Halloween day!

So today was a day I was apprehending for a while. I really wasn't sure how our first trick or treating would go. Catherine has been struggling for most of the past week, and adding sugar to the equation was probably going to create fireworks.
So Catherine slept through the night (Christina was up once) and both were up somewhat early. We sat down as a family, had breakfast. We reviewed a little of what we did yesterday and Catherine seemed to struggle to remember some of the details of yesterday. She was also fairly hyper but did pipi in her potty twice in the AM. She was struggling, however, and was very fresh with us. So she had an early nap. Christina took a nap in the AM and was very talkative. She has been cooing and ahhing a lot more and it makes for very interesting conversation. She even sounds annoyed sometime, which is perfectly normal since I am speaking to her.
Catherine woke up from her nap and was like glue with me. We had fun but sometimes, you need to be left alone, such as when you go to the bathroom, for example. Anyway, she also was able to poppy in the potty, which prompted lots of praise and a book from us. Catherine went for a ride with mom and came back ready to go. We actually had to convince her she should eat, which she eventually did. We skyped my parents and saw grammy all dressed up before we got on our way...Which took forever!
Seriously, when we were younger, the daylight savings time would end earlier and we would go out around 5ish, 5:30 at the latest. Am I right? Anyone? We ended waiting until 6PM. Catherine was awesome during the trick or treating. She said "trick or treat" at appropriate times and "thank you" when she left. She also walked most of the 1/2 mile we did. She was a little scared of the houses with dogs but overall did great. She also said "Thank you" in ASL at a house down our street where we have neighbors that are deaf. I was so proud of her. She also got lots of praised for originality for her shark and was so cute waddling along to each house. Christina rocked her pumpkin costume but fell asleep. When she woke up, she needed to eat ASAP...So Cindy walked back home with her. Catherine and me finished our little run. An older girl made note of how cute her costume was and gave her some of her candy! I do have faith with some people!
Catherine got back, explored her candy...and went to bed...before going to sleep, she went for her third pipi! She earned another book! She was so proud. I want to admit that I was proud too! She was so good trick or treating. Staying close, asking for help when  she needed it...and even told me when she had enough and needed to go home! My girl listened, walked calmly, and just had a ball jumping in the leaves and talking to the people giving out candy! And she is two! Christina really belonged at home but we wanted to go out as a family. It was so much fun and my apprehension were really not that founded.
Tomorrow starts my lat week alone with Christina. I am so sad thinking about it...I'll try to take full advantage of it.

Saturday, October 30th- Can we do more things in a day

So today was an extremely busy day. Thanks to the sleep Gods, as Catherine and Christina both slept through the night until 7AM. Catherine was eager to go as she knew the itinerary for today: Gym, Clowns, Birthday Party, Halloween party, sleep. So it was a fun day for sure for her. Christina was laid back, just wanting to eat and look around.
First stop: the gym. Catherine was still tired and cranky on the way there but did OK. Christina was looking around, falling asleep at times. At the gym, everyone loved out little shark and she had brought her baby shark with her! It was clear though that she had limited energy for the gym, falling and laying down several times. She even came out for a breather before the end, which she never does. I guess a 2 pound shark suit does use up more energy! Anyway, Christina loved looking at the kids running and made cute sounds when she saw her sister.
We then returned home with a plan to see a clown at Honey Dew's grand reopening...We wanted to go with Cindy but Christina fell asleep. So, at some point, we had to wake Christina up so Cindy could feed her and go to work. Catherine was getting restless. We finally went to see the clown...which made her a cute green elephant...that flew away in the wind as soon as we stepped out! Securing an elephant in a balloon shape is not as easy as it sounds. I felt really bad as she seemed to like it but it was not the best looking balloon animal I have ever seen.
Which brings me to the rant of the day: how come adults feel like they should wait in line FOR their kids (meaning the kids are eating their donut and standing not in line, looking so disinterested) to get a balloon shaped into an animal? And I'm talking about 8-9 year old kids. Catherine waited patiently behind the freaking adult and then got a smaller, not as elaborate looking balloon as the freaking adult who stayed in line for her kids! That was really frustrating. At least she saw the clown juggle but this was totally wrong. And another thing: I tried to get a donut for Catherine as well as coffee for me, waited patiently in line and adults are trying to cut us off to get freaking raffle tickets! Again, I am there with a 2 year old and a 3 month old and the adults totally pushed through...this is a sad society we live in folks...OK rant over.
We stopped at a pharmacy to look around (remember, I felt guilty and Catherine really wanted to go) and we saw skeletons being sold. I told Catherine: "Scary!" She responded calmly: "Papa, they are just toys, not real". I was comforted by a 2 year old. We then went home after a walk to wait for Cindy to get home. Christina was suppose to be hungry but only had an once of milk, and spent most of the time smiling and cooing at me...those moments are great. When Cindy finally got home, we got ready to leave for the party. Catherine, exhausted, finally fell asleep in the car. We got to the party and I spent 45 minutes in the car with her. And if someone says: "Just get her out of her seat and let her sleep on you at the party", they do not know Catherine. Stopping the motor on the vehicle wakes her!
At the party, she did good, played with her little friends from last week and enjoyed competing with others for toys. I'll write about this a little longer some other time but I saw a full-time mother at home at the party and I gave her all the props in the world for staying at home. It is much harder than it looks and this little leave taught me that. Christina was a little more cranky and had trouble sleeping. We went outside to play and helped unwrap gifts before we had to go. We left early so that we could go to the Halloween party and hopefully, the kids would sleep in the car. Well guess what? I slept (No, I was not driving) and Catherine stayed awake and Christina cooed all the way home.
We changed Catherine and Christina in their costume and went to the Halloween party at the daycare. Catherine was good but clearly out of it. She did the hokey pokey too much and fell on the floor, to dizzy to stand and she "turned herself around" to the ground. She spoke little, tried all her best to dance but was only doing it in 1-2 minute bursts. I saw other kids there out of control and Catherine and Christina handled it well. Almost had to call DCF/DSS on one parent...but that is another story for another day. Christina was surprised by loud music but let us comfort her back to calmness. Catherine definitely had fun but was too tired. We left, got home and went to bed. Except for me, I'm writing this blog.
All in all, a great day! I'm ready to crash now.

