Monday, November 19, 2012

Parenting: Not As Easy As It Looks

When I started reading about parenting in my late teens, boy did it sound easy. "Of course, I will use time outs appropriately", "I won't lose my cool", "Positive reinforcement is the only way to go", and my personal favorite "I won't be like the other crazy parents I see". Four and a half years in, I've broken all these ideals a few times, more than I care to write in this blot. Timeouts have been effective some of the time but I'm not sure I always use them right. Telling my kids why they are in timeout prior to sending them? Oh they know what they did! Sometimes, I think the timeouts were for me, not them. I have also caught myself several times. My favorite time was when I sent Catherine in timeout and I took her word on why she was there. Embarrassing to say the least. If losing my cool wad an Olympic sport, I would have a few records. Crowded places drive me nuts, now imagine it with impulsive 2&4 year olds. Not pretty. Also being an only child, I have no clue on sibling rivalry or how to put up with lots of talking and disorganized chaos. Ok, I am French Canadian and speaking over each other is a pastime but still... And please explain to me how you tell your kids you love them equally without World War III erupting and the dueling banjos from Deliverance make their appearance? I do use positive reinforcement fairly regularly but there is something to be said about limit setting once in a blue moon..OK once a day. How can you always be positive? I am positive that it is impossible to do! This is probably my biggest thing I got to work on. I guess that I can do it really well when I sleep well, do not get woken up early, that I am not over-stressed, and that they are getting along...Now all you parents out there, how often does that happen? I thought so! I remember looking at those crazed parents who yell and scream at their children or pull their arms out of their sockets when they are walking or shopping or anywhere in between. I wondered what the hell is wrong with them? I mean the kid is acting up, but that happen with young ones. Now that I have two, I realize that these moments are maybe the end result of a full day of trouble, where the parent used every single possible skill known in parenting and just can't do it anymore. While I still agree that yelling and screaming is wrong, and I really get upset to see kids getting pulled by their arms, I am starting to think those parents aren't as crazy as I though. I never yell or scream at my kids personally...well in public anyway. For those of you who are now horrified and think that my kids are in danger, let me reassure you: I write this in jest. I did want to point out that all ideals that we have as a non-parent are really tough to follow in real life situations but that if you are able to follow these regularly, you are doing a pretty good.

1 comment:

  1. I really think like you: only parents can fully understand parents. Some needs to improve more than others but we all need it at some point (or some pointS). I also think that there are some limits that have not to be cross...

    Someone said not to judge another before to walk a mile in their shoes (or something like that)... it is appropriate in this matter.

    Where does it come from that we need to be the best? To be perfect? Are we so self-sufficient that we think we can do it alone and the best way (I’m like that I know what I’m talking about). Nobody told me (when I was young) that « it takes a village to raise a child». I believe it know… And it starts with family and friends… but continues with neighbors, teachers, and all the other people we deal with… postman, cashier, boss, etc.

    You’re a good dad, a good human (men), a good friend, most probably a good son, a good husband, a good worker too! And it’s more than natural to make mistakes… but don't forget: it’s more than honorable to assume them!
    From Varennes xx

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