely. However, this leave proved to me a few things:
a) I could be quite patient when needed. I am proud of that. Christina was quite challenging regarding feedings. She was also a little harder to read when things were wrong. Was it teething? Was it feeding? Was it a bad TV show I was watching? Was it needing to get out of the house? This was hard but most of the time, I went through the sequence and found out eventually what she needed. That can be daunting.
b) I also know how I got to bond with Christina, which was very important to me. When a child breastfeed, they are more bonded with their mother and the father becomes an after thought. I felt that way a lot in the beginning. This leave made me realize that every child needs a clown and that is who I am. Christina also needs to be stimulated by another person than mom.
c) I can actually not do work for 4 weeks and it's OK. I always take pride in my work but this leave, more than the first, I realize that work is second to family. Christina just loved just spending time and laughing with me, and just hanging. I also got to see friends and work was not in the forefront of my thoughts.
d) I really need to grow breast and get milk to come out of it. Seriously, that would a lot easier than preparing breast milk 4 times a day. And Christina knows the difference. Let's not kid ourselves.
e) I should be proud of what I did. I sometimes think that people believe I just do this for the time off. I was also shamed when people said: "But your wife gave birth 3 months ago?". Now I know that I did something that most guys have no testicular fortitude to do, which is stay at home alone with a young child. I also know that I should keep my head high and say that I did it. I can't really explain it, but I was always feeling like I did not have the right to do this. If you understand, let me know.
f) When you take care of kids, structure some adult time. I think sometimes I got really involved and lost my mind because I did not have one-on-one with adults. We all need some time to not talk goo goo ga ga, you know?
g) I admire all parents who stay at home. I wish I could say I could do it full-time. But I couldn't. I joke with my wife that I believe in empowering women so they could make even more than man so I could stay at home full-time. I really believe in equality but there is no way I would stay home full-time. Love my girls, they are my life, but we both need some time away from each other in order to really enjoy each other!
OK so I want to ask where I go from here. I want to continue this blog but I really won't have daily material. Should I go weekly? Every other week? Should I continue to talk about my trials and tribulations as a father or more about other stuff or both? Let me know what you think. I have had over 900 views in the past month, which is really cool and I am hoping that feedback will help me to continue or not. Thanks for reading.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday and Saturday November 5th & 6th...Things change
So these are the last few days of my leave with my girls...I have had a few good days, with occasional moments that were hard but overall. Fridays have been easier, as Cindy is home and it helps to have someone to tag in. Catherine was her usual self. She struggled with redirection but I have noticed something with her: if I am alone with her or Cindy is, she is more redirectable. When we are both there, she tries to feed off each of us and seems more hyper, out-of-control.
Christina, on the other hand, is just a cool cucumber most of the time. She seems to enjoy having both of us there, and she certainly enjoys the faces we make for her. She just coos and smiles away. She has been such a different kid. Some say it is experience, some say it the change of attitude of us as parents, I think those things help but, ultimately, she is just a different child than Catherine. Christina has been making me sad, with all her smiles and appearing to thoroughly enjoy spending time with me. I hate having to go back to work, even though I know it is what is best for her and me.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon was spent cleaning out Catherine's stuffed animals and books. Catherine was such a giving sister, working on sharing and even making a distinction of what she likes versus what Christina has liked (OK, maybe that is the over bragging parent, but please, just go with that notion!). She started over-giving by the end of the separation of goods so that was a little weird and created a weird energy. We tried to go return some items at a store and go see some animals at a store but it was too late, Catherine was tired and we ended leaving fast. We got everyone ready for bed and tried to sleep it off.
Unfortunately, Christina was coming down with a cold so she was up in the middle of the night...and had lots of trouble falling back asleep. I tried to contribute, but Cindy was really good with her and helped her fall back asleep. I sometimes feel so powerless in those situation and really want to help. I am not always very awake and not useful. I get angry at myself. I don't know, it may sound nuts but I wish I was better.
Anyway, today was starting a little rough. We were running slightly late for gym, Catherine was tired for the gym and struggled most of the AM. Christina was unable to sleep, Catherine was cranky and bossy. We tried to put them down for a nap but it was not helpful, so I decided to go for a ride to the mall. Yes, I am talking about taking 2 kids under 3 to the mall on a Saturday...but it was, actually, really great. And yes, I was alone, as Cindy had to work. Both slept on the way there. and then, they did awesome at the mall. We walked, got people say how cute they were, especially Christina...which brings me to my rant...
How come people look at the 3 month old and say "How cute!" "So precious" "Awww!" but ignore the toddler? I get so annoyed because they always annoy Catherine and I always make a point to include her somehow: "She got her looks from her sister" "Catherine, tell them you look exactly like her" etc. People are so freaking insensitive and really don't understand the impact of those statements and them ignoring the older child. Am I the only one who gets this? OK, rant over.
Anyway, Catherine was very good, helped me with some shopping for Cindy and even told me: "I don't like it" in front of the salesperson so I could leave without guilt. Christina also smiled and "hoooooo!" me a lot. We went home, got ready to go eat where it was rougher because Cindy was back! Seriously, I think they were both tired and Catherine is also coming down with a cold. We ate at a restaurant, where a man noted that Christina, due to her crying; "he'll make a great football player" to which I replied "I hope SHE will". After all, it was hard to tell, as she was wearing pink...OK maybe the guy was color blind...It really didn't annoy me but found it funny.
Catherine got home, went to bed, decided she needed the potty where she pooped and peeped...She was so funny though. She sat, asked for something to read (daddy's girl) and was there for a while. When I asked about pee or poop she denied it...and then slowly got up to "reveal it" to me! She then jumped up and down and was genuinely happy to see my happiness in my face. This stuff is only really cool if you understand how these little things are little gifts. Christina needed sleep too and went down fairly easy.
Last day tomorrow of the leave :(
Christina, on the other hand, is just a cool cucumber most of the time. She seems to enjoy having both of us there, and she certainly enjoys the faces we make for her. She just coos and smiles away. She has been such a different kid. Some say it is experience, some say it the change of attitude of us as parents, I think those things help but, ultimately, she is just a different child than Catherine. Christina has been making me sad, with all her smiles and appearing to thoroughly enjoy spending time with me. I hate having to go back to work, even though I know it is what is best for her and me.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon was spent cleaning out Catherine's stuffed animals and books. Catherine was such a giving sister, working on sharing and even making a distinction of what she likes versus what Christina has liked (OK, maybe that is the over bragging parent, but please, just go with that notion!). She started over-giving by the end of the separation of goods so that was a little weird and created a weird energy. We tried to go return some items at a store and go see some animals at a store but it was too late, Catherine was tired and we ended leaving fast. We got everyone ready for bed and tried to sleep it off.
Unfortunately, Christina was coming down with a cold so she was up in the middle of the night...and had lots of trouble falling back asleep. I tried to contribute, but Cindy was really good with her and helped her fall back asleep. I sometimes feel so powerless in those situation and really want to help. I am not always very awake and not useful. I get angry at myself. I don't know, it may sound nuts but I wish I was better.
Anyway, today was starting a little rough. We were running slightly late for gym, Catherine was tired for the gym and struggled most of the AM. Christina was unable to sleep, Catherine was cranky and bossy. We tried to put them down for a nap but it was not helpful, so I decided to go for a ride to the mall. Yes, I am talking about taking 2 kids under 3 to the mall on a Saturday...but it was, actually, really great. And yes, I was alone, as Cindy had to work. Both slept on the way there. and then, they did awesome at the mall. We walked, got people say how cute they were, especially Christina...which brings me to my rant...
How come people look at the 3 month old and say "How cute!" "So precious" "Awww!" but ignore the toddler? I get so annoyed because they always annoy Catherine and I always make a point to include her somehow: "She got her looks from her sister" "Catherine, tell them you look exactly like her" etc. People are so freaking insensitive and really don't understand the impact of those statements and them ignoring the older child. Am I the only one who gets this? OK, rant over.
Anyway, Catherine was very good, helped me with some shopping for Cindy and even told me: "I don't like it" in front of the salesperson so I could leave without guilt. Christina also smiled and "hoooooo!" me a lot. We went home, got ready to go eat where it was rougher because Cindy was back! Seriously, I think they were both tired and Catherine is also coming down with a cold. We ate at a restaurant, where a man noted that Christina, due to her crying; "he'll make a great football player" to which I replied "I hope SHE will". After all, it was hard to tell, as she was wearing pink...OK maybe the guy was color blind...It really didn't annoy me but found it funny.
Catherine got home, went to bed, decided she needed the potty where she pooped and peeped...She was so funny though. She sat, asked for something to read (daddy's girl) and was there for a while. When I asked about pee or poop she denied it...and then slowly got up to "reveal it" to me! She then jumped up and down and was genuinely happy to see my happiness in my face. This stuff is only really cool if you understand how these little things are little gifts. Christina needed sleep too and went down fairly easy.
Last day tomorrow of the leave :(
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Thursday November 4th-Before last day
So it's been quite a few days. Honestly, yesterday, I went to bed early because I was: a)exhausted from the day and b)I felt really negative. It has been a tough two days. I think it started with the whole Christina going to daycare thing and yesterday, Christina was very unpredictable for feedings, sleep, etc. I guess writing this, I feel kind of stupid, since this is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme if things but when you are trying to plan a day, it is a really big deal. I almost ran out of milk for the first time yesterday! And for those who know about frozen breast milk, yo'll nod in agreement as how that can be stressful. Thank God, Cindy came home early.
The other thing that was getting to me is that, with these struggles, I felt angry and I was upset that I was angry! Wow, I need a shrink (or drink, whatever!). Seriously, I wanted my last day of just me and her to be special and it did not turn out to be that way...which really is about my expectations. Anyway, Catherine was OK but needed lots of redirection, which also gets frustrating you know? So just a tough day and I figured a early bedtime was in order.
This AM, Catherine acted really tired and contradictory...which was tough. Christina struggled I think with all the negative energy and slept and woke up fussy a few times. I was also waiting for a plumber who was going to be there "within the hour" at 8AM and he came at....I should take bets on this...what is your guess....10:20AM...to tell me he needs to send someone else! So I went for a ride with my girls because I knew that was a way to calm my nerves and get them to sleep. And yes, it is calming to drive the streets of Massachusetts...Please call a psychiatrist now! But driving with my girls insures me of no crying, due to sleeping, and also a change of scenery. I also can get some of my tunes playing on the radio, not Dora, Barney, or Passe-Partout!
We came home, did the feedings, eating, changing, and really had a good time until I had to leave for some volunteer work at my agency. Honestly, I was happy to go somewhere to have some adult interactions! I was trying to think and the last time I had adult only interactions (no, not that type you perverse people) for 4 hours was my last day of work on October 8th...so I really needed it. And to those who will say that this is bad...let me just say this...you either don't understand what I mean or you are lying to yourselves. I love my girls more than anything in this world but you need some time away to truly appreciate them. It is also for plain sanity that you need to tell other adults what you are going through. I am so happy that someone I truly respect told me that: "You never hear people say: I should have worked more" but they usually regret not spending time with their family". And for my girls who may read this in the future: being away for a few hours is all about love, not anything else.
I was asked if I was looking forward to going to work: I answered "Yes" and related the story about a friend spending time at home full-time with her boys and how I admire her choice of family first, not work. I know I could not do it for a long period of time. It takes a special person to stay at home. Will I miss my girls? "Absolutely!!!" I even cried thinking about next week (call me whatever, I really don't care) but staying at home with children is a much tougher job than any criminal justice work I have EVER had. Cheers to all who stay home with their kids or are single parents.