Friday the 29th-Very interesting day

So today was very interesting indeed. Catherine did well and slept most of the night. I feel really weird talking about my eldest's sleep habits first because it's...well... unnatural. Seriously, Christina slept through the night a second time in two weeks...not bad for a 3 month old. Catherine is over 2 1/2 years old and we struggle to get a full night's sleep. And I don't quite understand why. I have been wondering if nightmares or something were happening but when I asked her, she told me: "Swiper was trying to bite me". For those of you who have no idea what the freak I am talking about, Swiper is a character who "swipes" from Dora the Explorer. So she has this wallpaper border that has Swiper every few feet...all suggestions are welcomed on how to address this issue. Email me, call me (not on my cell, it's kaput), or tell me.
Catherine had some issues this AM again, acting tired, not listening ( Which is typical for 2 year olds ... right ... RIGHT? Anyone?) We were getting ready today to do some pumpkin carving, some cookies, some Rice Krispies treats...which had to wait until a nap because Catherine had trouble following simple directions...Again may be because she is 2, but she listens way better usually. Anyway, Christina just seems amused by the whole thing. She hangs out...as long as you are walking with her...if you don't, you are the worse father/mother/person ever! Seriously, she is not that bad.
It really helped to have Cindy around today. Catherine woke up refreshed and was able to have lunch, which consisted of her dipping her carrots in BBQ sauce meant for her chicken...whatever, at least she ate. She was then ready to help with the "Krispies" as she calls them. A hot stove and a toddler is not a very great combo...we nervously navigated through that. We then carved her pumpkin, which led to my favorite line of the day: We were emptying the pumpkin with our hands, which Catherine was telling me how dirty her hands felt doing it, she called over to Cindy and said: "Come on dirty mommy!". Wow, I will use that eventually...somewhere...OK just in this blog. After a few scary moments with a plastic knife (You had to be there to understand), we stopped and tried to play a little...but our girl was too tired...so the nap war  started again, with Team Parent winning at the end. Now, it seems that she should not sleep so much, but you should see her dark circles under her eyes. Christina in all this? She fell asleep on my shoulder for 1 hour. I should put her down...but these moments are so quickly gone...call me a sap, I don't care. For my girls, I will be a sap forever. I still cry listening to "My little girl" by Tim McGraw.
Anyway, we went to a restaurant for my mother-in-law's birthday. Catherine was way better there than most kids and it was surprisingly refreshing to see that my 2 year-old was not so bad. Older kids were worst than her. I feel I can be hard on her but I am not the parent who wants to be the friend to my child: I want to be her father. Yes, sometimes I struggle, but at the end of the day, I need to parent...and this has been lost on a lot of people.  I guess that, in the spirit of this blog, this is what I have learned.
When we went to bed, everything went well, she was so snuggly and giggly. She hugged me twice, gave me two big kisses and told me "Bonne nuit papa". She is the best. Christina again did her own thing and went to bed without much fussing. She is also the best!

Day 11- Wow, what happened to my big girl?

So today was the day where I have my two girls all alone...What a day! So Catherine did not sleep well at all, was up early and woke up Christina. She then decided to wake me up...at 6:15AM! Catherine was so tired that while eating her cereal, she almost fell face first in the bowl. So we sent her back to bed...which ended up a battle of epic proportion! She did not fall asleep right away and fought for over 1 hour...until she pooped in her diaper. I went to change her and she fought again, until finally falling asleep until 10:45AM. Christina had time to have two feedings during that time.
Catherine needed redirection all day. We got lunch and then tried to relax playing and watching Barney, the episode about doctors and dentist for the 77th time in the past month (I kid you not). Christina during that time was chilled...until Catherine leaned on her...which prompted my loss of patience. I then decided we needed to go somewhere. Christina decided that the "trauma" her sister gave her led to hunger bang. Time is 1:05PM. After eating, we then prepared to leave. We finally got to the car at 1:40PM. Christina struggled to sleep, Catherine just outright refused, despite bags under her eyes.
We went to see Cindy's work, which brought the woos! and ahhhs! from everyone for Christina. Catherine definitely felt lonely. She also stumbled to the ground 3-4 times due to being tired. We tried to sleep while driving to a mall, which did not work well for Catherine. Christina fell asleep though...until Catherine fell asleep...which prompted Christina to wake up out of hunger...I swear, they work as a tandem on these patterns. I think they are already have some devious plans going. Can't wait for them to really scheme. Catherine had to be removed from the mall and was refusing to sleep on the way home. She poopied at the end of the day in the pottie which made it all worth it. Seriously, this was a long day, where I was low on patience, high in frustration, and unsure how to deal with all of it. Christina was good, cooing, making faces, and smiling all day. I get to wonder "Where did  I go wrong ?" and I know it's irrational but hey, don't tell me you don't understand. It's tough. I so admire single parents and wonder how in the blue hell do they do it?

