So I really feel like writing today. I had so much fun going to my first professional hockey game today with my big girl, Catherine. I say professional because we did go to a hockey game in Vermont featuring two local high school games. She was barely 1 so I am pretty sure it is a blur.
I was expecting a lot of redirection while going at the game, as well as as at the game but Catherine was the best. She walked 1/4 mile or so holding my hand, being a big girl and noting all the garbage on the ground and saying: "People are not nice! They shouldn't throw stuff on the ground". She was also amazed by the yellow fire hydrants of Worcester and we touched all 12 (not sure of her counting but whatever!) of them on the way.
When we got to the game, we got a big lollipop and a lemonade. She enjoyed both immensely! She did not drop any of them and ate them while watching the game. She loved the Worcester Sharks due to them being Sharks and the Springfield Falcons, as I was asked, "Are they the bad guys?". We were right at rink side close enough to touch the glass around the ice. When she saw her first hit on the boards, she asked me if they were going to break the glass. We had a conversation about how solid it was and we touched it. At the next hit near us, she said: "Wooo! But the glass won't break!"
She actually followed the puck fairly well but did not understand at first why they chased the puck. After the first goal, she understood why! During the first period, a puck went up the stand near us and the local photographer, who got it, handed Catherine the puck, which she promptly put in her mouth! I explained that it was the puck from the game, and she said "Ahh!". I have been to many games but never got a puck. She gets it on her pro game...I guess it helps to be a cute little girl in a pink Canadiens jersey.
At the intermission, we went to get some souvenirs. Her choices? The Shark foam head and the orange hat with the Shark logo on it! She was very excited to see the Sharks on most of the merchandise. We walked away before it cost me a small mortgage. During the second period, Finz, the Sharks mascot, came to our section. We got her hat signed and I tried my best to get a picture. She was also the only kid to say thank you (sad is it?). She was also not scared of the mascot, which, historically, she has been. Very cool! She was also impressed by the Shark logo on the board reading a book.
During the second intermission, she also was fascinated by the Zamboni. She asked me how it worked and why they did that, etc. I told her to ask one of our friends, who has driven many of zambonis, next time we see him. We stayed for most of the third but she did appear extremely exhausted so we headed out a little early. She was all smiles and truly liked the game of hockey. My only deception (and hers too)? Dora was there, made a 2 minute appearance at the top of a section and we never saw her again. She was advertised heavily on the outside and one of the main reasons of our trip to the DCU Center. We walked back to the car (actually, I walked and she was in my arms).
The Sharks won 4-3 in a great comeback win. This was such a fun experience, Catherine had so much fun and was all smiles most of the game. I can't wait to do it again. A great father-daughter bonding experience that I would not trade for the world. (even for the Indy-Pats game)
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
This week in our little family's history
So first of all, thanks for all the feedback. I'll continue to try to write every week or so and try to discuss a bunch of stuff from "what I have learned" in life to my current life situation, and anything in between.
My first week back was hard in some ways, easy in others. My transition to adulthood was surprisingly a lot less painful than I remember my awkward years between 18 until 22. I could talk, say intelligent things, and also meet sophomore humor with more LCD jokes (email me if you do not understand LCD). I was also taking heat for being gone "so long"...whatever. My job just took me back in as quickly as I left. My clients also did not skip a beat in challenging me with new issues as soon as I got back.
It was hard in other ways. The transition to daycare went smoothly for Christina and Catherine but the whole time it took is still catching up to me, as I struggle to make it from daycare to work on time. I am also use to rolling out of bed at the same time as Christina. Well, I got to actually prep to go to work so I really can't do that. I haven't use my alarm clock in months because Catherine, my alarm clock, was up always too early. Now, Cindy gets Catherine and I wake up way too late...So I learned how to work my alarm clock, pulled out the instruction, and figured out how it work...now if I can just turn it to "Alarm on" every night. I also started having a little cold last Tuesday that still hasn't completely subsided...It is hard to fall asleep or breath still to this day (night? Whatever!). Cindy has also struggled with a cold.
We have also struggled with all our kids being sick. Christina appeared to have a cold last week but no temperature. She wheezed a lot but has been her happy, cheery self. Her smile and laughter is so priceless! Got to get that on tape ASAP! She is just charming the people at daycare! Catherine has had her struggles but her biggest struggle was this Monday, when she woke up with really red eyes. It did not appear too serious (i.e. I did not think it was conjunctivitis) but when I got to day care, they told me "OH that's pink eye! 2 or 3 kids had it last week. She needs to stay home".