The other thing that was getting to me is that, with these struggles, I felt angry and I was upset that I was angry! Wow, I need a shrink (or drink, whatever!). Seriously, I wanted my last day of just me and her to be special and it did not turn out to be that way...which really is about my expectations. Anyway, Catherine was OK but needed lots of redirection, which also gets frustrating you know? So just a tough day and I figured a early bedtime was in order.
This AM, Catherine acted really tired and contradictory...which was tough. Christina struggled I think with all the negative energy and slept and woke up fussy a few times. I was also waiting for a plumber who was going to be there "within the hour" at 8AM and he came at....I should take bets on this...what is your guess....10:20AM...to tell me he needs to send someone else! So I went for a ride with my girls because I knew that was a way to calm my nerves and get them to sleep. And yes, it is calming to drive the streets of Massachusetts...Please call a psychiatrist now! But driving with my girls insures me of no crying, due to sleeping, and also a change of scenery. I also can get some of my tunes playing on the radio, not Dora, Barney, or Passe-Partout!
We came home, did the feedings, eating, changing, and really had a good time until I had to leave for some volunteer work at my agency. Honestly, I was happy to go somewhere to have some adult interactions! I was trying to think and the last time I had adult only interactions (no, not that type you perverse people) for 4 hours was my last day of work on October 8th...so I really needed it. And to those who will say that this is bad...let me just say this...you either don't understand what I mean or you are lying to yourselves. I love my girls more than anything in this world but you need some time away to truly appreciate them. It is also for plain sanity that you need to tell other adults what you are going through. I am so happy that someone I truly respect told me that: "You never hear people say: I should have worked more" but they usually regret not spending time with their family". And for my girls who may read this in the future: being away for a few hours is all about love, not anything else.
I was asked if I was looking forward to going to work: I answered "Yes" and related the story about a friend spending time at home full-time with her boys and how I admire her choice of family first, not work. I know I could not do it for a long period of time. It takes a special person to stay at home. Will I miss my girls? "Absolutely!!!" I even cried thinking about next week (call me whatever, I really don't care) but staying at home with children is a much tougher job than any criminal justice work I have EVER had. Cheers to all who stay home with their kids or are single parents.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Week 4-It's almost over...
So I did not write yesterday because I was tired and that I was unsure if I was going to write about a certain issue that has been bothering me. After a night of sleep, as well as recent happenings, I decided to writer about it, keeping it general enough to not incriminate the parties involved. After all, I chose to do this blog, not them.
First things first though, yesterday was OK until the night came. Christina was in a cheerful mood most of the morning, eating well, smiling, giggling, hooting happily. She came to my company's main office and got people to oooh! and ahhh! from many. She is such a ham, and very charming...just like her old man! She did OK but appeared cranky. Cindy was working all day and was in for supper and left to go see a private practice. Christina ate before Cindy left and fell asleep...and she woke up during Catherine's bath and story time...and she did not stop crying for 1+ hour! Let's just say, I was close to losing it.
And before you start shouting at the computer, yes I tried to feed her, to walk her, to rock her, to put her in her swing, look at a different scenery...She was calmed when I put football on and watched it with her...and when my friend came over to watch the game, she took to him nicely and Cindy got home. She did her night routine without much issue and went to bed. And then I got sad...not because of what happened, but that my little girl was going to daycare today. We do this so that she has a "practice run" at daycare with me being available if anything goes awry.
So this morning, I shed many tears watching my girl getting ready to go to daycare. We know the daycare, we know that they did good to Catherine, but I still cried. Yes, I cried. I love my little girl, love being with her, even with all the issues that this implies, and she deserves to be at home more often.
Now comes my biggest sadness: I am not in Montreal with my friends and family. My mother and father have both retired and would be glad to babysit her regularly, instead of having strangers do it. I have friends and family who beg to see my girls every time we go up and usually offer to babysit if we are around. And, more importantly, if we had to use daycare, which we would just for the social aspect, it would be...drum roll please...$7 a day! With state licensed daycares no less. They must adhere to certain specifications. So we could have our girls at day care 1 to 2 days a week (Total: $28 a week if for two days), 1 day with each of us, plus my parents or friends or other family members take care of them. They would also learn my mother tongue, French, a lot quicker. OK, so no guarantee me or Cindy could find a job, but I don't think it would be that hard, I believe I am employable and Cindy too.
We are here in the U.S., where it will cost $304 a week for daycare, with one day with me and one with Cindy. The other person who was suppose to help 3 years ago, desisted after promising to stay with Catherine one day a week. This person was unable to tell her work that it was more important to help out with her family than her work. This person has also been inconsistent in her help. Sure she helps financially, but honestly, I could not care less about money. I wanted a family member to help raise our children. This person has made it more of a point to be my children's friend than actually help us raise them. This person has also been unable to be there when we needed them. My children are only learning French from one person, which puts me in a hard position.
This person has been getting under my skin for several months, if not years now. This person has no ability to look me in the eye ever since that person desisted to help us one day a week. This person also was unable to help us in a crunch several times, and this person seems to be "put out" when we ask for help. I'll stop going after this person because I am getting more angry than sad. I am not use to this thought process of not helping family. I grew up raised by both my parents and my grandmother. In a crunch, aunts and uncles helped. We also had neighbors we could trust. I get sad thinking of what I left behind in Canada for family members in the U.S. who cannot be true to their word and does not help their own family. I get sad that my girls will probably never have the sense of family I had. I get sad that when I speak French to Catherine, she is getting more annoyed everyday. I get sad that my parents would absolutely KILL to be here everyday and some family members here take for granted that our kids are here. And finally, I get sad that my girls will be missing on family time 52 days a year, which boils down to 260 days over 5 years...almost a year of family time.
Sorry, not a lot of laughs tonight. More raw, more upset, more sad...but at least I do not lie!
First things first though, yesterday was OK until the night came. Christina was in a cheerful mood most of the morning, eating well, smiling, giggling, hooting happily. She came to my company's main office and got people to oooh! and ahhh! from many. She is such a ham, and very charming...just like her old man! She did OK but appeared cranky. Cindy was working all day and was in for supper and left to go see a private practice. Christina ate before Cindy left and fell asleep...and she woke up during Catherine's bath and story time...and she did not stop crying for 1+ hour! Let's just say, I was close to losing it.
And before you start shouting at the computer, yes I tried to feed her, to walk her, to rock her, to put her in her swing, look at a different scenery...She was calmed when I put football on and watched it with her...and when my friend came over to watch the game, she took to him nicely and Cindy got home. She did her night routine without much issue and went to bed. And then I got sad...not because of what happened, but that my little girl was going to daycare today. We do this so that she has a "practice run" at daycare with me being available if anything goes awry.
So this morning, I shed many tears watching my girl getting ready to go to daycare. We know the daycare, we know that they did good to Catherine, but I still cried. Yes, I cried. I love my little girl, love being with her, even with all the issues that this implies, and she deserves to be at home more often.
Now comes my biggest sadness: I am not in Montreal with my friends and family. My mother and father have both retired and would be glad to babysit her regularly, instead of having strangers do it. I have friends and family who beg to see my girls every time we go up and usually offer to babysit if we are around. And, more importantly, if we had to use daycare, which we would just for the social aspect, it would be...drum roll please...$7 a day! With state licensed daycares no less. They must adhere to certain specifications. So we could have our girls at day care 1 to 2 days a week (Total: $28 a week if for two days), 1 day with each of us, plus my parents or friends or other family members take care of them. They would also learn my mother tongue, French, a lot quicker. OK, so no guarantee me or Cindy could find a job, but I don't think it would be that hard, I believe I am employable and Cindy too.
We are here in the U.S., where it will cost $304 a week for daycare, with one day with me and one with Cindy. The other person who was suppose to help 3 years ago, desisted after promising to stay with Catherine one day a week. This person was unable to tell her work that it was more important to help out with her family than her work. This person has also been inconsistent in her help. Sure she helps financially, but honestly, I could not care less about money. I wanted a family member to help raise our children. This person has made it more of a point to be my children's friend than actually help us raise them. This person has also been unable to be there when we needed them. My children are only learning French from one person, which puts me in a hard position.
This person has been getting under my skin for several months, if not years now. This person has no ability to look me in the eye ever since that person desisted to help us one day a week. This person also was unable to help us in a crunch several times, and this person seems to be "put out" when we ask for help. I'll stop going after this person because I am getting more angry than sad. I am not use to this thought process of not helping family. I grew up raised by both my parents and my grandmother. In a crunch, aunts and uncles helped. We also had neighbors we could trust. I get sad thinking of what I left behind in Canada for family members in the U.S. who cannot be true to their word and does not help their own family. I get sad that my girls will probably never have the sense of family I had. I get sad that when I speak French to Catherine, she is getting more annoyed everyday. I get sad that my parents would absolutely KILL to be here everyday and some family members here take for granted that our kids are here. And finally, I get sad that my girls will be missing on family time 52 days a year, which boils down to 260 days over 5 years...almost a year of family time.
Sorry, not a lot of laughs tonight. More raw, more upset, more sad...but at least I do not lie!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Halloween day!
So today was a day I was apprehending for a while. I really wasn't sure how our first trick or treating would go. Catherine has been struggling for most of the past week, and adding sugar to the equation was probably going to create fireworks.
So Catherine slept through the night (Christina was up once) and both were up somewhat early. We sat down as a family, had breakfast. We reviewed a little of what we did yesterday and Catherine seemed to struggle to remember some of the details of yesterday. She was also fairly hyper but did pipi in her potty twice in the AM. She was struggling, however, and was very fresh with us. So she had an early nap. Christina took a nap in the AM and was very talkative. She has been cooing and ahhing a lot more and it makes for very interesting conversation. She even sounds annoyed sometime, which is perfectly normal since I am speaking to her.
Catherine woke up from her nap and was like glue with me. We had fun but sometimes, you need to be left alone, such as when you go to the bathroom, for example. Anyway, she also was able to poppy in the potty, which prompted lots of praise and a book from us. Catherine went for a ride with mom and came back ready to go. We actually had to convince her she should eat, which she eventually did. We skyped my parents and saw grammy all dressed up before we got on our way...Which took forever!
Seriously, when we were younger, the daylight savings time would end earlier and we would go out around 5ish, 5:30 at the latest. Am I right? Anyone? We ended waiting until 6PM. Catherine was awesome during the trick or treating. She said "trick or treat" at appropriate times and "thank you" when she left. She also walked most of the 1/2 mile we did. She was a little scared of the houses with dogs but overall did great. She also said "Thank you" in ASL at a house down our street where we have neighbors that are deaf. I was so proud of her. She also got lots of praised for originality for her shark and was so cute waddling along to each house. Christina rocked her pumpkin costume but fell asleep. When she woke up, she needed to eat ASAP...So Cindy walked back home with her. Catherine and me finished our little run. An older girl made note of how cute her costume was and gave her some of her candy! I do have faith with some people!
Catherine got back, explored her candy...and went to bed...before going to sleep, she went for her third pipi! She earned another book! She was so proud. I want to admit that I was proud too! She was so good trick or treating. Staying close, asking for help when she needed it...and even told me when she had enough and needed to go home! My girl listened, walked calmly, and just had a ball jumping in the leaves and talking to the people giving out candy! And she is two! Christina really belonged at home but we wanted to go out as a family. It was so much fun and my apprehension were really not that founded.
Tomorrow starts my lat week alone with Christina. I am so sad thinking about it...I'll try to take full advantage of it.