Day 10-Sleep is now at a premium

So today was more on the hard side. Both the girls were up nice and early...and cranky. When Catherine needs a timeout before leaving for daycare, we know it's going to be a tough day. Christina was up but was not consistent in her feedings. And I am unsure if it's really teething but a new found talent that she has: She is getting a reaction.

So she now feeds, and then, midway through, she smiles at you and coos. It is so adorable and she loves the reaction. And it melts my heart and then I put the bottle away...which is fine until she realizes the bottle is gone and she is still hungry...for a little 15 poundish girl she has pretty good lungs when she is hungry! It is also a time where Christina cannot stand...literally but she also will not stand to be sitting or lying down. She needs to be up and walking with you at ALL TIMES....Now 15 pounds isn't much...until you walk around with it for 2 hours...anyway, my back, wrist injuries from my Catherine leave are starting to show.

Now again, I hope people know I am kidding. I really love this time with her and I feel totally privileged that I can do this with my girl (s). I want to do this. I know most of you have been extremely supportive and someone noted that she did not know many men who took their parental leave alone, without the mother. I wanted to do it. I think it is a huge challenge but also, I want to show that it can be done. I love being with her (most of the time). The chats and the kisses are priceless. I know they won't want to be kissed so much when they are like 14 (and no I am not trying to be creepy) and they definitely won't want to talk to me as much. I think creating a bond now will help.

So this afternoon, Christina struggled also with sleep, eating...and I could not figure it out. She was not even being charming...Until we went to pick up Catherine at daycare. She then let one rip and then smiled....then I knew why she was like . She was OK for most of the night, but really appeared tired. Catherine was still being a handful. I had to leave her room without finishing her bedtime story, which I really hate doing and felt extremely guilty about. I went to check on her before heading to the gym. She woke up and told me: "Papa, I was worried about you. Are you OK?" She then told me: "Sleep well, je t'aime!"...just wanted to die. Yes, I know how that sounds but I am comfortable with that.

Let me finish on this note: I went to the gym and I heard a Christmas song playing. I got really annoyed and upset until I realized...I was wearing my Ipod. 

Day 9-My baby can't sleep

So today was quite interesting. Christina decided that she is now unable to sleep without me or some sort of movement. So if I was not rocking her, walking with her, pushing her in a stroller or driving the car. So let's just say we drove 40 miles and I walked over 4 miles! Can you believe it? I think my daughter thinks I must lose some weight or something.
I make it sound like it was fun or something but honestly, it is tiring. I struggled with any "down time". I think it is hard to admit, but we all need some time to relax as a parent, so when you have to be constantly moving, it can be quite exhausting. She is so cute though! Her little smile makes it all worth it...well sometimes. My back has been screaming at me for the last few hours and I definitely struggled with hills today.
The other news of the day is that my phone got a little splash of water...which caused it to lock the keyboard...OK it probably short-circuited. I cannot believe RIM does not realize that some blackberry users may have some spillage or something that may fall on it that is liquid. I honestly did not have a lot of water on it...and it locked. And that water was from...the cup of water I was saving to warm up Christina's milk. It was nowhere near my girl so no worries.
The hardest part for me to leave the house is to have to plan to have hot water available anywhere I go. I seriously plan my trips thinking: OK I can go there, there is a DD, Starbucks, Honey Dew, etc. And when you are looking for that hot water, you realize two things: 1-There isn't as many DD as one may think...they tend to be sparse when I really need them. 2-People who you ask for hot water are mostly slow. When I ask for hot water for the baby's milk, most of them think I will be putting the boiling water in the bottle. "Yes, that is why I need the water, so I can burn my newborn's esophagus and claim that you were "in cahoots" with me to DSS/DCF". Seriously, people can't understand we are putting the bottle in the hot water with no actual contact with the milk? Anyway, that is a little pet peeve.
Today's stat of the day: I wanted to go to the post office. I started getting ready at 9:20AM...we got out of the house (still not moving the stroller mind you) 10:05AM.

