Well, I haven't written much lately. To be honest, it started with the death of my good friend Christina...it made me think...I have done my share of thinking and hopefully will continue to do so but all this thinking made me say this: Practice what you preach.
As you may or may not know, I don't like Vermont. It's small, not very friendly, and I really don't relate to many people here. I can't drink every night. My child is my number one priority. I can't leave on a whim to do whatever. I don't hunt or fish. It is a a rural area, where anything that you need is...an hour away...entertainement too! Basically, I am what the locals call "a flatlander". And this state loves to make you feel like an outsider. I really feel like I don't belong.
Thank God for my employer. They have been extremely supportive and they have tried to do lots of things to keep me around. They have given me nice gift certificates, they have given me the time off I needed, they have let me explore different things I could do to make my job more interesting. And they respect me. They check-in with me, invite me out, ask for my opinion, and in the process, put these ideas in motion pretty quickly. But it is just a job.
We have struggled to sell our house and we are going to take a big financial hit for the sale of it. We have had to make many trips to complete the cleaning out of the house. We are staying in a tiny apartment here, and when you think of the house sitting in Hopedale, why are you here? It is a small community, and me and my wife spend lots of time together. It can be good, but there is such a thing as too much of a good thing. (My wife might read this...)
I also think that, even though I am close to my first home in Montreal, most of my good friends are in Mass. I may have not gone out with them a lot, but I knew they were a phone call away. Everything I need was within a 30 minute ride. Work was not the best salary wise and recognition wise from my employer (meaning bonuses, salary increases, not actual recognition), I needed to work extra hours but one thing is for sure: I always felt like I belonged in the parole office. Those guys are the best and were always there for me. And the work environment was just great: things happening (unlike Vermont) in a setting that was not just outpatient and ideas were shared about the public safety/public health colaboration.
And then I got an award from the Mass Parole Officers Association. Even if I was the only nominee, it is a great honor. And my co-workers at Parole want me back. They like me (although they will never say it that way) and make me feel wanted. I could go back there and get back into a comfortable situation. "There is no shame in coming back" someone said. I believe that. I have been tortured thinking about this possible return...
But I am staying in Vermont. Why? I need to push this to the limit. I need to see what I can contribute here. I need to do something different for longer than 7 months. I told myself I needed to give it 1 year. I will. I guess someone told me: "Don't you challenge your clients to do things that are uncomfortable every day?" And I need to take that challenge. The worst that can happen is that we fail. Then what? I am not all too happy about staying. I still question it sometime. But I needed to give it a try. I need to challenge myself. I have never lived in a rural area. I can find it hard and my friends will support me. They know it is something I need to do. So practicing what you tell your cleints isn't as easy as It hought...but I'll learn something out of this.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Thursday, January 22, 2009
I have a chip on my shoulder
I was trying to chill out tonight, trying to relax from a day with a fussy but amazing child and I was searching for random things on the Internet. I ended up on Wikipedia, reading about my defunct, beloved Montreal Expos (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Montreal_Expos). I was trying to figure out why I liked them so much, especially since baseball is not one of my favorite sports. As I read on, I got so angry reading about how the Expos were essentially ran out by Major League Baseball, especially Jeffrey Loria and Bud Selig, and I figured out my entry for my blog.
I have been told by numerous friends, not-so-much friends, family members, and employers that I walk with a chip on my shoulder. When I was a younger adult, I fought that perception and just figured they were out to get me! I did not like the negative connotation of those words and it really pissed me off. I blamed others for this chip, that they put it there, that they are the ones who just don't understand. I was fighting the good fight, alone, with no allies, and figured I could only count on myself. The Lone Wolf!
As I grew older, I started to recognize some truth to that statement. After all, I am a Quebecois and I always felt English Canada hated us and tried to put us down. I needed to carry this chip for our people and I was proud to be a Quebecois. So why wouldn't I? I considered my first language to be French and my family was all French, except for my Dad. And he always told me to be proud and always remember where you came from. So that chip was justified. But what about other chips?
It took me a while to figure those out. My first indication that this chip needed to be moderated was when I almost got fired from a job. The reason? I stood up for what I believed but got written up for it. And I was right! To this day, I know I was right...however that chip is really small nowadays...but I learned from that experience.
When I had to deal with the INS to come to this country, there was mountain of paperwork, tons of conditions, and many loopholes. Why were they making it so hard? They didn't want me to be here? I was a good citizen and love this country, what is their problem? That chip is now small too.
How did I take care of this? I had to come to a few conclusions: First a chip on your shoulder is not a bad thing...nor is it a good thing...it is what you do with it. If you are just angry and draw paranoia from it, it will destroy many things in your life...and at the end of the day, yourself. It is destructive to hold on to it so tight that you cannot accomplish anything else in your life. I also firmly believe that if you do not have any chips on your shoulder, you will slowly destroy yourself.