So Catherine slept through the night (Christina was up once) and both were up somewhat early. We sat down as a family, had breakfast. We reviewed a little of what we did yesterday and Catherine seemed to struggle to remember some of the details of yesterday. She was also fairly hyper but did pipi in her potty twice in the AM. She was struggling, however, and was very fresh with us. So she had an early nap. Christina took a nap in the AM and was very talkative. She has been cooing and ahhing a lot more and it makes for very interesting conversation. She even sounds annoyed sometime, which is perfectly normal since I am speaking to her.
Catherine woke up from her nap and was like glue with me. We had fun but sometimes, you need to be left alone, such as when you go to the bathroom, for example. Anyway, she also was able to poppy in the potty, which prompted lots of praise and a book from us. Catherine went for a ride with mom and came back ready to go. We actually had to convince her she should eat, which she eventually did. We skyped my parents and saw grammy all dressed up before we got on our way...Which took forever!
Seriously, when we were younger, the daylight savings time would end earlier and we would go out around 5ish, 5:30 at the latest. Am I right? Anyone? We ended waiting until 6PM. Catherine was awesome during the trick or treating. She said "trick or treat" at appropriate times and "thank you" when she left. She also walked most of the 1/2 mile we did. She was a little scared of the houses with dogs but overall did great. She also said "Thank you" in ASL at a house down our street where we have neighbors that are deaf. I was so proud of her. She also got lots of praised for originality for her shark and was so cute waddling along to each house. Christina rocked her pumpkin costume but fell asleep. When she woke up, she needed to eat ASAP...So Cindy walked back home with her. Catherine and me finished our little run. An older girl made note of how cute her costume was and gave her some of her candy! I do have faith with some people!
Catherine got back, explored her candy...and went to bed...before going to sleep, she went for her third pipi! She earned another book! She was so proud. I want to admit that I was proud too! She was so good trick or treating. Staying close, asking for help when she needed it...and even told me when she had enough and needed to go home! My girl listened, walked calmly, and just had a ball jumping in the leaves and talking to the people giving out candy! And she is two! Christina really belonged at home but we wanted to go out as a family. It was so much fun and my apprehension were really not that founded.
Tomorrow starts my lat week alone with Christina. I am so sad thinking about it...I'll try to take full advantage of it.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Saturday, October 30th- Can we do more things in a day
So today was an extremely busy day. Thanks to the sleep Gods, as Catherine and Christina both slept through the night until 7AM. Catherine was eager to go as she knew the itinerary for today: Gym, Clowns, Birthday Party, Halloween party, sleep. So it was a fun day for sure for her. Christina was laid back, just wanting to eat and look around.
First stop: the gym. Catherine was still tired and cranky on the way there but did OK. Christina was looking around, falling asleep at times. At the gym, everyone loved out little shark and she had brought her baby shark with her! It was clear though that she had limited energy for the gym, falling and laying down several times. She even came out for a breather before the end, which she never does. I guess a 2 pound shark suit does use up more energy! Anyway, Christina loved looking at the kids running and made cute sounds when she saw her sister.
We then returned home with a plan to see a clown at Honey Dew's grand reopening...We wanted to go with Cindy but Christina fell asleep. So, at some point, we had to wake Christina up so Cindy could feed her and go to work. Catherine was getting restless. We finally went to see the clown...which made her a cute green elephant...that flew away in the wind as soon as we stepped out! Securing an elephant in a balloon shape is not as easy as it sounds. I felt really bad as she seemed to like it but it was not the best looking balloon animal I have ever seen.
Which brings me to the rant of the day: how come adults feel like they should wait in line FOR their kids (meaning the kids are eating their donut and standing not in line, looking so disinterested) to get a balloon shaped into an animal? And I'm talking about 8-9 year old kids. Catherine waited patiently behind the freaking adult and then got a smaller, not as elaborate looking balloon as the freaking adult who stayed in line for her kids! That was really frustrating. At least she saw the clown juggle but this was totally wrong. And another thing: I tried to get a donut for Catherine as well as coffee for me, waited patiently in line and adults are trying to cut us off to get freaking raffle tickets! Again, I am there with a 2 year old and a 3 month old and the adults totally pushed through...this is a sad society we live in folks...OK rant over.
We stopped at a pharmacy to look around (remember, I felt guilty and Catherine really wanted to go) and we saw skeletons being sold. I told Catherine: "Scary!" She responded calmly: "Papa, they are just toys, not real". I was comforted by a 2 year old. We then went home after a walk to wait for Cindy to get home. Christina was suppose to be hungry but only had an once of milk, and spent most of the time smiling and cooing at me...those moments are great. When Cindy finally got home, we got ready to leave for the party. Catherine, exhausted, finally fell asleep in the car. We got to the party and I spent 45 minutes in the car with her. And if someone says: "Just get her out of her seat and let her sleep on you at the party", they do not know Catherine. Stopping the motor on the vehicle wakes her!
At the party, she did good, played with her little friends from last week and enjoyed competing with others for toys. I'll write about this a little longer some other time but I saw a full-time mother at home at the party and I gave her all the props in the world for staying at home. It is much harder than it looks and this little leave taught me that. Christina was a little more cranky and had trouble sleeping. We went outside to play and helped unwrap gifts before we had to go. We left early so that we could go to the Halloween party and hopefully, the kids would sleep in the car. Well guess what? I slept (No, I was not driving) and Catherine stayed awake and Christina cooed all the way home.
We changed Catherine and Christina in their costume and went to the Halloween party at the daycare. Catherine was good but clearly out of it. She did the hokey pokey too much and fell on the floor, to dizzy to stand and she "turned herself around" to the ground. She spoke little, tried all her best to dance but was only doing it in 1-2 minute bursts. I saw other kids there out of control and Catherine and Christina handled it well. Almost had to call DCF/DSS on one parent...but that is another story for another day. Christina was surprised by loud music but let us comfort her back to calmness. Catherine definitely had fun but was too tired. We left, got home and went to bed. Except for me, I'm writing this blog.
All in all, a great day! I'm ready to crash now.
First stop: the gym. Catherine was still tired and cranky on the way there but did OK. Christina was looking around, falling asleep at times. At the gym, everyone loved out little shark and she had brought her baby shark with her! It was clear though that she had limited energy for the gym, falling and laying down several times. She even came out for a breather before the end, which she never does. I guess a 2 pound shark suit does use up more energy! Anyway, Christina loved looking at the kids running and made cute sounds when she saw her sister.
We then returned home with a plan to see a clown at Honey Dew's grand reopening...We wanted to go with Cindy but Christina fell asleep. So, at some point, we had to wake Christina up so Cindy could feed her and go to work. Catherine was getting restless. We finally went to see the clown...which made her a cute green elephant...that flew away in the wind as soon as we stepped out! Securing an elephant in a balloon shape is not as easy as it sounds. I felt really bad as she seemed to like it but it was not the best looking balloon animal I have ever seen.
Which brings me to the rant of the day: how come adults feel like they should wait in line FOR their kids (meaning the kids are eating their donut and standing not in line, looking so disinterested) to get a balloon shaped into an animal? And I'm talking about 8-9 year old kids. Catherine waited patiently behind the freaking adult and then got a smaller, not as elaborate looking balloon as the freaking adult who stayed in line for her kids! That was really frustrating. At least she saw the clown juggle but this was totally wrong. And another thing: I tried to get a donut for Catherine as well as coffee for me, waited patiently in line and adults are trying to cut us off to get freaking raffle tickets! Again, I am there with a 2 year old and a 3 month old and the adults totally pushed through...this is a sad society we live in folks...OK rant over.
We stopped at a pharmacy to look around (remember, I felt guilty and Catherine really wanted to go) and we saw skeletons being sold. I told Catherine: "Scary!" She responded calmly: "Papa, they are just toys, not real". I was comforted by a 2 year old. We then went home after a walk to wait for Cindy to get home. Christina was suppose to be hungry but only had an once of milk, and spent most of the time smiling and cooing at me...those moments are great. When Cindy finally got home, we got ready to leave for the party. Catherine, exhausted, finally fell asleep in the car. We got to the party and I spent 45 minutes in the car with her. And if someone says: "Just get her out of her seat and let her sleep on you at the party", they do not know Catherine. Stopping the motor on the vehicle wakes her!
At the party, she did good, played with her little friends from last week and enjoyed competing with others for toys. I'll write about this a little longer some other time but I saw a full-time mother at home at the party and I gave her all the props in the world for staying at home. It is much harder than it looks and this little leave taught me that. Christina was a little more cranky and had trouble sleeping. We went outside to play and helped unwrap gifts before we had to go. We left early so that we could go to the Halloween party and hopefully, the kids would sleep in the car. Well guess what? I slept (No, I was not driving) and Catherine stayed awake and Christina cooed all the way home.
We changed Catherine and Christina in their costume and went to the Halloween party at the daycare. Catherine was good but clearly out of it. She did the hokey pokey too much and fell on the floor, to dizzy to stand and she "turned herself around" to the ground. She spoke little, tried all her best to dance but was only doing it in 1-2 minute bursts. I saw other kids there out of control and Catherine and Christina handled it well. Almost had to call DCF/DSS on one parent...but that is another story for another day. Christina was surprised by loud music but let us comfort her back to calmness. Catherine definitely had fun but was too tired. We left, got home and went to bed. Except for me, I'm writing this blog.
All in all, a great day! I'm ready to crash now.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Friday the 29th-Very interesting day
So today was very interesting indeed. Catherine did well and slept most of the night. I feel really weird talking about my eldest's sleep habits first because it's...well... unnatural. Seriously, Christina slept through the night a second time in two weeks...not bad for a 3 month old. Catherine is over 2 1/2 years old and we struggle to get a full night's sleep. And I don't quite understand why. I have been wondering if nightmares or something were happening but when I asked her, she told me: "Swiper was trying to bite me". For those of you who have no idea what the freak I am talking about, Swiper is a character who "swipes" from Dora the Explorer. So she has this wallpaper border that has Swiper every few feet...all suggestions are welcomed on how to address this issue. Email me, call me (not on my cell, it's kaput), or tell me.
Catherine had some issues this AM again, acting tired, not listening ( Which is typical for 2 year olds ... right ... RIGHT? Anyone?) We were getting ready today to do some pumpkin carving, some cookies, some Rice Krispies treats...which had to wait until a nap because Catherine had trouble following simple directions...Again may be because she is 2, but she listens way better usually. Anyway, Christina just seems amused by the whole thing. She hangs out...as long as you are walking with her...if you don't, you are the worse father/mother/person ever! Seriously, she is not that bad.
It really helped to have Cindy around today. Catherine woke up refreshed and was able to have lunch, which consisted of her dipping her carrots in BBQ sauce meant for her chicken...whatever, at least she ate. She was then ready to help with the "Krispies" as she calls them. A hot stove and a toddler is not a very great combo...we nervously navigated through that. We then carved her pumpkin, which led to my favorite line of the day: We were emptying the pumpkin with our hands, which Catherine was telling me how dirty her hands felt doing it, she called over to Cindy and said: "Come on dirty mommy!". Wow, I will use that eventually...somewhere...OK just in this blog. After a few scary moments with a plastic knife (You had to be there to understand), we stopped and tried to play a little...but our girl was too tired...so the nap war started again, with Team Parent winning at the end. Now, it seems that she should not sleep so much, but you should see her dark circles under her eyes. Christina in all this? She fell asleep on my shoulder for 1 hour. I should put her down...but these moments are so quickly gone...call me a sap, I don't care. For my girls, I will be a sap forever. I still cry listening to "My little girl" by Tim McGraw.
Anyway, we went to a restaurant for my mother-in-law's birthday. Catherine was way better there than most kids and it was surprisingly refreshing to see that my 2 year-old was not so bad. Older kids were worst than her. I feel I can be hard on her but I am not the parent who wants to be the friend to my child: I want to be her father. Yes, sometimes I struggle, but at the end of the day, I need to parent...and this has been lost on a lot of people. I guess that, in the spirit of this blog, this is what I have learned.