Week 2, day 1 or Day 8- Whatever you want

I'd like to report on my day but honestly, there was nothing really to report. Christina decided to catch up on sleep from the past three days and slept most of the day. The only concerned I had was that Christina did not want to drink her milk. I guess it's like any good drinker knows: the tap version is way better than the bottled version. Seriously, she was good and drank on a few occasions but I really am hoping that this is due to to her teething and nothing else.
Otherwise, I guess I want to raise an issue that has concerned me in the past that has been re-raised due to recent issues: how come we, as humans, cannot create a sock for newborns that cannot be kicked off by said newborn? I mean seriously, we probably own every major brand of sock in the world (you should see the sock drawer) and I have yet to find a pair that a newborn cannot kick off...And when I try to kick off my socks, it is an impossible feat unless I pull on them vigorously. If you have a solution for me, please email or call. And remember, no glue or tape suggestions.
I also want to discussed something that has come up with a few people: I don't really know what parents go through when they raise their children. I got some comments telling me that they really relate to what I am going through. I feel relieved about this but I also feel...what's the word...betrayed! How come no one warned me? No one told me how hard this would be and how everyone struggled? I would have never agreed to this...torture. Seriously, I'm kidding. I really do wish people would have told me all the difficulties they faced because I would not have felt so incompetent...I guess we really don't remember the hard times of raising a child until someone reminds us of it. My guess is that there are two reasons for that: so that we procreate again and we all have PTSD...but I could be wrong...
And before I get any emails on this: I would not trade my time off with my girls for ANYTHING in the world. They mean the world to me.

Day 7- Children's party

Today was just a lazy Sunday...sort of...We had breakfast this morning as a family and took our time, which is a nice change of pace. Catherine was really tired and we needed to get an early nap done. Christina was fussy...and we have now concluded that she is teething, as evidenced by increased drooling, trying to feed just to chew (my wife is so happy) eating our fingers, and just all around unhappiness. So Christina has had trouble sleeping and just chilling...which makes my second leave with a teething child.
I guess I am just lucky that way. I really don't mind....I mean she chews on the bottle not on me. She will be extra fussy, which means I must hold her more and rock her to sleep more often...what better time to be catching up on all those TV shows I never got to watch. Last time, I got hook on Numb3rs, which was awesome...and pulled off the air. Right now, I am watching sitcoms, such as Community and Outsourced...good look on those renewals next season! I also drove to get Catherine to sleep...at 3.50 a gallon! Seems cheap now!
So Cindy was nice enough to go out with Christina while Catherine "napped". Napping for Catherine means she fights for 30-45 minutes before actually falling asleep. So with all the free time, I did was a regular guy does: I did laundry, cleaned up a little and looked up football stats. My life is so exciting! I know, don't be jealous. We then got ready to go a friend's one year old party.
Now, if you have been to one of these, this is a party for everyone else but the one-year old. I know, that's how it was for our Catherine. A bunch of adults trying to catch up on life. And there is usually many, many kids...which makes you grateful that you only have two. Now, as disclaimer to my friends, I am not saying anything bad about any of my friends kids. All I am saying is 7 kids is too many to handle. Wow, I developed ADHD during that time. I was trying to watch football, I got distracted. I was talking to kids, I got distracted by other kids. I was talking to adults, I got distracted by other adults...and by the time I get to be semi-focussed, we've been at the party for 4 hours. So we had to leave.
The party in itself was pretty good. I got to talk to very interesting people about things that I am truly passionate about. I got to play with a bunch of kids different games that lasted 4.5 seconds a game, and I got to see other parents in action. Call me a voyeur (my case is pending) but it is very interested to me. I pick up tricks, ideas but, more importantly, I feel like other parents feel as overwhelmed as I am sometimes. I truly admire any parent who can semi-manage their children in a chaotic party. I also scared the birthday boy, which I am still guilt-ridden about (that's the French-Canadian way of saying things). Hopefully, he'll forgive me. Catherine was awesome and Christina expanded her fan club by smiling and cooing at everyone.
And when we got home, we Skyped (look it up, it's a word, don't listen to spell check who wants me to write skipped) with my parents. After the obvious tiredness of our Catherine, we got ready for bed...which led to 2 potty pipis but more importantly, a caca in the potty. We were so proud of our girl. Catherine has been motivated by other kids at the party. So great!
Tomorrow, I go back solo with Christina! Should be fun! I also got many comments already, which I appreciate. I'll try to incorporate some ideas, as well as respond to some of the responses.

Day 5 and 6- It has been a week already!

