Practice what you preach

Well, I haven't written much lately. To be honest, it started with the death of my good friend Christina...it made me think...I have done my share of thinking and hopefully will continue to do so but all this thinking made me say this: Practice what you preach.
As you may or may not know, I don't like Vermont. It's small, not very friendly, and I really don't relate to many people here. I can't drink every night. My child is my number one priority. I can't leave on a whim to do whatever. I don't hunt or fish. It is a a rural area, where anything that you need is...an hour away...entertainement too! Basically, I am what the locals call "a flatlander". And this state loves to make you feel like an outsider. I really feel like I don't belong.
Thank God for my employer. They have been extremely supportive and they have tried to do lots of things to keep me around. They have given me nice gift certificates, they have given me the time off I needed, they have let me explore different things I could do to make my job more interesting. And they respect me. They check-in with me, invite me out, ask for my opinion, and in the process, put these ideas in motion pretty quickly. But it is just a job.
We have struggled to sell our house and we are going to take a big financial hit for the sale of it. We have had to make many trips to complete the cleaning out of the house. We are staying in a tiny apartment here, and when you think of the house sitting in Hopedale, why are you here? It is a small community, and me and my wife spend lots of time together. It can be good, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. (My wife might read this...)
I also think that, even though I am close to my first home in Montreal, most of my good friends are in Mass. I may have not gone out with them a lot, but I knew they were a phone call away. Everything I need was within a 30 minute ride. Work was not the best salary wise and recognition wise from my employer (meaning bonuses, salary increases, not actual recognition), I needed to work extra hours but one thing is for sure: I always felt like I belonged in the parole office. Those guys are the best and were always there for me. And the work environment was just great: things happening (unlike Vermont) in a setting that was not just outpatient and ideas were shared about the public safety/public health colaboration.
And then I got an award from the Mass Parole Officers Association. Even if I was the only nominee, it is a great honor. And my co-workers at Parole want me back. They like me (although they will never say it that way) and make me feel wanted. I could go back there and get back into a comfortable situation. "There is no shame in coming back" someone said. I believe that. I have been tortured thinking about this possible return...
But I am staying in Vermont. Why? I need to push this to the limit. I need to see what I can contribute here. I need to do something different for longer than 7 months. I told myself I needed to give it 1 year. I will. I guess someone told me: "Don't you challenge your clients to do things that are uncomfortable every day?" And I need to take that challenge. The worst that can happen is that we fail. Then what? I am not all too happy about staying. I still question it sometime. But I needed to give it a try. I need to challenge myself. I have never lived in a rural area. I can find it hard and my friends will support me. They know it is something I need to do. So practicing what you tell your cleints isn't as easy as It hought...but I'll learn something out of this.