When we went to bed, everything went well, she was so snuggly and giggly. She hugged me twice, gave me two big kisses and told me "Bonne nuit papa". She is the best. Christina again did her own thing and went to bed without much fussing. She is also the best!
Catherine had some issues this AM again, acting tired, not listening ( Which is typical for 2 year olds ... right ... RIGHT? Anyone?) We were getting ready today to do some pumpkin carving, some cookies, some Rice Krispies treats...which had to wait until a nap because Catherine had trouble following simple directions...Again may be because she is 2, but she listens way better usually. Anyway, Christina just seems amused by the whole thing. She hangs out...as long as you are walking with her...if you don't, you are the worse father/mother/person ever! Seriously, she is not that bad.
It really helped to have Cindy around today. Catherine woke up refreshed and was able to have lunch, which consisted of her dipping her carrots in BBQ sauce meant for her chicken...whatever, at least she ate. She was then ready to help with the "Krispies" as she calls them. A hot stove and a toddler is not a very great combo...we nervously navigated through that. We then carved her pumpkin, which led to my favorite line of the day: We were emptying the pumpkin with our hands, which Catherine was telling me how dirty her hands felt doing it, she called over to Cindy and said: "Come on dirty mommy!". Wow, I will use that eventually...somewhere...OK just in this blog. After a few scary moments with a plastic knife (You had to be there to understand), we stopped and tried to play a little...but our girl was too tired...so the nap war started again, with Team Parent winning at the end. Now, it seems that she should not sleep so much, but you should see her dark circles under her eyes. Christina in all this? She fell asleep on my shoulder for 1 hour. I should put her down...but these moments are so quickly gone...call me a sap, I don't care. For my girls, I will be a sap forever. I still cry listening to "My little girl" by Tim McGraw.
Anyway, we went to a restaurant for my mother-in-law's birthday. Catherine was way better there than most kids and it was surprisingly refreshing to see that my 2 year-old was not so bad. Older kids were worst than her. I feel I can be hard on her but I am not the parent who wants to be the friend to my child: I want to be her father. Yes, sometimes I struggle, but at the end of the day, I need to parent...and this has been lost on a lot of people. I guess that, in the spirit of this blog, this is what I have learned.
When we went to bed, everything went well, she was so snuggly and giggly. She hugged me twice, gave me two big kisses and told me "Bonne nuit papa". She is the best. Christina again did her own thing and went to bed without much fussing. She is also the best!
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Day 11- Wow, what happened to my big girl?
So today was the day where I have my two girls all alone...What a day! So Catherine did not sleep well at all, was up early and woke up Christina. She then decided to wake me up...at 6:15AM! Catherine was so tired that while eating her cereal, she almost fell face first in the bowl. So we sent her back to bed...which ended up a battle of epic proportion! She did not fall asleep right away and fought for over 1 hour...until she pooped in her diaper. I went to change her and she fought again, until finally falling asleep until 10:45AM. Christina had time to have two feedings during that time.
Catherine needed redirection all day. We got lunch and then tried to relax playing and watching Barney, the episode about doctors and dentist for the 77th time in the past month (I kid you not). Christina during that time was chilled...until Catherine leaned on her...which prompted my loss of patience. I then decided we needed to go somewhere. Christina decided that the "trauma" her sister gave her led to hunger bang. Time is 1:05PM. After eating, we then prepared to leave. We finally got to the car at 1:40PM. Christina struggled to sleep, Catherine just outright refused, despite bags under her eyes.
We went to see Cindy's work, which brought the woos! and ahhhs! from everyone for Christina. Catherine definitely felt lonely. She also stumbled to the ground 3-4 times due to being tired. We tried to sleep while driving to a mall, which did not work well for Catherine. Christina fell asleep though...until Catherine fell asleep...which prompted Christina to wake up out of hunger...I swear, they work as a tandem on these patterns. I think they are already have some devious plans going. Can't wait for them to really scheme. Catherine had to be removed from the mall and was refusing to sleep on the way home. She poopied at the end of the day in the pottie which made it all worth it. Seriously, this was a long day, where I was low on patience, high in frustration, and unsure how to deal with all of it. Christina was good, cooing, making faces, and smiling all day. I get to wonder "Where did I go wrong ?" and I know it's irrational but hey, don't tell me you don't understand. It's tough. I so admire single parents and wonder how in the blue hell do they do it?
Catherine needed redirection all day. We got lunch and then tried to relax playing and watching Barney, the episode about doctors and dentist for the 77th time in the past month (I kid you not). Christina during that time was chilled...until Catherine leaned on her...which prompted my loss of patience. I then decided we needed to go somewhere. Christina decided that the "trauma" her sister gave her led to hunger bang. Time is 1:05PM. After eating, we then prepared to leave. We finally got to the car at 1:40PM. Christina struggled to sleep, Catherine just outright refused, despite bags under her eyes.
We went to see Cindy's work, which brought the woos! and ahhhs! from everyone for Christina. Catherine definitely felt lonely. She also stumbled to the ground 3-4 times due to being tired. We tried to sleep while driving to a mall, which did not work well for Catherine. Christina fell asleep though...until Catherine fell asleep...which prompted Christina to wake up out of hunger...I swear, they work as a tandem on these patterns. I think they are already have some devious plans going. Can't wait for them to really scheme. Catherine had to be removed from the mall and was refusing to sleep on the way home. She poopied at the end of the day in the pottie which made it all worth it. Seriously, this was a long day, where I was low on patience, high in frustration, and unsure how to deal with all of it. Christina was good, cooing, making faces, and smiling all day. I get to wonder "Where did I go wrong ?" and I know it's irrational but hey, don't tell me you don't understand. It's tough. I so admire single parents and wonder how in the blue hell do they do it?
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Day 10-Sleep is now at a premium
So today was more on the hard side. Both the girls were up nice and early...and cranky. When Catherine needs a timeout before leaving for daycare, we know it's going to be a tough day. Christina was up but was not consistent in her feedings. And I am unsure if it's really teething but a new found talent that she has: She is getting a reaction.
So she now feeds, and then, midway through, she smiles at you and coos. It is so adorable and she loves the reaction. And it melts my heart and then I put the bottle away...which is fine until she realizes the bottle is gone and she is still hungry...for a little 15 poundish girl she has pretty good lungs when she is hungry! It is also a time where Christina cannot stand...literally but she also will not stand to be sitting or lying down. She needs to be up and walking with you at ALL TIMES....Now 15 pounds isn't much...until you walk around with it for 2 hours...anyway, my back, wrist injuries from my Catherine leave are starting to show.
Now again, I hope people know I am kidding. I really love this time with her and I feel totally privileged that I can do this with my girl (s). I want to do this. I know most of you have been extremely supportive and someone noted that she did not know many men who took their parental leave alone, without the mother. I wanted to do it. I think it is a huge challenge but also, I want to show that it can be done. I love being with her (most of the time). The chats and the kisses are priceless. I know they won't want to be kissed so much when they are like 14 (and no I am not trying to be creepy) and they definitely won't want to talk to me as much. I think creating a bond now will help.
So this afternoon, Christina struggled also with sleep, eating...and I could not figure it out. She was not even being charming...Until we went to pick up Catherine at daycare. She then let one rip and then smiled....then I knew why she was like . She was OK for most of the night, but really appeared tired. Catherine was still being a handful. I had to leave her room without finishing her bedtime story, which I really hate doing and felt extremely guilty about. I went to check on her before heading to the gym. She woke up and told me: "Papa, I was worried about you. Are you OK?" She then told me: "Sleep well, je t'aime!"...just wanted to die. Yes, I know how that sounds but I am comfortable with that.
Let me finish on this note: I went to the gym and I heard a Christmas song playing. I got really annoyed and upset until I realized...I was wearing my Ipod.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Day 9-My baby can't sleep
So today was quite interesting. Christina decided that she is now unable to sleep without me or some sort of movement. So if I was not rocking her, walking with her, pushing her in a stroller or driving the car. So let's just say we drove 40 miles and I walked over 4 miles! Can you believe it? I think my daughter thinks I must lose some weight or something.
I make it sound like it was fun or something but honestly, it is tiring. I struggled with any "down time". I think it is hard to admit, but we all need some time to relax as a parent, so when you have to be constantly moving, it can be quite exhausting. She is so cute though! Her little smile makes it all worth it...well sometimes. My back has been screaming at me for the last few hours and I definitely struggled with hills today.
The other news of the day is that my phone got a little splash of water...which caused it to lock the keyboard...OK it probably short-circuited. I cannot believe RIM does not realize that some blackberry users may have some spillage or something that may fall on it that is liquid. I honestly did not have a lot of water on it...and it locked. And that water was from...the cup of water I was saving to warm up Christina's milk. It was nowhere near my girl so no worries.
The hardest part for me to leave the house is to have to plan to have hot water available anywhere I go. I seriously plan my trips thinking: OK I can go there, there is a DD, Starbucks, Honey Dew, etc. And when you are looking for that hot water, you realize two things: 1-There isn't as many DD as one may think...they tend to be sparse when I really need them. 2-People who you ask for hot water are mostly slow. When I ask for hot water for the baby's milk, most of them think I will be putting the boiling water in the bottle. "Yes, that is why I need the water, so I can burn my newborn's esophagus and claim that you were "in cahoots" with me to DSS/DCF". Seriously, people can't understand we are putting the bottle in the hot water with no actual contact with the milk? Anyway, that is a little pet peeve.
Today's stat of the day: I wanted to go to the post office. I started getting ready at 9:20AM...we got out of the house (still not moving the stroller mind you) 10:05AM.
I make it sound like it was fun or something but honestly, it is tiring. I struggled with any "down time". I think it is hard to admit, but we all need some time to relax as a parent, so when you have to be constantly moving, it can be quite exhausting. She is so cute though! Her little smile makes it all worth it...well sometimes. My back has been screaming at me for the last few hours and I definitely struggled with hills today.
The other news of the day is that my phone got a little splash of water...which caused it to lock the keyboard...OK it probably short-circuited. I cannot believe RIM does not realize that some blackberry users may have some spillage or something that may fall on it that is liquid. I honestly did not have a lot of water on it...and it locked. And that water was from...the cup of water I was saving to warm up Christina's milk. It was nowhere near my girl so no worries.
The hardest part for me to leave the house is to have to plan to have hot water available anywhere I go. I seriously plan my trips thinking: OK I can go there, there is a DD, Starbucks, Honey Dew, etc. And when you are looking for that hot water, you realize two things: 1-There isn't as many DD as one may think...they tend to be sparse when I really need them. 2-People who you ask for hot water are mostly slow. When I ask for hot water for the baby's milk, most of them think I will be putting the boiling water in the bottle. "Yes, that is why I need the water, so I can burn my newborn's esophagus and claim that you were "in cahoots" with me to DSS/DCF". Seriously, people can't understand we are putting the bottle in the hot water with no actual contact with the milk? Anyway, that is a little pet peeve.
Today's stat of the day: I wanted to go to the post office. I started getting ready at 9:20AM...we got out of the house (still not moving the stroller mind you) 10:05AM.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Week 2, day 1 or Day 8- Whatever you want
I'd like to report on my day but honestly, there was nothing really to report. Christina decided to catch up on sleep from the past three days and slept most of the day. The only concerned I had was that Christina did not want to drink her milk. I guess it's like any good drinker knows: the tap version is way better than the bottled version. Seriously, she was good and drank on a few occasions but I really am hoping that this is due to to her teething and nothing else.