So I guess I will not be able to write everyday. I underestimated how tired and cranky I would get at the end of the day. I guess this is the difference between best intentions versus reality of life.
Yesterday went a lot better, because my wonderful wife was there to diffuse. Sure, we had some tense moments, especially around naps but that is stuff I am used to dealing. For some reason, my kids do not want me to nap when they are awake! OK, don't call DSS/DCF (whatever their name is this week) because this is a joke. We did well in the morning, watching some shows and just hanging out as a family.  After lunch, we went pumpkin picking...OK so we took 2 pumpkins from a bin and left because it was so windy. Catherine had some fun but was really looking forward to going to the car. We went to Lookout Farm, where we went 2 years ago and did not enjoy. I guess we now have to remind ourselves (again!) that we should not go there next year. Anyway, we went shopping to get some cookie cutters and stuff to bake cookies for the holiday.
When we got home, I got ready to go hang out with friends from work at a bar. It was nice to be able to be an adult with others and not worry so much about what is next, when the next feeding was, will I need a timeout, etc. The night out is a blur (OK, not that much) and it was fun.
Today went...well, let's see. I got up a little later (Thanks Cin) and we went to the gym. Catherine gets to be a little less manageable when there is two of us. So it was a battle to get there, and to get back. We then raked some leaves as a family, which was so much fun. We have great pictures of it. If you want to see any, let me know. Catherine got nice and tired and went for a sleep after lunch and Christina was fed before my wife had to go to work. I kind of fell asleep and got woken up by a scream out of horror movie. Christina was crying heavily. A check of the diaper revealed the poop from hell. I think it was 3 poops to be honest. I stopped counting how many wipes I needed after 5. She continued to cry uncontrollably and even after trying to feed her, she still cried...which woke up my other angel.
Catherine was helpful, tried to talk to her, suggested some stuff. I know this sounds a little out there, but Catherine knows her well. And when you are a desperate man, you will take advise from anyone! Catherine concluded: "She's being fussy". We went shopping and that went well. I will go on a tangent here: Why do people feel they have a right to look at my child when her shade is down? I mean, I understand she's cute, but what about she may be sleeping and needs that shade? Seriously, back off. OK, digression over. We then returned home. Cindy got back from work and we went out to eat. Again, plenty of people stopped to talk to her, which is fine when she is awake. Anyway, Catherine was tired and it was a challenge there too. Christina ate at the restaurant! She ate...a few of my fingers...Our guess is that she is teething.
It went well once we got home and here I am writing. It was a challenging week, filled with relearning a bunch of stuff of taking care of a newborn. I feel exhausted, but that may be the writing of this blog. Seriously, thanks a million for all the comments and advise, ideas, suggestions around what to do with my difficulties. It makes me feel good that people are reading. I want to encourage questions, ideas to blog about, etc. Most of  posts have been peppered of things other people have told me and I like to incorporate them. I have a few more ideas to write about but please, feel free to contact me. 

Day 3 and 4-Wow this is hard! (that's what she said!)

So I did not write yesterday...well...because...I was tired...cranky...exhausted. Let's just say yesterday my wife worked at her private practice and Christina needed her mother. And I was not very useful. So adult timeouts were in order. During the day, it went better but she did struggle being away from mommy. I cannot compete with...well...you know...those...milk producing...well...figure it out!
Today was the first day of both Catherine and Christina being home...Wow was that an experience. I got up late (again!) and Catherine already appeared tired. Christina and I wanted to snooze more but she needed to be fed before leaving to relieve both mother and daughter (again, figure it out!). Christina got tired early so me and tired attempted to do some stuff around the house...which was a disaster...I lost my patience several times...Christina eventually woke up and struggled taking the bottle. And Catherine was "helpful" by shoving the bottle in her face or by crying every time the word "no" came out of my mouth.
I reluctantly went for a walk right before lunch, where rain was menacing and Christina fussing...and Catherine show-boating. And being loud...which made Christina fussy...you get the cycle. We came home for lunch...which everyone had at the same time...have you ever tried to give a breast-milk bottle to a 2 month old that was too cold? And then it gets too warm when you reheat it? Well if you haven't, I do not suggest it...
Let me digress for a minute...these milk warmers seem to have only two temperature: real lukewarm or hot to the point it gives you 3rd degree burns. And has a father with limited patience and with babies who have the same amount of patience, it makes for a...wait for it...the pun is on..."heated" situation! Can't they make it that when the milk hits a certain temperature, it shuts off? And if anyone invents that...I want royalties.
So Catherine was brought upstairs screaming for her nap because, she told me, "I'm not tired". Christina crashed after a few cries and lots of rocking. I was so tired, I fell asleep too, with Christina on my shoulder. After waking up, I went to put her down...bad idea! Automatic wake up and hunger...combined with Catherine needing to be up...Tough. We then went shopping, where it went OK and got home to make supper. After talking to my parents on Skype, it was bath time and bed time.
The proudest moment of my day came at the end of my day: Catherine pooped in her pottie (BTW, spellcheck wants me to change this to "pot pie")! These are the things that make me happy now: poop I have to clean out of a plastic potty. Catherine has struggled at times with the arrival of her sister but is such a loving girl. She is my grandmother, Memere, reincarnated!
I wanted to finish with this note: I know I choose to do this and yes I do complain but I really am doing it to get it off my chest. I think sometimes we do things not because they are easy but because they are right. I know it's right...I just struggle sometimes and hope writing about it can be liberating for me and have others tell me how they relate.

Day 2-Afternoon Meltdown

Well, day 2 appeared to be starting without a hitch. Christina had to be woken up (2 days in a row) and we started the day just chilling in the house, walking around, getting a nap. After she ate 5 oz (!!!), she then accompanied me outside to rake leaves for about one hour. She was in this very cute carrier (Baby Bjorn) and seemed to enjoy herself. She cooed, she laughed and, appeared very interested.