Here is my rant of the week: Couldn't they have told us that conjunctivitis was happening at the daycare? Seriously, like letting us know to increase hand washing, letting us know our kids might get it? And also, if symptoms occur (i.e. drippy eyes, red eyes) leave your kids at home for 24 hours? Is that too freaking hard? Will they "forget" to tell us when malaria is running around? I just think that they can let us know really fast about increases in "tuition" and no daycare days but sickness, which seems to be more of a pressing issue, can fly under the radar...OK rant over.
Catherine went to the doctor and also discovered that, in addition to conjunctivitis, she has an ear infection! Poor little girl. She got to stay home with her papa yesterday and Cindy and I split the day today with her. I think she really needed alone time with us and this was a good way. She was actually great most, if not all of the time. The most of the time is around her meds. Sure, she likes the pink antibiotic syrup (and who didn't like that syrup growing up?) but have you ever tried to put Bacitrin in the eye of a 2 year old? Wow, those have been epic battles. One colleague suggested to sit on her but I am trying to think it may be too traumatic...so we yell, scream and lose our cool for 20 minutes at a time instead...maybe I need to change my strategy!
She came up with a few gems in the last few days: "Can we drive to Canada to get 'Des Maisons?' (her favorite French song)". The CD now skips and she is distraught about that. I woke her up from her nap today, and she got startled and told me: "Swiper tried to get me and he scared me". Swiper, in case you are wondering, is a character on Dora and is present in her room...on a strip of wallpaper. "When I grow up, can I hold Christina?" (I let her know Christina "might" possibly grow too). I brought my Canadian flag home and she said "Nice Canada flag but where is the Canadian flag?" She also has decided that our cat Loki is now called "Lok" or "Big Guy", which, by the way, is how I call him.
Loki has also been a little more upset, having fur issues. He has a big patch missing on his stomach. We believe it is anxiety, but we are doing a flea and tick treatment in case. Christina has struggled a lot more at night, right before sleep. I got to admit that her strident, very powerful cries, go right through me and make me anxious and make me feel incompetent. I know it's in my head...but whatever.
So I'll write again soon.
My first week back was hard in some ways, easy in others. My transition to adulthood was surprisingly a lot less painful than I remember my awkward years between 18 until 22. I could talk, say intelligent things, and also meet sophomore humor with more LCD jokes (email me if you do not understand LCD). I was also taking heat for being gone "so long"...whatever. My job just took me back in as quickly as I left. My clients also did not skip a beat in challenging me with new issues as soon as I got back.
It was hard in other ways. The transition to daycare went smoothly for Christina and Catherine but the whole time it took is still catching up to me, as I struggle to make it from daycare to work on time. I am also use to rolling out of bed at the same time as Christina. Well, I got to actually prep to go to work so I really can't do that. I haven't use my alarm clock in months because Catherine, my alarm clock, was up always too early. Now, Cindy gets Catherine and I wake up way too late...So I learned how to work my alarm clock, pulled out the instruction, and figured out how it work...now if I can just turn it to "Alarm on" every night. I also started having a little cold last Tuesday that still hasn't completely subsided...It is hard to fall asleep or breath still to this day (night? Whatever!). Cindy has also struggled with a cold.
We have also struggled with all our kids being sick. Christina appeared to have a cold last week but no temperature. She wheezed a lot but has been her happy, cheery self. Her smile and laughter is so priceless! Got to get that on tape ASAP! She is just charming the people at daycare! Catherine has had her struggles but her biggest struggle was this Monday, when she woke up with really red eyes. It did not appear too serious (i.e. I did not think it was conjunctivitis) but when I got to day care, they told me "OH that's pink eye! 2 or 3 kids had it last week. She needs to stay home".
Here is my rant of the week: Couldn't they have told us that conjunctivitis was happening at the daycare? Seriously, like letting us know to increase hand washing, letting us know our kids might get it? And also, if symptoms occur (i.e. drippy eyes, red eyes) leave your kids at home for 24 hours? Is that too freaking hard? Will they "forget" to tell us when malaria is running around? I just think that they can let us know really fast about increases in "tuition" and no daycare days but sickness, which seems to be more of a pressing issue, can fly under the radar...OK rant over.