Otherwise, I guess I want to raise an issue that has concerned me in the past that has been re-raised due to recent issues: how come we, as humans, cannot create a sock for newborns that cannot be kicked off by said newborn? I mean seriously, we probably own every major brand of sock in the world (you should see the sock drawer) and I have yet to find a pair that a newborn cannot kick off...And when I try to kick off my socks, it is an impossible feat unless I pull on them vigorously. If you have a solution for me, please email or call. And remember, no glue or tape suggestions.
I also want to discussed something that has come up with a few people: I don't really know what parents go through when they raise their children. I got some comments telling me that they really relate to what I am going through. I feel relieved about this but I also feel...what's the word...betrayed! How come no one warned me? No one told me how hard this would be and how everyone struggled? I would have never agreed to this...torture. Seriously, I'm kidding. I really do wish people would have told me all the difficulties they faced because I would not have felt so incompetent...I guess we really don't remember the hard times of raising a child until someone reminds us of it. My guess is that there are two reasons for that: so that we procreate again and we all have PTSD...but I could be wrong...
And before I get any emails on this: I would not trade my time off with my girls for ANYTHING in the world. They mean the world to me.
Otherwise, I guess I want to raise an issue that has concerned me in the past that has been re-raised due to recent issues: how come we, as humans, cannot create a sock for newborns that cannot be kicked off by said newborn? I mean seriously, we probably own every major brand of sock in the world (you should see the sock drawer) and I have yet to find a pair that a newborn cannot kick off...And when I try to kick off my socks, it is an impossible feat unless I pull on them vigorously. If you have a solution for me, please email or call. And remember, no glue or tape suggestions.
I also want to discussed something that has come up with a few people: I don't really know what parents go through when they raise their children. I got some comments telling me that they really relate to what I am going through. I feel relieved about this but I also feel...what's the word...betrayed! How come no one warned me? No one told me how hard this would be and how everyone struggled? I would have never agreed to this...torture. Seriously, I'm kidding. I really do wish people would have told me all the difficulties they faced because I would not have felt so incompetent...I guess we really don't remember the hard times of raising a child until someone reminds us of it. My guess is that there are two reasons for that: so that we procreate again and we all have PTSD...but I could be wrong...
And before I get any emails on this: I would not trade my time off with my girls for ANYTHING in the world. They mean the world to me.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Day 7- Children's party
Today was just a lazy Sunday...sort of...We had breakfast this morning as a family and took our time, which is a nice change of pace. Catherine was really tired and we needed to get an early nap done. Christina was fussy...and we have now concluded that she is teething, as evidenced by increased drooling, trying to feed just to chew (my wife is so happy) eating our fingers, and just all around unhappiness. So Christina has had trouble sleeping and just chilling...which makes my second leave with a teething child.
I guess I am just lucky that way. I really don't mind....I mean she chews on the bottle not on me. She will be extra fussy, which means I must hold her more and rock her to sleep more often...what better time to be catching up on all those TV shows I never got to watch. Last time, I got hook on Numb3rs, which was awesome...and pulled off the air. Right now, I am watching sitcoms, such as Community and Outsourced...good look on those renewals next season! I also drove to get Catherine to sleep...at 3.50 a gallon! Seems cheap now!
So Cindy was nice enough to go out with Christina while Catherine "napped". Napping for Catherine means she fights for 30-45 minutes before actually falling asleep. So with all the free time, I did was a regular guy does: I did laundry, cleaned up a little and looked up football stats. My life is so exciting! I know, don't be jealous. We then got ready to go a friend's one year old party.
Now, if you have been to one of these, this is a party for everyone else but the one-year old. I know, that's how it was for our Catherine. A bunch of adults trying to catch up on life. And there is usually many, many kids...which makes you grateful that you only have two. Now, as disclaimer to my friends, I am not saying anything bad about any of my friends kids. All I am saying is 7 kids is too many to handle. Wow, I developed ADHD during that time. I was trying to watch football, I got distracted. I was talking to kids, I got distracted by other kids. I was talking to adults, I got distracted by other adults...and by the time I get to be semi-focussed, we've been at the party for 4 hours. So we had to leave.
The party in itself was pretty good. I got to talk to very interesting people about things that I am truly passionate about. I got to play with a bunch of kids different games that lasted 4.5 seconds a game, and I got to see other parents in action. Call me a voyeur (my case is pending) but it is very interested to me. I pick up tricks, ideas but, more importantly, I feel like other parents feel as overwhelmed as I am sometimes. I truly admire any parent who can semi-manage their children in a chaotic party. I also scared the birthday boy, which I am still guilt-ridden about (that's the French-Canadian way of saying things). Hopefully, he'll forgive me. Catherine was awesome and Christina expanded her fan club by smiling and cooing at everyone.
And when we got home, we Skyped (look it up, it's a word, don't listen to spell check who wants me to write skipped) with my parents. After the obvious tiredness of our Catherine, we got ready for bed...which led to 2 potty pipis but more importantly, a caca in the potty. We were so proud of our girl. Catherine has been motivated by other kids at the party. So great!
Tomorrow, I go back solo with Christina! Should be fun! I also got many comments already, which I appreciate. I'll try to incorporate some ideas, as well as respond to some of the responses.
I guess I am just lucky that way. I really don't mind....I mean she chews on the bottle not on me. She will be extra fussy, which means I must hold her more and rock her to sleep more often...what better time to be catching up on all those TV shows I never got to watch. Last time, I got hook on Numb3rs, which was awesome...and pulled off the air. Right now, I am watching sitcoms, such as Community and Outsourced...good look on those renewals next season! I also drove to get Catherine to sleep...at 3.50 a gallon! Seems cheap now!
So Cindy was nice enough to go out with Christina while Catherine "napped". Napping for Catherine means she fights for 30-45 minutes before actually falling asleep. So with all the free time, I did was a regular guy does: I did laundry, cleaned up a little and looked up football stats. My life is so exciting! I know, don't be jealous. We then got ready to go a friend's one year old party.
Now, if you have been to one of these, this is a party for everyone else but the one-year old. I know, that's how it was for our Catherine. A bunch of adults trying to catch up on life. And there is usually many, many kids...which makes you grateful that you only have two. Now, as disclaimer to my friends, I am not saying anything bad about any of my friends kids. All I am saying is 7 kids is too many to handle. Wow, I developed ADHD during that time. I was trying to watch football, I got distracted. I was talking to kids, I got distracted by other kids. I was talking to adults, I got distracted by other adults...and by the time I get to be semi-focussed, we've been at the party for 4 hours. So we had to leave.
The party in itself was pretty good. I got to talk to very interesting people about things that I am truly passionate about. I got to play with a bunch of kids different games that lasted 4.5 seconds a game, and I got to see other parents in action. Call me a voyeur (my case is pending) but it is very interested to me. I pick up tricks, ideas but, more importantly, I feel like other parents feel as overwhelmed as I am sometimes. I truly admire any parent who can semi-manage their children in a chaotic party. I also scared the birthday boy, which I am still guilt-ridden about (that's the French-Canadian way of saying things). Hopefully, he'll forgive me. Catherine was awesome and Christina expanded her fan club by smiling and cooing at everyone.
And when we got home, we Skyped (look it up, it's a word, don't listen to spell check who wants me to write skipped) with my parents. After the obvious tiredness of our Catherine, we got ready for bed...which led to 2 potty pipis but more importantly, a caca in the potty. We were so proud of our girl. Catherine has been motivated by other kids at the party. So great!
Tomorrow, I go back solo with Christina! Should be fun! I also got many comments already, which I appreciate. I'll try to incorporate some ideas, as well as respond to some of the responses.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Day 5 and 6- It has been a week already!
So I guess I will not be able to write everyday. I underestimated how tired and cranky I would get at the end of the day. I guess this is the difference between best intentions versus reality of life.
Yesterday went a lot better, because my wonderful wife was there to diffuse. Sure, we had some tense moments, especially around naps but that is stuff I am used to dealing. For some reason, my kids do not want me to nap when they are awake! OK, don't call DSS/DCF (whatever their name is this week) because this is a joke. We did well in the morning, watching some shows and just hanging out as a family. After lunch, we went pumpkin picking...OK so we took 2 pumpkins from a bin and left because it was so windy. Catherine had some fun but was really looking forward to going to the car. We went to Lookout Farm, where we went 2 years ago and did not enjoy. I guess we now have to remind ourselves (again!) that we should not go there next year. Anyway, we went shopping to get some cookie cutters and stuff to bake cookies for the holiday.
When we got home, I got ready to go hang out with friends from work at a bar. It was nice to be able to be an adult with others and not worry so much about what is next, when the next feeding was, will I need a timeout, etc. The night out is a blur (OK, not that much) and it was fun.
Today went...well, let's see. I got up a little later (Thanks Cin) and we went to the gym. Catherine gets to be a little less manageable when there is two of us. So it was a battle to get there, and to get back. We then raked some leaves as a family, which was so much fun. We have great pictures of it. If you want to see any, let me know. Catherine got nice and tired and went for a sleep after lunch and Christina was fed before my wife had to go to work. I kind of fell asleep and got woken up by a scream out of horror movie. Christina was crying heavily. A check of the diaper revealed the poop from hell. I think it was 3 poops to be honest. I stopped counting how many wipes I needed after 5. She continued to cry uncontrollably and even after trying to feed her, she still cried...which woke up my other angel.
Catherine was helpful, tried to talk to her, suggested some stuff. I know this sounds a little out there, but Catherine knows her well. And when you are a desperate man, you will take advise from anyone! Catherine concluded: "She's being fussy". We went shopping and that went well. I will go on a tangent here: Why do people feel they have a right to look at my child when her shade is down? I mean, I understand she's cute, but what about she may be sleeping and needs that shade? Seriously, back off. OK, digression over. We then returned home. Cindy got back from work and we went out to eat. Again, plenty of people stopped to talk to her, which is fine when she is awake. Anyway, Catherine was tired and it was a challenge there too. Christina ate at the restaurant! She ate...a few of my fingers...Our guess is that she is teething.
It went well once we got home and here I am writing. It was a challenging week, filled with relearning a bunch of stuff of taking care of a newborn. I feel exhausted, but that may be the writing of this blog. Seriously, thanks a million for all the comments and advise, ideas, suggestions around what to do with my difficulties. It makes me feel good that people are reading. I want to encourage questions, ideas to blog about, etc. Most of posts have been peppered of things other people have told me and I like to incorporate them. I have a few more ideas to write about but please, feel free to contact me.
Yesterday went a lot better, because my wonderful wife was there to diffuse. Sure, we had some tense moments, especially around naps but that is stuff I am used to dealing. For some reason, my kids do not want me to nap when they are awake! OK, don't call DSS/DCF (whatever their name is this week) because this is a joke. We did well in the morning, watching some shows and just hanging out as a family. After lunch, we went pumpkin picking...OK so we took 2 pumpkins from a bin and left because it was so windy. Catherine had some fun but was really looking forward to going to the car. We went to Lookout Farm, where we went 2 years ago and did not enjoy. I guess we now have to remind ourselves (again!) that we should not go there next year. Anyway, we went shopping to get some cookie cutters and stuff to bake cookies for the holiday.
When we got home, I got ready to go hang out with friends from work at a bar. It was nice to be able to be an adult with others and not worry so much about what is next, when the next feeding was, will I need a timeout, etc. The night out is a blur (OK, not that much) and it was fun.