But I got to tell you, my back was hurting after this hour. I figure she weights 14 pounds and with the raking motion that was fairly big ( more or less 3 feet), the actual weight on my back was 450 pounds (did I tell you I failed physics?). Anyway, we came into the house to just chill, play with her small toys and just laugh with each other.

She then ate a little more and we went to do some needed shopping at BJs, as I figured I would need 12 pounds of back rub after the grueling morning. We then went to Home Depot and, while there, a strong smell of sweet poo came to my nose. When we went to the restroom, I noticed a big poopie that had overflowed to her clothes. The good news is that they had a changing table at Home Depot (how contemporary for a tough lumber store). So I had to change her...I looked into the bag: first observation: no wipes! So I used paper towels wet in water. Second observation: the clothes were for a newborn. She is slightly bigger than a newborn now. And to top it all off, the diapers were slightly small! Christina laughed at the situation, which forced me to do the same and we made due.

We went back home and the hard part came: from roughly 1:35PM up to 3:20PM, the crying was non stop. I changed her in better clothes and diaper, I tried to feed her, I tried to walk her around, I put on music, I put her on a swing, nothing worked. I had to take two adult time outs. If you need an explanation on that one, call me! Anyway she ate a little at 3:20PM, slept on my shoulder and we then had to pick up her sister...She cried on the way there, was OK on the way back, cried at home until her mother came. She also struggled until her bath at 8:15...Let's just say I needed to step out.

I went to the gym and it cleared my head really good. In hindsight, I felt so incompetent with her. In fact, she is struggling with her mother being gone and having to drink the bottle type of milk. I struggle because I feel so helpless...and in some way I am...it is so hard to accept...maybe I should have let her transition at daycare instead of me...I really don't mean that...I think...

First Day

So today was D-Day...The day I was going one on one with my little treasure, the "Spitmaster", "The Milk Gobbler", "The Strident Cry", Christina. OK so it was not the boxing/wrestling match I make it out to be, but to be honest, I was a little nervous about this day. My memory may not be good but I remember struggling with my first day with Catherine so I figured it would be the same...Although I don't really remember. I wonder if the mind makes you forget these things so that you want to do it again.

I actually was looking for my journal from the time with Catherine...Unfortunately, the computer it was on crashed and the email I used at the time was erased so I guess this is a good way to keep it long-term somewhere. I believe it was hard and I was new at it. Now I am an old Veteran at this paternity thing (yeah two stints makes you an old timer at this thing I believe). I think I was very happy that I did it at the end...but I struggled with the cries, the not knowing what to do and always worrying about doing things wrong. I guess I don't care what's right or wrong!

Seriously, I guess I felt calmer during the day, especially when the cries occurred. I expected that she would not want the bottle right away. I expected her to struggle to get to sleep. I expected that going for a walk would help her. I also knew when to burp, when to keep things calmer, when to get more active, and, more importantly, I knew holding her every waking second was a bad idea (thanks Catherine).

So the blissful moment came at 11:45AM: she drank from her bottle from the first time. 3 oz. or so! Anther proud moment occurred at 11:52AM: she "gave back" 0.5 oz! We all changed our clothes and diaper (guess who had a diaper) and we had a jolly old time until..."The Next Feeding". The next feeding made me feel like I put "Shards O' Glass" in the milk. It was quite a struggle...until...low and behold...she suddenly drank! I was so happy, I spit up my water...And we all changed again...The rest of the day went well and we enjoyed some smiles and giggles for most of the afternoon.

A successful day overall...which only means it can only go downhill from here! Call me negative...I call it logical! Seriously, I want to believe it will be smoother than my current though process...there you go, the best possible positive statement I can make!

Nervous, anxious whatever word you want to choose

So it's late and I am starting to get nervous about tomorrow. Tomorrow is the first day I am truly alone with Christina. Now I know all the stuff people will say: "You did it with Catherine" "You'll be fine" "She loves you"....I understand all that happy stuff, but the fact is, it's like your first job, your first day at school, your first interview. IT rushes right through you...I hope I'll be alright....Of course I will...Will I?...Wonder if others feel the same way I do...And I can't fail...Am I really going to be as good as with Catherine...The cat will help me...I know this sounds all loopy but I believe a lot of parents go through the same thing. Christina has made me laugh and she laughed so hard a few times with me, I know she is connected...still...I am nervous...