Catherine went to the doctor and also discovered that, in addition to conjunctivitis, she has an ear infection! Poor little girl. She got to stay home with her papa yesterday and Cindy and I split the day today with her. I think she really needed alone time with us and this was a good way. She was actually great most, if not all of the time. The most of the time is around her meds. Sure, she likes the pink antibiotic syrup (and who didn't like that syrup growing up?) but have you ever tried to put Bacitrin in the eye of a 2 year old? Wow, those have been epic battles. One colleague suggested to sit on her but I am trying to think it may be too traumatic...so we yell, scream and lose our cool for 20 minutes at a time instead...maybe I need to change my strategy!
She came up with a few gems in the last few days: "Can we drive to Canada to get 'Des Maisons?' (her favorite French song)". The CD now skips and she is distraught about that. I woke her up from her nap today, and she got startled and told me: "Swiper tried to get me and he scared me". Swiper, in case you are wondering, is a character on Dora and is present in her room...on a strip of wallpaper. "When I grow up, can I hold Christina?" (I let her know Christina "might" possibly grow too). I brought my Canadian flag home and she said "Nice Canada flag but where is the Canadian flag?" She also has decided that our cat Loki is now called "Lok" or "Big Guy", which, by the way, is how I call him.
Loki has also been a little more upset, having fur issues. He has a big patch missing on his stomach. We believe it is anxiety, but we are doing a flea and tick treatment in case. Christina has struggled a lot more at night, right before sleep. I got to admit that her strident, very powerful cries, go right through me and make me anxious and make me feel incompetent. I know it's in my head...but whatever.
So I'll write again soon.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Retrospective
So I could talk about today, what happened, how great Catherine has been and how Christina lights up every room she walks into. Rather, I want to do a retrospective of my leave and ask for feedback to people who actually read my blog.
First thing I want to say is that I am so happy I did this leave. To be honest, I was very hesitant. My first one with Catherine was quite challenging and I always felt I was not the greatest at staying home. I am not the mos patient man and I admit to that freely. However, this leave proved to me a few things:
a) I could be quite patient when needed. I am proud of that. Christina was quite challenging regarding feedings. She was also a little harder to read when things were wrong. Was it teething? Was it feeding? Was it a bad TV show I was watching? Was it needing to get out of the house? This was hard but most of the time, I went through the sequence and found out eventually what she needed. That can be daunting.
b) I also know how I got to bond with Christina, which was very important to me. When a child breastfeed, they are more bonded with their mother and the father becomes an after thought. I felt that way a lot in the beginning. This leave made me realize that every child needs a clown and that is who I am. Christina also needs to be stimulated by another person than mom.
c) I can actually not do work for 4 weeks and it's OK. I always take pride in my work but this leave, more than the first, I realize that work is second to family. Christina just loved just spending time and laughing with me, and just hanging. I also got to see friends and work was not in the forefront of my thoughts.
d) I really need to grow breast and get milk to come out of it. Seriously, that would a lot easier than preparing breast milk 4 times a day. And Christina knows the difference. Let's not kid ourselves.
e) I should be proud of what I did. I sometimes think that people believe I just do this for the time off. I was also shamed when people said: "But your wife gave birth 3 months ago?". Now I know that I did something that most guys have no testicular fortitude to do, which is stay at home alone with a young child. I also know that I should keep my head high and say that I did it. I can't really explain it, but I was always feeling like I did not have the right to do this. If you understand, let me know.
f) When you take care of kids, structure some adult time. I think sometimes I got really involved and lost my mind because I did not have one-on-one with adults. We all need some time to not talk goo goo ga ga, you know?
g) I admire all parents who stay at home. I wish I could say I could do it full-time. But I couldn't. I joke with my wife that I believe in empowering women so they could make even more than man so I could stay at home full-time. I really believe in equality but there is no way I would stay home full-time. Love my girls, they are my life, but we both need some time away from each other in order to really enjoy each other!
OK so I want to ask where I go from here. I want to continue this blog but I really won't have daily material. Should I go weekly? Every other week? Should I continue to talk about my trials and tribulations as a father or more about other stuff or both? Let me know what you think. I have had over 900 views in the past month, which is really cool and I am hoping that feedback will help me to continue or not. Thanks for reading.