The chips that you carry on your shoulder are usually related to your beliefs. I believe that are things that are wrong in life: abusing power, inequality, not getting a second chance, discrimination, not being loyal, dishonesty...OK that is just a few. If you feel that your beliefs are not being respected, you must have enough guts to stand up for them. So my chips have taught me that you need them but not have them get in the way. Not always easy to do but if you say what you mean and mean what you say, at some point, people will respect you. And for those who don't? Do you really need them in your life?
I have been told by numerous friends, not-so-much friends, family members, and employers that I walk with a chip on my shoulder. When I was a younger adult, I fought that perception and just figured they were out to get me! I did not like the negative connotation of those words and it really pissed me off. I blamed others for this chip, that they put it there, that they are the ones who just don't understand. I was fighting the good fight, alone, with no allies, and figured I could only count on myself. The Lone Wolf!
As I grew older, I started to recognize some truth to that statement. After all, I am a Quebecois and I always felt English Canada hated us and tried to put us down. I needed to carry this chip for our people and I was proud to be a Quebecois. So why wouldn't I? I considered my first language to be French and my family was all French, except for my Dad. And he always told me to be proud and always remember where you came from. So that chip was justified. But what about other chips?
It took me a while to figure those out. My first indication that this chip needed to be moderated was when I almost got fired from a job. The reason? I stood up for what I believed but got written up for it. And I was right! To this day, I know I was right...however that chip is really small nowadays...but I learned from that experience.
When I had to deal with the INS to come to this country, there was mountain of paperwork, tons of conditions, and many loopholes. Why were they making it so hard? They didn't want me to be here? I was a good citizen and love this country, what is their problem? That chip is now small too.
How did I take care of this? I had to come to a few conclusions: First a chip on your shoulder is not a bad thing...nor is it a good thing...it is what you do with it. If you are just angry and draw paranoia from it, it will destroy many things in your life...and at the end of the day, yourself. It is destructive to hold on to it so tight that you cannot accomplish anything else in your life. I also firmly believe that if you do not have any chips on your shoulder, you will slowly destroy yourself.
The chips that you carry on your shoulder are usually related to your beliefs. I believe that are things that are wrong in life: abusing power, inequality, not getting a second chance, discrimination, not being loyal, dishonesty...OK that is just a few. If you feel that your beliefs are not being respected, you must have enough guts to stand up for them. So my chips have taught me that you need them but not have them get in the way. Not always easy to do but if you say what you mean and mean what you say, at some point, people will respect you. And for those who don't? Do you really need them in your life?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Welcome
Hi everybody!
Just wanted to know what the big deal was about blogs. So I figured the best way to know is to start one.
What am I going to talk about? Well, I guess many things. One thing that has always amazed when people tell me that they are done with learning. OK so they don't say it that way but that is the gist of it. I don't come from that point of view. I tell people I work with that I will learn from them for sure. So that would be one thing I will write about.
Following the spirit of this first point, I will probably write about all the people in my life which I learn from: family, friends, wife, child, co-workers, neighbors, people I encounter(ed) in this life journey (past or present). Sometimes it may look like venting but just maybe, by the end of my rant, I will talk about what I have learned.
I recently moved and been struggling with this move for several reasons. What are the lessons there? Hope I can figure them out. I will also discuss spirituality. As a Buddhist, I accept all religions so if I seem opposed to any religion at any time, please keep in mind that a lesson should be learned from that too...
Finally, as a fairly new father, I want to explore all great and not so great moments. What are the lessons there? Not always easy to see in the moment.
So I guess this is the start of my blog. I want to share what I have learned or rant and rave until I figure out what I should have learned! I don't know how often I will update it but I will do my best to keep it updated at least once weekly. I am hoping more. Let me know if you have any subjects you want me to explore too. I love a great discussion!
Just wanted to know what the big deal was about blogs. So I figured the best way to know is to start one.
What am I going to talk about? Well, I guess many things. One thing that has always amazed when people tell me that they are done with learning. OK so they don't say it that way but that is the gist of it. I don't come from that point of view. I tell people I work with that I will learn from them for sure. So that would be one thing I will write about.
Following the spirit of this first point, I will probably write about all the people in my life which I learn from: family, friends, wife, child, co-workers, neighbors, people I encounter(ed) in this life journey (past or present). Sometimes it may look like venting but just maybe, by the end of my rant, I will talk about what I have learned.
I recently moved and been struggling with this move for several reasons. What are the lessons there? Hope I can figure them out. I will also discuss spirituality. As a Buddhist, I accept all religions so if I seem opposed to any religion at any time, please keep in mind that a lesson should be learned from that too...
Finally, as a fairly new father, I want to explore all great and not so great moments. What are the lessons there? Not always easy to see in the moment.
So I guess this is the start of my blog. I want to share what I have learned or rant and rave until I figure out what I should have learned! I don't know how often I will update it but I will do my best to keep it updated at least once weekly. I am hoping more. Let me know if you have any subjects you want me to explore too. I love a great discussion!
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