I miss my family

Well today was the last full day in the Montreal area. I am both happy and sad to be leaving. I am happy, as I absolutely, positively understand a lot more the importance of routine for toddlers after spending the past week without a routine. I kind of knew the importance of these routines but did not realize how throwing off a toddler`s routine would affect ME so much.
Catherine has been very fresh and challenging in the past few days. From refusing to take her naps, to just demanding stuff and being very disrespectful to me and my wife, it has been tough...and of course it does not help that we are the only ones setting limits.
Catherine charms the pants off of everyone she meets. "So cute", "She is so big", "How adorable", and that`s just when she wants to poop! Seriously, she had everyone`s attention and that really served our little ham well! But now, it`s become difficult to parent, as she can turn to others with her charm skills...well thse have worn off for us! We need to get home just to get back in the groove with her.
I will miss my family and friends terribly. I finally saw my other best friend and his wife today and it was great. It is always fun to start talking to someone like you just talk to them yesterday, when in fact, it`s been over 2 months. I already wrote about my friends but will probably do so again in a future blog. I really want to concentrate on my family.
First off, I cannot be grateful enough for my mom and dad. They have been awesome grandparents (a little overindulgent but, as I understand "That`s their job") but they love their grand-daughters so much. I have never seen my dad so proud or happy. My mom has a grin everytime she holds them. I feel fortunate to have them.
I got to see every one of my aunts, a few cousins, and I go to tell you, I miss having my family around. They are so supportive but also, they are not afraid to tell you the truth and do not sugar coat anything (wonder where I got it?). They also hold something that few others hold : they have known you most of your life.
They tell you the funny things you have done, the embarasing things you also have said, or how you were when you were a kid. My aunt today told me something I did not even know about my history that made me feel so good: I took forever to speak clearly in French and English.
Why I say this is that I have all this guilt about teaching my daughters French, especially with Catherine. I do slip to English first, to make sure she understands. And then, when I talk in French, Catherine seems to not want to do it or understand it. She even gets angry and rejects me when I speak to much French (typical American! lol). But, during this past week, I noticed she understands the French and pays attention. She is shy to speak it...which brings me back to my aunt saying I did not speak much at first...and I consider myslef fully bilingual...so what I am doing may have a happy ending after all.
And for those of you who do not understand why speaking French is so important, just remember, most people look at their roots and want to learn from them. I will NEVER FORGET MY ROOTS! I am a proud Quebecer, and French is my first language. In Quebec on, every license plate it says: "Je me souviens...". Use translate on Google and you`ll understand that my daughters will live by that motto...God knows I follow that rule...Ask my wife how much of a pain it is!

Seeing old friends is great

I have been back in Quebec for about 5 days now and I realize that I have great friends. I mean, you don`t realize it sometimes in the moment but you are very lucky to hold on to a few friends for 18+ years.
We were sitting for brunch on Monday and I was sitting with 2 friends who have known me for 18 years and 20 years respectively. We have all grown up to be parents, all three of us have 2 kids. We were sitting, thinking about our inside stories that only a few understand, thinking about how we have all become professionals and that we have come a long way and we probably have done so because we had each other.
I mean, I don`t quite uderstand what in the blue hell posseses people to be my friends for that long but hey, it`s their loss! Seriously, every single time I see them, I feel so much better about myself. They make me realize my accomplishments, my realizations in my life, and how we`ve come a long way. This may sound narcistic, but I truly don`t care!
They have certainly done so too. They even report that I may have helped them! Who would have thunk it??? Having gone our own problems at different times in our lives, we have found a way to be there for each other, no matter the distance or how busy we were. Strength does come in numbers and I believe the longer a person has known you, the better equipped they are to remind you how great you actually have it.
I realized also how, as a father, I do try to go above and beyond. Both my friends told me how they find me to be dedicated to my girls and how their husbands have not ever been alone for a long period of time with their kids (like taking a paternal leave of absence, alone, with a baby). It is , by no means, a criticism to them. They are great guys and great partners. I admire both of these men for different reasons. I mean, they also put up with my friends, I got to give them credit for that! But their kind words make me feel good, because God knows I feel so incompetent!
I mean other guys, especially in my line of work, have made fun of me taking a paternal leave, especially in large groups (insert crack of the whip here). I mean, it isn`t really manly to do so. One thing I did notice is that, privately, these same guys come to me and tell me that what I am doing is right for my girls and that secretly, they wished they would have done it or, in some instances, admit freely that they couldn`t do it. Older guys also tell me that I should cherish it and that, in hindsight, they wished they would have done it. And FYI...I will give no names up, unless a large number of unsequential bills come into my hand.
I also have another two friends who have known me for 20+ years who happen to be guys, who have openly supported me and given me credit. I saw one of them this week and I am hoping to see the other before the week ends. At the end of the day, my friends, who have been there for me even though I have been gone for almost 12 years from Quebec, always find a way to give me a bigger smile when I see them. And that is so needed when taking care of two young girls.

P.S. If you need an address to send the money, let me know.

First days in Quebec

Happy Thanksgiving. I guess today is the official first day of my leave. It does not feel like it though. Being at my parents` house, spending time with friends that I have had for 18+ years who have been supportive the whole time, my wife being everywhere I go, I must admit this feels like pardise.
Let me rephrase that: the moments where people are there, it is like paradise. I have enough to distract them (and me) from any minor issue, such as crankiness, destructiveness, freshness (both the figure of speech and eh...how shall I say...bum wise). But this comes back to haunt you. Think about it: freshness, crankiness, destructiveness is diffused when you are with people. When you are alone, it gets magnified 10 times, as you have to look at it, deal with it and all the guilt and second guessing that goes with it.
I mean, I am pretty sure I am doing the right thing but I guess the second guessing is second nature to me (that redundancy was on purpose). I wish I had a little volume controller for my mind on these second guesses...and don`t believe one minute that the toddler does not know about all the doubt and guilt that comes with it. She is very versed on using it against me. Those tears really get me.
I am not saying Catherine is bad. I mean, she is the reincarnation of my dear, late "Memere" (ask my friends and family) but she does know how to tug on my heart strigs: the quivering lip, the well placed "I love you papa", etc. But she also knows when I am tired, cranky and how she can use it to her advantage. Call me paranoid, therapist friends, but I know what I know! The crooked little smile does it to me. Christina is a little young but she seems t place that cute little smile at the right time! I know why they are so cute in those hard moments.
So sleep is another challenge, which I briefly touched upon a blog ago...This is another thing that has been tough. We shall see how the next few days go but a word to the wise: 2 adults, 2 children under 3 in the same room to sleep = disaster!