First thing I want to say is that I am so happy I did this leave. To be honest, I was very hesitant. My first one with Catherine was quite challenging and I always felt I was not the greatest at staying home. I am not the mos patient man and I admit to that freely. However, this leave proved to me a few things:
a) I could be quite patient when needed. I am proud of that. Christina was quite challenging regarding feedings. She was also a little harder to read when things were wrong. Was it teething? Was it feeding? Was it a bad TV show I was watching? Was it needing to get out of the house? This was hard but most of the time, I went through the sequence and found out eventually what she needed. That can be daunting.
b) I also know how I got to bond with Christina, which was very important to me. When a child breastfeed, they are more bonded with their mother and the father becomes an after thought. I felt that way a lot in the beginning. This leave made me realize that every child needs a clown and that is who I am. Christina also needs to be stimulated by another person than mom.
c) I can actually not do work for 4 weeks and it's OK. I always take pride in my work but this leave, more than the first, I realize that work is second to family. Christina just loved just spending time and laughing with me, and just hanging. I also got to see friends and work was not in the forefront of my thoughts.
d) I really need to grow breast and get milk to come out of it. Seriously, that would a lot easier than preparing breast milk 4 times a day. And Christina knows the difference. Let's not kid ourselves.
e) I should be proud of what I did. I sometimes think that people believe I just do this for the time off. I was also shamed when people said: "But your wife gave birth 3 months ago?". Now I know that I did something that most guys have no testicular fortitude to do, which is stay at home alone with a young child. I also know that I should keep my head high and say that I did it. I can't really explain it, but I was always feeling like I did not have the right to do this. If you understand, let me know.
f) When you take care of kids, structure some adult time. I think sometimes I got really involved and lost my mind because I did not have one-on-one with adults. We all need some time to not talk goo goo ga ga, you know?
g) I admire all parents who stay at home. I wish I could say I could do it full-time. But I couldn't. I joke with my wife that I believe in empowering women so they could make even more than man so I could stay at home full-time. I really believe in equality but there is no way I would stay home full-time. Love my girls, they are my life, but we both need some time away from each other in order to really enjoy each other!
OK so I want to ask where I go from here. I want to continue this blog but I really won't have daily material. Should I go weekly? Every other week? Should I continue to talk about my trials and tribulations as a father or more about other stuff or both? Let me know what you think. I have had over 900 views in the past month, which is really cool and I am hoping that feedback will help me to continue or not. Thanks for reading.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Friday and Saturday November 5th & 6th...Things change
So these are the last few days of my leave with my girls...I have had a few good days, with occasional moments that were hard but overall. Fridays have been easier, as Cindy is home and it helps to have someone to tag in. Catherine was her usual self. She struggled with redirection but I have noticed something with her: if I am alone with her or Cindy is, she is more redirectable. When we are both there, she tries to feed off each of us and seems more hyper, out-of-control.
Christina, on the other hand, is just a cool cucumber most of the time. She seems to enjoy having both of us there, and she certainly enjoys the faces we make for her. She just coos and smiles away. She has been such a different kid. Some say it is experience, some say it the change of attitude of us as parents, I think those things help but, ultimately, she is just a different child than Catherine. Christina has been making me sad, with all her smiles and appearing to thoroughly enjoy spending time with me. I hate having to go back to work, even though I know it is what is best for her and me.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon was spent cleaning out Catherine's stuffed animals and books. Catherine was such a giving sister, working on sharing and even making a distinction of what she likes versus what Christina has liked (OK, maybe that is the over bragging parent, but please, just go with that notion!). She started over-giving by the end of the separation of goods so that was a little weird and created a weird energy. We tried to go return some items at a store and go see some animals at a store but it was too late, Catherine was tired and we ended leaving fast. We got everyone ready for bed and tried to sleep it off.
Unfortunately, Christina was coming down with a cold so she was up in the middle of the night...and had lots of trouble falling back asleep. I tried to contribute, but Cindy was really good with her and helped her fall back asleep. I sometimes feel so powerless in those situation and really want to help. I am not always very awake and not useful. I get angry at myself. I don't know, it may sound nuts but I wish I was better.