Today went...well, let's see. I got up a little later (Thanks Cin) and we went to the gym. Catherine gets to be a little less manageable when there is two of us. So it was a battle to get there, and to get back. We then raked some leaves as a family, which was so much fun. We have great pictures of it. If you want to see any, let me know. Catherine got nice and tired and went for a sleep after lunch and Christina was fed before my wife had to go to work. I kind of fell asleep and got woken up by a scream out of horror movie. Christina was crying heavily. A check of the diaper revealed the poop from hell. I think it was 3 poops to be honest. I stopped counting how many wipes I needed after 5. She continued to cry uncontrollably and even after trying to feed her, she still cried...which woke up my other angel.
Catherine was helpful, tried to talk to her, suggested some stuff. I know this sounds a little out there, but Catherine knows her well. And when you are a desperate man, you will take advise from anyone! Catherine concluded: "She's being fussy". We went shopping and that went well. I will go on a tangent here: Why do people feel they have a right to look at my child when her shade is down? I mean, I understand she's cute, but what about she may be sleeping and needs that shade? Seriously, back off. OK, digression over. We then returned home. Cindy got back from work and we went out to eat. Again, plenty of people stopped to talk to her, which is fine when she is awake. Anyway, Catherine was tired and it was a challenge there too. Christina ate at the restaurant! She ate...a few of my fingers...Our guess is that she is teething.
It went well once we got home and here I am writing. It was a challenging week, filled with relearning a bunch of stuff of taking care of a newborn. I feel exhausted, but that may be the writing of this blog. Seriously, thanks a million for all the comments and advise, ideas, suggestions around what to do with my difficulties. It makes me feel good that people are reading. I want to encourage questions, ideas to blog about, etc. Most of posts have been peppered of things other people have told me and I like to incorporate them. I have a few more ideas to write about but please, feel free to contact me.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Day 3 and 4-Wow this is hard! (that's what she said!)
So I did not write yesterday...well...because...I was tired...cranky...exhausted. Let's just say yesterday my wife worked at her private practice and Christina needed her mother. And I was not very useful. So adult timeouts were in order. During the day, it went better but she did struggle being away from mommy. I cannot compete with...well...you know...those...milk producing...well...figure it out!
Today was the first day of both Catherine and Christina being home...Wow was that an experience. I got up late (again!) and Catherine already appeared tired. Christina and I wanted to snooze more but she needed to be fed before leaving to relieve both mother and daughter (again, figure it out!). Christina got tired early so me and tired attempted to do some stuff around the house...which was a disaster...I lost my patience several times...Christina eventually woke up and struggled taking the bottle. And Catherine was "helpful" by shoving the bottle in her face or by crying every time the word "no" came out of my mouth.
I reluctantly went for a walk right before lunch, where rain was menacing and Christina fussing...and Catherine show-boating. And being loud...which made Christina fussy...you get the cycle. We came home for lunch...which everyone had at the same time...have you ever tried to give a breast-milk bottle to a 2 month old that was too cold? And then it gets too warm when you reheat it? Well if you haven't, I do not suggest it...
Let me digress for a minute...these milk warmers seem to have only two temperature: real lukewarm or hot to the point it gives you 3rd degree burns. And has a father with limited patience and with babies who have the same amount of patience, it makes for a...wait for it...the pun is on..."heated" situation! Can't they make it that when the milk hits a certain temperature, it shuts off? And if anyone invents that...I want royalties.
So Catherine was brought upstairs screaming for her nap because, she told me, "I'm not tired". Christina crashed after a few cries and lots of rocking. I was so tired, I fell asleep too, with Christina on my shoulder. After waking up, I went to put her down...bad idea! Automatic wake up and hunger...combined with Catherine needing to be up...Tough. We then went shopping, where it went OK and got home to make supper. After talking to my parents on Skype, it was bath time and bed time.
The proudest moment of my day came at the end of my day: Catherine pooped in her pottie (BTW, spellcheck wants me to change this to "pot pie")! These are the things that make me happy now: poop I have to clean out of a plastic potty. Catherine has struggled at times with the arrival of her sister but is such a loving girl. She is my grandmother, Memere, reincarnated!
I wanted to finish with this note: I know I choose to do this and yes I do complain but I really am doing it to get it off my chest. I think sometimes we do things not because they are easy but because they are right. I know it's right...I just struggle sometimes and hope writing about it can be liberating for me and have others tell me how they relate.
Today was the first day of both Catherine and Christina being home...Wow was that an experience. I got up late (again!) and Catherine already appeared tired. Christina and I wanted to snooze more but she needed to be fed before leaving to relieve both mother and daughter (again, figure it out!). Christina got tired early so me and tired attempted to do some stuff around the house...which was a disaster...I lost my patience several times...Christina eventually woke up and struggled taking the bottle. And Catherine was "helpful" by shoving the bottle in her face or by crying every time the word "no" came out of my mouth.
I reluctantly went for a walk right before lunch, where rain was menacing and Christina fussing...and Catherine show-boating. And being loud...which made Christina fussy...you get the cycle. We came home for lunch...which everyone had at the same time...have you ever tried to give a breast-milk bottle to a 2 month old that was too cold? And then it gets too warm when you reheat it? Well if you haven't, I do not suggest it...
Let me digress for a minute...these milk warmers seem to have only two temperature: real lukewarm or hot to the point it gives you 3rd degree burns. And has a father with limited patience and with babies who have the same amount of patience, it makes for a...wait for it...the pun is on..."heated" situation! Can't they make it that when the milk hits a certain temperature, it shuts off? And if anyone invents that...I want royalties.
So Catherine was brought upstairs screaming for her nap because, she told me, "I'm not tired". Christina crashed after a few cries and lots of rocking. I was so tired, I fell asleep too, with Christina on my shoulder. After waking up, I went to put her down...bad idea! Automatic wake up and hunger...combined with Catherine needing to be up...Tough. We then went shopping, where it went OK and got home to make supper. After talking to my parents on Skype, it was bath time and bed time.
The proudest moment of my day came at the end of my day: Catherine pooped in her pottie (BTW, spellcheck wants me to change this to "pot pie")! These are the things that make me happy now: poop I have to clean out of a plastic potty. Catherine has struggled at times with the arrival of her sister but is such a loving girl. She is my grandmother, Memere, reincarnated!
I wanted to finish with this note: I know I choose to do this and yes I do complain but I really am doing it to get it off my chest. I think sometimes we do things not because they are easy but because they are right. I know it's right...I just struggle sometimes and hope writing about it can be liberating for me and have others tell me how they relate.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Day 2-Afternoon Meltdown
Well, day 2 appeared to be starting without a hitch. Christina had to be woken up (2 days in a row) and we started the day just chilling in the house, walking around, getting a nap. After she ate 5 oz (!!!), she then accompanied me outside to rake leaves for about one hour. She was in this very cute carrier (Baby Bjorn) and seemed to enjoy herself. She cooed, she laughed and, appeared very interested.
But I got to tell you, my back was hurting after this hour. I figure she weights 14 pounds and with the raking motion that was fairly big ( more or less 3 feet), the actual weight on my back was 450 pounds (did I tell you I failed physics?). Anyway, we came into the house to just chill, play with her small toys and just laugh with each other.
She then ate a little more and we went to do some needed shopping at BJs, as I figured I would need 12 pounds of back rub after the grueling morning. We then went to Home Depot and, while there, a strong smell of sweet poo came to my nose. When we went to the restroom, I noticed a big poopie that had overflowed to her clothes. The good news is that they had a changing table at Home Depot (how contemporary for a tough lumber store). So I had to change her...I looked into the bag: first observation: no wipes! So I used paper towels wet in water. Second observation: the clothes were for a newborn. She is slightly bigger than a newborn now. And to top it all off, the diapers were slightly small! Christina laughed at the situation, which forced me to do the same and we made due.
We went back home and the hard part came: from roughly 1:35PM up to 3:20PM, the crying was non stop. I changed her in better clothes and diaper, I tried to feed her, I tried to walk her around, I put on music, I put her on a swing, nothing worked. I had to take two adult time outs. If you need an explanation on that one, call me! Anyway she ate a little at 3:20PM, slept on my shoulder and we then had to pick up her sister...She cried on the way there, was OK on the way back, cried at home until her mother came. She also struggled until her bath at 8:15...Let's just say I needed to step out.
I went to the gym and it cleared my head really good. In hindsight, I felt so incompetent with her. In fact, she is struggling with her mother being gone and having to drink the bottle type of milk. I struggle because I feel so helpless...and in some way I am...it is so hard to accept...maybe I should have let her transition at daycare instead of me...I really don't mean that...I think...
Monday, October 18, 2010
First Day
So today was D-Day...The day I was going one on one with my little treasure, the "Spitmaster", "The Milk Gobbler", "The Strident Cry", Christina. OK so it was not the boxing/wrestling match I make it out to be, but to be honest, I was a little nervous about this day. My memory may not be good but I remember struggling with my first day with Catherine so I figured it would be the same...Although I don't really remember. I wonder if the mind makes you forget these things so that you want to do it again.
I actually was looking for my journal from the time with Catherine...Unfortunately, the computer it was on crashed and the email I used at the time was erased so I guess this is a good way to keep it long-term somewhere. I believe it was hard and I was new at it. Now I am an old Veteran at this paternity thing (yeah two stints makes you an old timer at this thing I believe). I think I was very happy that I did it at the end...but I struggled with the cries, the not knowing what to do and always worrying about doing things wrong. I guess I don't care what's right or wrong!
Seriously, I guess I felt calmer during the day, especially when the cries occurred. I expected that she would not want the bottle right away. I expected her to struggle to get to sleep. I expected that going for a walk would help her. I also knew when to burp, when to keep things calmer, when to get more active, and, more importantly, I knew holding her every waking second was a bad idea (thanks Catherine).
So the blissful moment came at 11:45AM: she drank from her bottle from the first time. 3 oz. or so! Anther proud moment occurred at 11:52AM: she "gave back" 0.5 oz! We all changed our clothes and diaper (guess who had a diaper) and we had a jolly old time until..."The Next Feeding". The next feeding made me feel like I put "Shards O' Glass" in the milk. It was quite a struggle...until...low and behold...she suddenly drank! I was so happy, I spit up my water...And we all changed again...The rest of the day went well and we enjoyed some smiles and giggles for most of the afternoon.
A successful day overall...which only means it can only go downhill from here! Call me negative...I call it logical! Seriously, I want to believe it will be smoother than my current though process...there you go, the best possible positive statement I can make!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Nervous, anxious whatever word you want to choose
So it's late and I am starting to get nervous about tomorrow. Tomorrow is the first day I am truly alone with Christina. Now I know all the stuff people will say: "You did it with Catherine" "You'll be fine" "She loves you"....I understand all that happy stuff, but the fact is, it's like your first job, your first day at school, your first interview. IT rushes right through you...I hope I'll be alright....Of course I will...Will I?...Wonder if others feel the same way I do...And I can't fail...Am I really going to be as good as with Catherine...The cat will help me...I know this sounds all loopy but I believe a lot of parents go through the same thing. Christina has made me laugh and she laughed so hard a few times with me, I know she is connected...still...I am nervous...
Friday, October 15, 2010
I miss my family
Well today was the last full day in the Montreal area. I am both happy and sad to be leaving. I am happy, as I absolutely, positively understand a lot more the importance of routine for toddlers after spending the past week without a routine. I kind of knew the importance of these routines but did not realize how throwing off a toddler`s routine would affect ME so much.
Catherine has been very fresh and challenging in the past few days. From refusing to take her naps, to just demanding stuff and being very disrespectful to me and my wife, it has been tough...and of course it does not help that we are the only ones setting limits.
Catherine charms the pants off of everyone she meets. "So cute", "She is so big", "How adorable", and that`s just when she wants to poop! Seriously, she had everyone`s attention and that really served our little ham well! But now, it`s become difficult to parent, as she can turn to others with her charm skills...well thse have worn off for us! We need to get home just to get back in the groove with her.