Trip to Quebec

So we drove to Quebec Friday night, after bedtime, thinking it was a great move: I mean they should sleep all the way there and we get to just put them in bed when we get to my parents` house. WRONG!
So Christina woke up twice with a piercing screech that went right through you, waking up Catherine once (don`t ask me why only once). When Catherine woke up at around 1Am (no screaming of sibling required) near the border, she was too excited to fall asleep. So she stayed awake...essentially until 3:30AM! And of course Christina had trouble sleeping also.
So when 6:30AM came around this AM and Catherine was up, we èncouraged`her to sleep (use your imagination of how encouraging two parents can be with 2-3 hours sleep). So eventually we were up by 8AM.
The rest of Saturday went OK...because the girls were too tired to stay awake! What a great thing to be cranky, unable to sleep and overtired! The great joys parenthood bring you. It has been fun to watch my father enjoy holding Christina and interacting with Catherine. I am so exhausted, I fell a sleep twice writing this entry...so I will say....zzzz.z...zzz...

Pre-trial

So today, I was home on my day off and Cindy is still home due to her maternity leave. The morning went as smooth as it could: Catherine was doing great, helping us pack, Christina sleeping, eating, and making us smile. I got spat up once and it was just a minor change of shirt and a few laughs. Then, the afternoon hit.

Doing simple tasks, such as buying diapers became an ordeal: Catherine was cranky, Christina was fussy, I was flat-out deranged. Why can't a 2 month old and a 2 year old just understand that I am trying to eat and have a few seconds to myself...Geez, it felt like they were born yesterday...wait a minute, they were! Even though I have that knowledge, it was still befuddling me.

We trek through shopping and changes of poopy diapers in a men's bathroom without that little table to change kids (that was fun). The people who worked there followed me in at one point to make sure I was not doing anything...well I don't know and I don't care...We were finally able to get Catherine and Christina to sleep in the car!!! Those minutes of bliss were exquisite...but the "Wrath of the Bisson Sisters" was going to happen during supper.

Catherine would not eat but considered apple juice a full meal. Christina devoured her supper, which would come back to haunt us. While we were Skyping with my parents, Christina spat up on me (number 2 (no not that number 2) for those keeping track) and Catherine was falling apart. While we got Catherine ready for her bath (which was an epic battle), Christina spat up for a third time, this time with great precision: right in my ear. After changing in shirt number three, I was hearing the exchanges between Catherine and Cindy...let's just say someone was tired.

I brought Christina down to slow down. She fell asleep in her little swing. Now for the bad part: the Montreal Canadiens lost their opener to...Toronto...now if this is not an initiation on patience, I don't know what is. So while I am writing this, I cannot tell you how happy I was to have a supportive partner around...can't wait to be all alone with her!

Journal of a father on leave

In a little change of my previous blogs, I will write a journal for the next 4-5 weeks on my leave from work with my beautiful 2 month old daughter, Christina. I will write my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to diverse happenings. I did this with my first daughter, Catherine, and I was able to put the highlights in an internal newsletter at my work.

Although I do not promise a "daily" journal entry, I will promise regular entries. I will try to be as raw as I can, and spice it up with humor and other happenings. Feedback will be welcomed and encouraged. I am a person who, really deep down inside, is always worried. And to all my therapists friends, don't diagnosed me! I know I am a mess! If you are not a therapist, I will let you know that therapists, in general, are the most stable people I know, and by that I mean that their core muscles and balance are very strong. As for their actual thoughts and heads, until I get paid to do anything, I don't even try to understand them!

As of today, I am looking forward to my time with her. I am scared, petrified, happy, worried, and just a mess over it. I think it is important for fathers to be there for their children but am I someone they really want to hang with? On the other hand, I also believe that I can get to the level of a 3 month old, as my mentality and my jokes really work on that level regularly. I am not the most patient person in the world, so that will be a challenge. For my girls though, I have tried my hardest to always do the right thing and want to be the best father I can be. Many men have secretly told me how they wish they would do this but that they have (and had) their own fears of being alone with their very young children. Many older male friends/colleagues regret of not doing the paternity leave thing. I will do my best and live the dream!

My workplace has been supportive overall but my local office is worried about me being gone so long...4 weeks is nothing if you ask me. But I guess when you are that good...Seriously, I could not ask for a more supportive employer around this leave.

OK so I will try to write again this week. My leave starts officially Friday with a trip to see the family, friends of my Homeland...Quebec.