Anyway, today was starting a little rough. We were running slightly late for gym, Catherine was tired for the gym and struggled most of the AM. Christina was unable to sleep, Catherine was cranky and bossy. We tried to put them down for a nap but it was not helpful, so I decided to go for a ride to the mall. Yes, I am talking about taking 2 kids under 3 to the mall on a Saturday...but it was, actually, really great. And yes, I was alone, as Cindy had to work. Both slept on the way there. and then, they did awesome at the mall. We walked, got people say how cute they were, especially Christina...which brings me to my rant...
How come people look at the 3 month old and say "How cute!" "So precious" "Awww!" but ignore the toddler? I get so annoyed because they always annoy Catherine and I always make a point to include her somehow: "She got her looks from her sister" "Catherine, tell them you look exactly like her" etc. People are so freaking insensitive and really don't understand the impact of those statements and them ignoring the older child. Am I the only one who gets this? OK, rant over.
Anyway, Catherine was very good, helped me with some shopping for Cindy and even told me: "I don't like it" in front of the salesperson so I could leave without guilt. Christina also smiled and "hoooooo!" me a lot. We went home, got ready to go eat where it was rougher because Cindy was back! Seriously, I think they were both tired and Catherine is also coming down with a cold. We ate at a restaurant, where a man noted that Christina, due to her crying; "he'll make a great football player" to which I replied "I hope SHE will". After all, it was hard to tell, as she was wearing pink...OK maybe the guy was color blind...It really didn't annoy me but found it funny.
Catherine got home, went to bed, decided she needed the potty where she pooped and peeped...She was so funny though. She sat, asked for something to read (daddy's girl) and was there for a while. When I asked about pee or poop she denied it...and then slowly got up to "reveal it" to me! She then jumped up and down and was genuinely happy to see my happiness in my face. This stuff is only really cool if you understand how these little things are little gifts. Christina needed sleep too and went down fairly easy.
Last day tomorrow of the leave :(
Christina, on the other hand, is just a cool cucumber most of the time. She seems to enjoy having both of us there, and she certainly enjoys the faces we make for her. She just coos and smiles away. She has been such a different kid. Some say it is experience, some say it the change of attitude of us as parents, I think those things help but, ultimately, she is just a different child than Catherine. Christina has been making me sad, with all her smiles and appearing to thoroughly enjoy spending time with me. I hate having to go back to work, even though I know it is what is best for her and me.
Anyway, yesterday afternoon was spent cleaning out Catherine's stuffed animals and books. Catherine was such a giving sister, working on sharing and even making a distinction of what she likes versus what Christina has liked (OK, maybe that is the over bragging parent, but please, just go with that notion!). She started over-giving by the end of the separation of goods so that was a little weird and created a weird energy. We tried to go return some items at a store and go see some animals at a store but it was too late, Catherine was tired and we ended leaving fast. We got everyone ready for bed and tried to sleep it off.
Unfortunately, Christina was coming down with a cold so she was up in the middle of the night...and had lots of trouble falling back asleep. I tried to contribute, but Cindy was really good with her and helped her fall back asleep. I sometimes feel so powerless in those situation and really want to help. I am not always very awake and not useful. I get angry at myself. I don't know, it may sound nuts but I wish I was better.
Anyway, today was starting a little rough. We were running slightly late for gym, Catherine was tired for the gym and struggled most of the AM. Christina was unable to sleep, Catherine was cranky and bossy. We tried to put them down for a nap but it was not helpful, so I decided to go for a ride to the mall. Yes, I am talking about taking 2 kids under 3 to the mall on a Saturday...but it was, actually, really great. And yes, I was alone, as Cindy had to work. Both slept on the way there. and then, they did awesome at the mall. We walked, got people say how cute they were, especially Christina...which brings me to my rant...
How come people look at the 3 month old and say "How cute!" "So precious" "Awww!" but ignore the toddler? I get so annoyed because they always annoy Catherine and I always make a point to include her somehow: "She got her looks from her sister" "Catherine, tell them you look exactly like her" etc. People are so freaking insensitive and really don't understand the impact of those statements and them ignoring the older child. Am I the only one who gets this? OK, rant over.