I will miss my family and friends terribly. I finally saw my other best friend and his wife today and it was great. It is always fun to start talking to someone like you just talk to them yesterday, when in fact, it`s been over 2 months. I already wrote about my friends but will probably do so again in a future blog. I really want to concentrate on my family.
First off, I cannot be grateful enough for my mom and dad. They have been awesome grandparents (a little overindulgent but, as I understand "That`s their job") but they love their grand-daughters so much. I have never seen my dad so proud or happy. My mom has a grin everytime she holds them. I feel fortunate to have them.
I got to see every one of my aunts, a few cousins, and I go to tell you, I miss having my family around. They are so supportive but also, they are not afraid to tell you the truth and do not sugar coat anything (wonder where I got it?). They also hold something that few others hold : they have known you most of your life.
They tell you the funny things you have done, the embarasing things you also have said, or how you were when you were a kid. My aunt today told me something I did not even know about my history that made me feel so good: I took forever to speak clearly in French and English.
Why I say this is that I have all this guilt about teaching my daughters French, especially with Catherine. I do slip to English first, to make sure she understands. And then, when I talk in French, Catherine seems to not want to do it or understand it. She even gets angry and rejects me when I speak to much French (typical American! lol). But, during this past week, I noticed she understands the French and pays attention. She is shy to speak it...which brings me back to my aunt saying I did not speak much at first...and I consider myslef fully bilingual...so what I am doing may have a happy ending after all.
And for those of you who do not understand why speaking French is so important, just remember, most people look at their roots and want to learn from them. I will NEVER FORGET MY ROOTS! I am a proud Quebecer, and French is my first language. In Quebec on, every license plate it says: "Je me souviens...". Use translate on Google and you`ll understand that my daughters will live by that motto...God knows I follow that rule...Ask my wife how much of a pain it is!
Catherine has been very fresh and challenging in the past few days. From refusing to take her naps, to just demanding stuff and being very disrespectful to me and my wife, it has been tough...and of course it does not help that we are the only ones setting limits.
Catherine charms the pants off of everyone she meets. "So cute", "She is so big", "How adorable", and that`s just when she wants to poop! Seriously, she had everyone`s attention and that really served our little ham well! But now, it`s become difficult to parent, as she can turn to others with her charm skills...well thse have worn off for us! We need to get home just to get back in the groove with her.
I will miss my family and friends terribly. I finally saw my other best friend and his wife today and it was great. It is always fun to start talking to someone like you just talk to them yesterday, when in fact, it`s been over 2 months. I already wrote about my friends but will probably do so again in a future blog. I really want to concentrate on my family.
First off, I cannot be grateful enough for my mom and dad. They have been awesome grandparents (a little overindulgent but, as I understand "That`s their job") but they love their grand-daughters so much. I have never seen my dad so proud or happy. My mom has a grin everytime she holds them. I feel fortunate to have them.
I got to see every one of my aunts, a few cousins, and I go to tell you, I miss having my family around. They are so supportive but also, they are not afraid to tell you the truth and do not sugar coat anything (wonder where I got it?). They also hold something that few others hold : they have known you most of your life.
They tell you the funny things you have done, the embarasing things you also have said, or how you were when you were a kid. My aunt today told me something I did not even know about my history that made me feel so good: I took forever to speak clearly in French and English.
Why I say this is that I have all this guilt about teaching my daughters French, especially with Catherine. I do slip to English first, to make sure she understands. And then, when I talk in French, Catherine seems to not want to do it or understand it. She even gets angry and rejects me when I speak to much French (typical American! lol). But, during this past week, I noticed she understands the French and pays attention. She is shy to speak it...which brings me back to my aunt saying I did not speak much at first...and I consider myslef fully bilingual...so what I am doing may have a happy ending after all.
And for those of you who do not understand why speaking French is so important, just remember, most people look at their roots and want to learn from them. I will NEVER FORGET MY ROOTS! I am a proud Quebecer, and French is my first language. In Quebec on, every license plate it says: "Je me souviens...". Use translate on Google and you`ll understand that my daughters will live by that motto...God knows I follow that rule...Ask my wife how much of a pain it is!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Seeing old friends is great
I have been back in Quebec for about 5 days now and I realize that I have great friends. I mean, you don`t realize it sometimes in the moment but you are very lucky to hold on to a few friends for 18+ years.
We were sitting for brunch on Monday and I was sitting with 2 friends who have known me for 18 years and 20 years respectively. We have all grown up to be parents, all three of us have 2 kids. We were sitting, thinking about our inside stories that only a few understand, thinking about how we have all become professionals and that we have come a long way and we probably have done so because we had each other.
I mean, I don`t quite uderstand what in the blue hell posseses people to be my friends for that long but hey, it`s their loss! Seriously, every single time I see them, I feel so much better about myself. They make me realize my accomplishments, my realizations in my life, and how we`ve come a long way. This may sound narcistic, but I truly don`t care!
They have certainly done so too. They even report that I may have helped them! Who would have thunk it??? Having gone our own problems at different times in our lives, we have found a way to be there for each other, no matter the distance or how busy we were. Strength does come in numbers and I believe the longer a person has known you, the better equipped they are to remind you how great you actually have it.
I realized also how, as a father, I do try to go above and beyond. Both my friends told me how they find me to be dedicated to my girls and how their husbands have not ever been alone for a long period of time with their kids (like taking a paternal leave of absence, alone, with a baby). It is , by no means, a criticism to them. They are great guys and great partners. I admire both of these men for different reasons. I mean, they also put up with my friends, I got to give them credit for that! But their kind words make me feel good, because God knows I feel so incompetent!
I mean other guys, especially in my line of work, have made fun of me taking a paternal leave, especially in large groups (insert crack of the whip here). I mean, it isn`t really manly to do so. One thing I did notice is that, privately, these same guys come to me and tell me that what I am doing is right for my girls and that secretly, they wished they would have done it or, in some instances, admit freely that they couldn`t do it. Older guys also tell me that I should cherish it and that, in hindsight, they wished they would have done it. And FYI...I will give no names up, unless a large number of unsequential bills come into my hand.
I also have another two friends who have known me for 20+ years who happen to be guys, who have openly supported me and given me credit. I saw one of them this week and I am hoping to see the other before the week ends. At the end of the day, my friends, who have been there for me even though I have been gone for almost 12 years from Quebec, always find a way to give me a bigger smile when I see them. And that is so needed when taking care of two young girls.
P.S. If you need an address to send the money, let me know.
We were sitting for brunch on Monday and I was sitting with 2 friends who have known me for 18 years and 20 years respectively. We have all grown up to be parents, all three of us have 2 kids. We were sitting, thinking about our inside stories that only a few understand, thinking about how we have all become professionals and that we have come a long way and we probably have done so because we had each other.
I mean, I don`t quite uderstand what in the blue hell posseses people to be my friends for that long but hey, it`s their loss! Seriously, every single time I see them, I feel so much better about myself. They make me realize my accomplishments, my realizations in my life, and how we`ve come a long way. This may sound narcistic, but I truly don`t care!
They have certainly done so too. They even report that I may have helped them! Who would have thunk it??? Having gone our own problems at different times in our lives, we have found a way to be there for each other, no matter the distance or how busy we were. Strength does come in numbers and I believe the longer a person has known you, the better equipped they are to remind you how great you actually have it.
I realized also how, as a father, I do try to go above and beyond. Both my friends told me how they find me to be dedicated to my girls and how their husbands have not ever been alone for a long period of time with their kids (like taking a paternal leave of absence, alone, with a baby). It is , by no means, a criticism to them. They are great guys and great partners. I admire both of these men for different reasons. I mean, they also put up with my friends, I got to give them credit for that! But their kind words make me feel good, because God knows I feel so incompetent!
I mean other guys, especially in my line of work, have made fun of me taking a paternal leave, especially in large groups (insert crack of the whip here). I mean, it isn`t really manly to do so. One thing I did notice is that, privately, these same guys come to me and tell me that what I am doing is right for my girls and that secretly, they wished they would have done it or, in some instances, admit freely that they couldn`t do it. Older guys also tell me that I should cherish it and that, in hindsight, they wished they would have done it. And FYI...I will give no names up, unless a large number of unsequential bills come into my hand.
I also have another two friends who have known me for 20+ years who happen to be guys, who have openly supported me and given me credit. I saw one of them this week and I am hoping to see the other before the week ends. At the end of the day, my friends, who have been there for me even though I have been gone for almost 12 years from Quebec, always find a way to give me a bigger smile when I see them. And that is so needed when taking care of two young girls.
P.S. If you need an address to send the money, let me know.
Monday, October 11, 2010
First days in Quebec
Happy Thanksgiving. I guess today is the official first day of my leave. It does not feel like it though. Being at my parents` house, spending time with friends that I have had for 18+ years who have been supportive the whole time, my wife being everywhere I go, I must admit this feels like pardise.
Let me rephrase that: the moments where people are there, it is like paradise. I have enough to distract them (and me) from any minor issue, such as crankiness, destructiveness, freshness (both the figure of speech and eh...how shall I say...bum wise). But this comes back to haunt you. Think about it: freshness, crankiness, destructiveness is diffused when you are with people. When you are alone, it gets magnified 10 times, as you have to look at it, deal with it and all the guilt and second guessing that goes with it.
I mean, I am pretty sure I am doing the right thing but I guess the second guessing is second nature to me (that redundancy was on purpose). I wish I had a little volume controller for my mind on these second guesses...and don`t believe one minute that the toddler does not know about all the doubt and guilt that comes with it. She is very versed on using it against me. Those tears really get me.
I am not saying Catherine is bad. I mean, she is the reincarnation of my dear, late "Memere" (ask my friends and family) but she does know how to tug on my heart strigs: the quivering lip, the well placed "I love you papa", etc. But she also knows when I am tired, cranky and how she can use it to her advantage. Call me paranoid, therapist friends, but I know what I know! The crooked little smile does it to me. Christina is a little young but she seems t place that cute little smile at the right time! I know why they are so cute in those hard moments.
So sleep is another challenge, which I briefly touched upon a blog ago...This is another thing that has been tough. We shall see how the next few days go but a word to the wise: 2 adults, 2 children under 3 in the same room to sleep = disaster!
Let me rephrase that: the moments where people are there, it is like paradise. I have enough to distract them (and me) from any minor issue, such as crankiness, destructiveness, freshness (both the figure of speech and eh...how shall I say...bum wise). But this comes back to haunt you. Think about it: freshness, crankiness, destructiveness is diffused when you are with people. When you are alone, it gets magnified 10 times, as you have to look at it, deal with it and all the guilt and second guessing that goes with it.
I mean, I am pretty sure I am doing the right thing but I guess the second guessing is second nature to me (that redundancy was on purpose). I wish I had a little volume controller for my mind on these second guesses...and don`t believe one minute that the toddler does not know about all the doubt and guilt that comes with it. She is very versed on using it against me. Those tears really get me.
I am not saying Catherine is bad. I mean, she is the reincarnation of my dear, late "Memere" (ask my friends and family) but she does know how to tug on my heart strigs: the quivering lip, the well placed "I love you papa", etc. But she also knows when I am tired, cranky and how she can use it to her advantage. Call me paranoid, therapist friends, but I know what I know! The crooked little smile does it to me. Christina is a little young but she seems t place that cute little smile at the right time! I know why they are so cute in those hard moments.
So sleep is another challenge, which I briefly touched upon a blog ago...This is another thing that has been tough. We shall see how the next few days go but a word to the wise: 2 adults, 2 children under 3 in the same room to sleep = disaster!