Anyway, Catherine was very good, helped me with some shopping for Cindy and even told me: "I don't like it" in front of the salesperson so I could leave without guilt. Christina also smiled and "hoooooo!" me a lot. We went home, got ready to go eat where it was rougher because Cindy was back! Seriously, I think they were both tired and Catherine is also coming down with a cold. We ate at a restaurant, where a man noted that Christina, due to her crying; "he'll make a great football player" to which I replied "I hope SHE will". After all, it was hard to tell, as she was wearing pink...OK maybe the guy was color blind...It really didn't annoy me but found it funny.
Catherine got home, went to bed, decided she needed the potty where she pooped and peeped...She was so funny though. She sat, asked for something to read (daddy's girl) and was there for a while. When I asked about pee or poop she denied it...and then slowly got up to "reveal it" to me! She then jumped up and down and was genuinely happy to see my happiness in my face. This stuff is only really cool if you understand how these little things are little gifts. Christina needed sleep too and went down fairly easy.
Last day tomorrow of the leave :(
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Thursday November 4th-Before last day
So it's been quite a few days. Honestly, yesterday, I went to bed early because I was: a)exhausted from the day and b)I felt really negative. It has been a tough two days. I think it started with the whole Christina going to daycare thing and yesterday, Christina was very unpredictable for feedings, sleep, etc. I guess writing this, I feel kind of stupid, since this is not that big of a deal in the grand scheme if things but when you are trying to plan a day, it is a really big deal. I almost ran out of milk for the first time yesterday! And for those who know about frozen breast milk, yo'll nod in agreement as how that can be stressful. Thank God, Cindy came home early.
The other thing that was getting to me is that, with these struggles, I felt angry and I was upset that I was angry! Wow, I need a shrink (or drink, whatever!). Seriously, I wanted my last day of just me and her to be special and it did not turn out to be that way...which really is about my expectations. Anyway, Catherine was OK but needed lots of redirection, which also gets frustrating you know? So just a tough day and I figured a early bedtime was in order.
This AM, Catherine acted really tired and contradictory...which was tough. Christina struggled I think with all the negative energy and slept and woke up fussy a few times. I was also waiting for a plumber who was going to be there "within the hour" at 8AM and he came at....I should take bets on this...what is your guess....10:20AM...to tell me he needs to send someone else! So I went for a ride with my girls because I knew that was a way to calm my nerves and get them to sleep. And yes, it is calming to drive the streets of Massachusetts...Please call a psychiatrist now! But driving with my girls insures me of no crying, due to sleeping, and also a change of scenery. I also can get some of my tunes playing on the radio, not Dora, Barney, or Passe-Partout!
We came home, did the feedings, eating, changing, and really had a good time until I had to leave for some volunteer work at my agency. Honestly, I was happy to go somewhere to have some adult interactions! I was trying to think and the last time I had adult only interactions (no, not that type you perverse people) for 4 hours was my last day of work on October 8th...so I really needed it. And to those who will say that this is bad...let me just say this...you either don't understand what I mean or you are lying to yourselves. I love my girls more than anything in this world but you need some time away to truly appreciate them. It is also for plain sanity that you need to tell other adults what you are going through. I am so happy that someone I truly respect told me that: "You never hear people say: I should have worked more" but they usually regret not spending time with their family". And for my girls who may read this in the future: being away for a few hours is all about love, not anything else.
I was asked if I was looking forward to going to work: I answered "Yes" and related the story about a friend spending time at home full-time with her boys and how I admire her choice of family first, not work. I know I could not do it for a long period of time. It takes a special person to stay at home. Will I miss my girls? "Absolutely!!!" I even cried thinking about next week (call me whatever, I really don't care) but staying at home with children is a much tougher job than any criminal justice work I have EVER had. Cheers to all who stay home with their kids or are single parents.
The other thing that was getting to me is that, with these struggles, I felt angry and I was upset that I was angry! Wow, I need a shrink (or drink, whatever!). Seriously, I wanted my last day of just me and her to be special and it did not turn out to be that way...which really is about my expectations. Anyway, Catherine was OK but needed lots of redirection, which also gets frustrating you know? So just a tough day and I figured a early bedtime was in order.
This AM, Catherine acted really tired and contradictory...which was tough. Christina struggled I think with all the negative energy and slept and woke up fussy a few times. I was also waiting for a plumber who was going to be there "within the hour" at 8AM and he came at....I should take bets on this...what is your guess....10:20AM...to tell me he needs to send someone else! So I went for a ride with my girls because I knew that was a way to calm my nerves and get them to sleep. And yes, it is calming to drive the streets of Massachusetts...Please call a psychiatrist now! But driving with my girls insures me of no crying, due to sleeping, and also a change of scenery. I also can get some of my tunes playing on the radio, not Dora, Barney, or Passe-Partout!
We came home, did the feedings, eating, changing, and really had a good time until I had to leave for some volunteer work at my agency. Honestly, I was happy to go somewhere to have some adult interactions! I was trying to think and the last time I had adult only interactions (no, not that type you perverse people) for 4 hours was my last day of work on October 8th...so I really needed it. And to those who will say that this is bad...let me just say this...you either don't understand what I mean or you are lying to yourselves. I love my girls more than anything in this world but you need some time away to truly appreciate them. It is also for plain sanity that you need to tell other adults what you are going through. I am so happy that someone I truly respect told me that: "You never hear people say: I should have worked more" but they usually regret not spending time with their family". And for my girls who may read this in the future: being away for a few hours is all about love, not anything else.
I was asked if I was looking forward to going to work: I answered "Yes" and related the story about a friend spending time at home full-time with her boys and how I admire her choice of family first, not work. I know I could not do it for a long period of time. It takes a special person to stay at home. Will I miss my girls? "Absolutely!!!" I even cried thinking about next week (call me whatever, I really don't care) but staying at home with children is a much tougher job than any criminal justice work I have EVER had. Cheers to all who stay home with their kids or are single parents.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Week 4-It's almost over...
So I did not write yesterday because I was tired and that I was unsure if I was going to write about a certain issue that has been bothering me. After a night of sleep, as well as recent happenings, I decided to writer about it, keeping it general enough to not incriminate the parties involved. After all, I chose to do this blog, not them.
First things first though, yesterday was OK until the night came. Christina was in a cheerful mood most of the morning, eating well, smiling, giggling, hooting happily. She came to my company's main office and got people to oooh! and ahhh! from many. She is such a ham, and very charming...just like her old man! She did OK but appeared cranky. Cindy was working all day and was in for supper and left to go see a private practice. Christina ate before Cindy left and fell asleep...and she woke up during Catherine's bath and story time...and she did not stop crying for 1+ hour! Let's just say, I was close to losing it.
And before you start shouting at the computer, yes I tried to feed her, to walk her, to rock her, to put her in her swing, look at a different scenery...She was calmed when I put football on and watched it with her...and when my friend came over to watch the game, she took to him nicely and Cindy got home. She did her night routine without much issue and went to bed. And then I got sad...not because of what happened, but that my little girl was going to daycare today. We do this so that she has a "practice run" at daycare with me being available if anything goes awry.
So this morning, I shed many tears watching my girl getting ready to go to daycare. We know the daycare, we know that they did good to Catherine, but I still cried. Yes, I cried. I love my little girl, love being with her, even with all the issues that this implies, and she deserves to be at home more often.
Now comes my biggest sadness: I am not in Montreal with my friends and family. My mother and father have both retired and would be glad to babysit her regularly, instead of having strangers do it. I have friends and family who beg to see my girls every time we go up and usually offer to babysit if we are around. And, more importantly, if we had to use daycare, which we would just for the social aspect, it would be...drum roll please...$7 a day! With state licensed daycares no less. They must adhere to certain specifications. So we could have our girls at day care 1 to 2 days a week (Total: $28 a week if for two days), 1 day with each of us, plus my parents or friends or other family members take care of them. They would also learn my mother tongue, French, a lot quicker. OK, so no guarantee me or Cindy could find a job, but I don't think it would be that hard, I believe I am employable and Cindy too.
We are here in the U.S., where it will cost $304 a week for daycare, with one day with me and one with Cindy. The other person who was suppose to help 3 years ago, desisted after promising to stay with Catherine one day a week. This person was unable to tell her work that it was more important to help out with her family than her work. This person has also been inconsistent in her help. Sure she helps financially, but honestly, I could not care less about money. I wanted a family member to help raise our children. This person has made it more of a point to be my children's friend than actually help us raise them. This person has also been unable to be there when we needed them. My children are only learning French from one person, which puts me in a hard position.