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Trip to Quebec
So we drove to Quebec Friday night, after bedtime, thinking it was a great move: I mean they should sleep all the way there and we get to just put them in bed when we get to my parents` house. WRONG!
So Christina woke up twice with a piercing screech that went right through you, waking up Catherine once (don`t ask me why only once). When Catherine woke up at around 1Am (no screaming of sibling required) near the border, she was too excited to fall asleep. So she stayed awake...essentially until 3:30AM! And of course Christina had trouble sleeping also.
So when 6:30AM came around this AM and Catherine was up, we èncouraged`her to sleep (use your imagination of how encouraging two parents can be with 2-3 hours sleep). So eventually we were up by 8AM.
The rest of Saturday went OK...because the girls were too tired to stay awake! What a great thing to be cranky, unable to sleep and overtired! The great joys parenthood bring you. It has been fun to watch my father enjoy holding Christina and interacting with Catherine. I am so exhausted, I fell a sleep twice writing this entry...so I will say....zzzz.z...zzz...
So Christina woke up twice with a piercing screech that went right through you, waking up Catherine once (don`t ask me why only once). When Catherine woke up at around 1Am (no screaming of sibling required) near the border, she was too excited to fall asleep. So she stayed awake...essentially until 3:30AM! And of course Christina had trouble sleeping also.
So when 6:30AM came around this AM and Catherine was up, we èncouraged`her to sleep (use your imagination of how encouraging two parents can be with 2-3 hours sleep). So eventually we were up by 8AM.
The rest of Saturday went OK...because the girls were too tired to stay awake! What a great thing to be cranky, unable to sleep and overtired! The great joys parenthood bring you. It has been fun to watch my father enjoy holding Christina and interacting with Catherine. I am so exhausted, I fell a sleep twice writing this entry...so I will say....zzzz.z...zzz...
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Pre-trial
So today, I was home on my day off and Cindy is still home due to her maternity leave. The morning went as smooth as it could: Catherine was doing great, helping us pack, Christina sleeping, eating, and making us smile. I got spat up once and it was just a minor change of shirt and a few laughs. Then, the afternoon hit.
Doing simple tasks, such as buying diapers became an ordeal: Catherine was cranky, Christina was fussy, I was flat-out deranged. Why can't a 2 month old and a 2 year old just understand that I am trying to eat and have a few seconds to myself...Geez, it felt like they were born yesterday...wait a minute, they were! Even though I have that knowledge, it was still befuddling me.
We trek through shopping and changes of poopy diapers in a men's bathroom without that little table to change kids (that was fun). The people who worked there followed me in at one point to make sure I was not doing anything...well I don't know and I don't care...We were finally able to get Catherine and Christina to sleep in the car!!! Those minutes of bliss were exquisite...but the "Wrath of the Bisson Sisters" was going to happen during supper.
Catherine would not eat but considered apple juice a full meal. Christina devoured her supper, which would come back to haunt us. While we were Skyping with my parents, Christina spat up on me (number 2 (no not that number 2) for those keeping track) and Catherine was falling apart. While we got Catherine ready for her bath (which was an epic battle), Christina spat up for a third time, this time with great precision: right in my ear. After changing in shirt number three, I was hearing the exchanges between Catherine and Cindy...let's just say someone was tired.
I brought Christina down to slow down. She fell asleep in her little swing. Now for the bad part: the Montreal Canadiens lost their opener to...Toronto...now if this is not an initiation on patience, I don't know what is. So while I am writing this, I cannot tell you how happy I was to have a supportive partner around...can't wait to be all alone with her!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Journal of a father on leave
In a little change of my previous blogs, I will write a journal for the next 4-5 weeks on my leave from work with my beautiful 2 month old daughter, Christina. I will write my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to diverse happenings. I did this with my first daughter, Catherine, and I was able to put the highlights in an internal newsletter at my work.
Although I do not promise a "daily" journal entry, I will promise regular entries. I will try to be as raw as I can, and spice it up with humor and other happenings. Feedback will be welcomed and encouraged. I am a person who, really deep down inside, is always worried. And to all my therapists friends, don't diagnosed me! I know I am a mess! If you are not a therapist, I will let you know that therapists, in general, are the most stable people I know, and by that I mean that their core muscles and balance are very strong. As for their actual thoughts and heads, until I get paid to do anything, I don't even try to understand them!
As of today, I am looking forward to my time with her. I am scared, petrified, happy, worried, and just a mess over it. I think it is important for fathers to be there for their children but am I someone they really want to hang with? On the other hand, I also believe that I can get to the level of a 3 month old, as my mentality and my jokes really work on that level regularly. I am not the most patient person in the world, so that will be a challenge. For my girls though, I have tried my hardest to always do the right thing and want to be the best father I can be. Many men have secretly told me how they wish they would do this but that they have (and had) their own fears of being alone with their very young children. Many older male friends/colleagues regret of not doing the paternity leave thing. I will do my best and live the dream!
My workplace has been supportive overall but my local office is worried about me being gone so long...4 weeks is nothing if you ask me. But I guess when you are that good...Seriously, I could not ask for a more supportive employer around this leave.
OK so I will try to write again this week. My leave starts officially Friday with a trip to see the family, friends of my Homeland...Quebec.
Although I do not promise a "daily" journal entry, I will promise regular entries. I will try to be as raw as I can, and spice it up with humor and other happenings. Feedback will be welcomed and encouraged. I am a person who, really deep down inside, is always worried. And to all my therapists friends, don't diagnosed me! I know I am a mess! If you are not a therapist, I will let you know that therapists, in general, are the most stable people I know, and by that I mean that their core muscles and balance are very strong. As for their actual thoughts and heads, until I get paid to do anything, I don't even try to understand them!
As of today, I am looking forward to my time with her. I am scared, petrified, happy, worried, and just a mess over it. I think it is important for fathers to be there for their children but am I someone they really want to hang with? On the other hand, I also believe that I can get to the level of a 3 month old, as my mentality and my jokes really work on that level regularly. I am not the most patient person in the world, so that will be a challenge. For my girls though, I have tried my hardest to always do the right thing and want to be the best father I can be. Many men have secretly told me how they wish they would do this but that they have (and had) their own fears of being alone with their very young children. Many older male friends/colleagues regret of not doing the paternity leave thing. I will do my best and live the dream!
My workplace has been supportive overall but my local office is worried about me being gone so long...4 weeks is nothing if you ask me. But I guess when you are that good...Seriously, I could not ask for a more supportive employer around this leave.
OK so I will try to write again this week. My leave starts officially Friday with a trip to see the family, friends of my Homeland...Quebec.
Monday, January 11, 2010
Don't regret, learn
I guess the inspiration for this one came up here at my job that I started a few hours ago. I have worked for this agency for 10+ years and I had left the agency for 10 months for a job in Vermont. The job in Vermont worked out but the social aspects of Vermont really didn't work out. So many people who saw me today (and since our return to this state 4 months ago) have asked me: "How does it feel to be back?". I have also been asked: "How was Vermont?"
The first part is always easy to me: I love Massachusetts, warts and all, and have felt at home here for 10+ years. I left my home of 24 years in Quebec to be here and I was never made to feel like I did not belong in Mass. My sometimes Canadian/French accent and inability to say "th" words very well has been the butt of many jokes but never in a mean or vicious way. Massachusetts never made me feel like an outsider. Add to that, that my employer during all these years, Advocates, has mostly made me feel valuable, respected, and took me back with open arms, this is a "perfect storm" to happiness. Sure, I complain about aspects of my job, but it has never, NEVER, been in a malicious way or in a way to put down this agency. I am someone who thinks I must do my best to be part of a team and seek improvements to the company I work. Ask all my former employers: I complain, but I really try to improve things, not make them woorse. Sometimes, I am too pushy. Whatever! Advocates lets me be me most of the timeand I am grateful for that.
The latter question makes me cringe most of the time, as I have mixed feelings about Vermont: I LOVED, LOVED the job. It gave me an opportunity to use my leadership skills in something I liked, got into a difficulty situation and adjusted to it. I was also able to bring a shift in culture in a certain way within the agency I worked with. I also was sent to meetings where my opinion mattered and felt I could make a change in ideas in the area. I had the confidence in the leadership in a way I have never had in my 10+ years in this field. As for my sociaal life, well that is a different story. I was never able to connect with people the way I wanted. My priorities were different. Sometimes, I wonder if I did not set it up that way. I state that my lack of social contact was due to others but sometimes, I wonder if I just knew...I still don't have an answer to that. I met some very great people that I miss and others I don't. Vermont is different than Mass after all.
When our house never sold, we had to make a choice around bankruptcy orcoming back and we came back to Massachusetts. I had to take a job I had trouble with and had trouble with again, to the point I had to look for work elsewhere. But that is another blog for another day.
The lesson here is this: I learned alot in Vermont, not only about myself, but about my skills, my wife, my child, and my interests. Do I regret going to Vermont, getting in debt on the house, feeling isolated, feeling lost? Absolutely not. I learned that you got to take a chance in life. You got to try stuff, learn about yourself and hopefully apply it in your life. Vermont thought me how to love myself and my family first. I also know I am skilled to the point you can meet higher ups in the goverment or in life and they will listen to you, and that a title in a job is just that: a title. I feel that Vermont was a great teaching experience for myself. Now if I could only apply it in my life...
The first part is always easy to me: I love Massachusetts, warts and all, and have felt at home here for 10+ years. I left my home of 24 years in Quebec to be here and I was never made to feel like I did not belong in Mass. My sometimes Canadian/French accent and inability to say "th" words very well has been the butt of many jokes but never in a mean or vicious way. Massachusetts never made me feel like an outsider. Add to that, that my employer during all these years, Advocates, has mostly made me feel valuable, respected, and took me back with open arms, this is a "perfect storm" to happiness. Sure, I complain about aspects of my job, but it has never, NEVER, been in a malicious way or in a way to put down this agency. I am someone who thinks I must do my best to be part of a team and seek improvements to the company I work. Ask all my former employers: I complain, but I really try to improve things, not make them woorse. Sometimes, I am too pushy. Whatever! Advocates lets me be me most of the timeand I am grateful for that.
The latter question makes me cringe most of the time, as I have mixed feelings about Vermont: I LOVED, LOVED the job. It gave me an opportunity to use my leadership skills in something I liked, got into a difficulty situation and adjusted to it. I was also able to bring a shift in culture in a certain way within the agency I worked with. I also was sent to meetings where my opinion mattered and felt I could make a change in ideas in the area. I had the confidence in the leadership in a way I have never had in my 10+ years in this field. As for my sociaal life, well that is a different story. I was never able to connect with people the way I wanted. My priorities were different. Sometimes, I wonder if I did not set it up that way. I state that my lack of social contact was due to others but sometimes, I wonder if I just knew...I still don't have an answer to that. I met some very great people that I miss and others I don't. Vermont is different than Mass after all.
When our house never sold, we had to make a choice around bankruptcy orcoming back and we came back to Massachusetts. I had to take a job I had trouble with and had trouble with again, to the point I had to look for work elsewhere. But that is another blog for another day.
The lesson here is this: I learned alot in Vermont, not only about myself, but about my skills, my wife, my child, and my interests. Do I regret going to Vermont, getting in debt on the house, feeling isolated, feeling lost? Absolutely not. I learned that you got to take a chance in life. You got to try stuff, learn about yourself and hopefully apply it in your life. Vermont thought me how to love myself and my family first. I also know I am skilled to the point you can meet higher ups in the goverment or in life and they will listen to you, and that a title in a job is just that: a title. I feel that Vermont was a great teaching experience for myself. Now if I could only apply it in my life...
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