This person has been getting under my skin for several months, if not years now. This person has no ability to look me in the eye ever since that person desisted to help us one day a week. This person also was unable to help us in a crunch several times, and this person seems to be "put out" when we ask for help. I'll stop going after this person because I am getting more angry than sad. I am not use to this thought process of not helping family. I grew up raised by both my parents and my grandmother. In a crunch, aunts and uncles helped. We also had neighbors we could trust. I get sad thinking of what I left behind in Canada for family members in the U.S. who cannot be true to their word and does not help their own family. I get sad that my girls will probably never have the sense of family I had. I get sad that when I speak French to Catherine, she is getting more annoyed everyday. I get sad that my parents would absolutely KILL to be here everyday and some family members here take for granted that our kids are here. And finally, I get sad that my girls will be missing on family time 52 days a year, which boils down to 260 days over 5 years...almost a year of family time.
Sorry, not a lot of laughs tonight. More raw, more upset, more sad...but at least I do not lie!
First things first though, yesterday was OK until the night came. Christina was in a cheerful mood most of the morning, eating well, smiling, giggling, hooting happily. She came to my company's main office and got people to oooh! and ahhh! from many. She is such a ham, and very charming...just like her old man! She did OK but appeared cranky. Cindy was working all day and was in for supper and left to go see a private practice. Christina ate before Cindy left and fell asleep...and she woke up during Catherine's bath and story time...and she did not stop crying for 1+ hour! Let's just say, I was close to losing it.
And before you start shouting at the computer, yes I tried to feed her, to walk her, to rock her, to put her in her swing, look at a different scenery...She was calmed when I put football on and watched it with her...and when my friend came over to watch the game, she took to him nicely and Cindy got home. She did her night routine without much issue and went to bed. And then I got sad...not because of what happened, but that my little girl was going to daycare today. We do this so that she has a "practice run" at daycare with me being available if anything goes awry.
So this morning, I shed many tears watching my girl getting ready to go to daycare. We know the daycare, we know that they did good to Catherine, but I still cried. Yes, I cried. I love my little girl, love being with her, even with all the issues that this implies, and she deserves to be at home more often.
Now comes my biggest sadness: I am not in Montreal with my friends and family. My mother and father have both retired and would be glad to babysit her regularly, instead of having strangers do it. I have friends and family who beg to see my girls every time we go up and usually offer to babysit if we are around. And, more importantly, if we had to use daycare, which we would just for the social aspect, it would be...drum roll please...$7 a day! With state licensed daycares no less. They must adhere to certain specifications. So we could have our girls at day care 1 to 2 days a week (Total: $28 a week if for two days), 1 day with each of us, plus my parents or friends or other family members take care of them. They would also learn my mother tongue, French, a lot quicker. OK, so no guarantee me or Cindy could find a job, but I don't think it would be that hard, I believe I am employable and Cindy too.
We are here in the U.S., where it will cost $304 a week for daycare, with one day with me and one with Cindy. The other person who was suppose to help 3 years ago, desisted after promising to stay with Catherine one day a week. This person was unable to tell her work that it was more important to help out with her family than her work. This person has also been inconsistent in her help. Sure she helps financially, but honestly, I could not care less about money. I wanted a family member to help raise our children. This person has made it more of a point to be my children's friend than actually help us raise them. This person has also been unable to be there when we needed them. My children are only learning French from one person, which puts me in a hard position.
This person has been getting under my skin for several months, if not years now. This person has no ability to look me in the eye ever since that person desisted to help us one day a week. This person also was unable to help us in a crunch several times, and this person seems to be "put out" when we ask for help. I'll stop going after this person because I am getting more angry than sad. I am not use to this thought process of not helping family. I grew up raised by both my parents and my grandmother. In a crunch, aunts and uncles helped. We also had neighbors we could trust. I get sad thinking of what I left behind in Canada for family members in the U.S. who cannot be true to their word and does not help their own family. I get sad that my girls will probably never have the sense of family I had. I get sad that when I speak French to Catherine, she is getting more annoyed everyday. I get sad that my parents would absolutely KILL to be here everyday and some family members here take for granted that our kids are here. And finally, I get sad that my girls will be missing on family time 52 days a year, which boils down to 260 days over 5 years...almost a year of family time.
Sorry, not a lot of laughs tonight. More raw, more upset, more sad...but at least I do not lie!
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