Monday, November 19, 2012
Parenting: Not As Easy As It Looks
When I started reading about parenting in my late teens, boy did it sound easy. "Of course, I will use time outs appropriately", "I won't lose my cool", "Positive reinforcement is the only way to go", and my personal favorite "I won't be like the other crazy parents I see". Four and a half years in, I've broken all these ideals a few times, more than I care to write in this blot.
Timeouts have been effective some of the time but I'm not sure I always use them right. Telling my kids why they are in timeout prior to sending them? Oh they know what they did! Sometimes, I think the timeouts were for me, not them. I have also caught myself several times. My favorite time was when I sent Catherine in timeout and I took her word on why she was there. Embarrassing to say the least.
If losing my cool wad an Olympic sport, I would have a few records. Crowded places drive me nuts, now imagine it with impulsive 2&4 year olds. Not pretty. Also being an only child, I have no clue on sibling rivalry or how to put up with lots of talking and disorganized chaos. Ok, I am French Canadian and speaking over each other is a pastime but still... And please explain to me how you tell your kids you love them equally without World War III erupting and the dueling banjos from Deliverance make their appearance?
I do use positive reinforcement fairly regularly but there is something to be said about limit setting once in a blue moon..OK once a day. How can you always be positive? I am positive that it is impossible to do! This is probably my biggest thing I got to work on. I guess that I can do it really well when I sleep well, do not get woken up early, that I am not over-stressed, and that they are getting along...Now all you parents out there, how often does that happen? I thought so!
I remember looking at those crazed parents who yell and scream at their children or pull their arms out of their sockets when they are walking or shopping or anywhere in between. I wondered what the hell is wrong with them? I mean the kid is acting up, but that happen with young ones. Now that I have two, I realize that these moments are maybe the end result of a full day of trouble, where the parent used every single possible skill known in parenting and just can't do it anymore. While I still agree that yelling and screaming is wrong, and I really get upset to see kids getting pulled by their arms, I am starting to think those parents aren't as crazy as I though. I never yell or scream at my kids personally...well in public anyway.
For those of you who are now horrified and think that my kids are in danger, let me reassure you: I write this in jest. I did want to point out that all ideals that we have as a non-parent are really tough to follow in real life situations but that if you are able to follow these regularly, you are doing a pretty good.
Thursday, June 21, 2012
Chris Benoit 5 years later
We are coming up on the 5 year anniversary of the Chris Benoit tragedy. I think of this tragedy many times a year for several reasons: A)I am still a wrestling fan (laugh of you want) B) I always loved Chris' character C) Chris is a born Montrealer D) the criminal justice impact of what he did and his victims, his family E) the reasons for this horrible act with hindsight.
For those of you who may not remember or know about this case, Chris Benoit was a former professional wrestler who killed his wife and two kids before killing himself. It was mediatized as wrestlers acting out and being bad people. The discussion of brain injury came up at the time slightly and is now considered the actual reason for this gruesome crime.
This was all triggered a few days ago when I read that Our Lady Peace has not played "Whatever", Chris Benoit's theme song, since this tragic day. That angered me. I think it is backwards to think that if we don't talk about it, it will go away. It's destructive and short sighted. It's also pretty ignorant. "If you ignore history, you are doomed to repeat it" someone once said.
Chris was a decent man who had been married to his job for many years. In order to do that, he took many risks who caused physical injuries, as well as brain and psychological injuries. To be able to perform for the fans, he dealt with injuries, using medications. One could assume pain medications, as well as steroids. We have devilized him for the end of his life. However, we must look at other stuff before we put squarely on him.
First of all, I understand he put those medications in his body. However, why did he do this? Was it the wrestling business? The fans? Other stuff? A little of all four of these factors? That, to me, is the real answer. Some will say I am putting blame on others. I believe that we are quick to blame a single factor as it is easier. But when is a negative event the result of a single factor?
Chris Benoit probably shouldn't have taken all those medications. He probably should have stayed home and rest. But how many of you get paid to stay home? How many of you would actually stay home until you were 100% better? How many of you take all your meds "as prescribed" and then return to work when your med regimen has taken it's course...OK how many were able to say that they did all these things as prescribed and who cares if they get paid? That is what I though. Some of his violence may have been due to all this and pressures of employers, as well as society.
We can devilized Chris Benoit but he is no different than most of us. If we learned to look at people as people who make mistakes instead of going into "black and white" thinking, we would be able to understand others better and ourselves.
Let me know what you think of this blog.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Why I love Howard Stern and try to follow his example
For most of you, you know I got Sirius within weeks of hearing that Howard Stern was going to satellite. For some of you, you don't know how much I admire Howard Stern and have followed him since 1997, when he came to CHOM in Montreal. I also watched him CBS until I moved to the US in 1999.
Now there is many reasons I like Howard but I'll try to focus only a few of the reasons. My number one reason for listening to him is that he is honest. He says what he means and means what he says. He does not apologize for who he is. Sure, he does say some of his stuff for shock value but even beneath this shock, there is a grain of truth in it that most people can relate to. Now I already know some people tune out of my blog at this point but please, give it a chance.
Howard grew up in a neighborhood in which he was "different". Now you tell me you cannot relate to that? I have lived a life where I felt different in certain ways: I grew up with a French mother and an English father. I went to French school, while watching mostly English TV. I was the "Bloke" for French speaking Quebecers and the "squarehead" and "Jean-Guy Pepper" for the English speaking Quebecers. I am a Canadian in the USA. You get the picture. Sometimes you feel like an outsider. I know I have. Howard was an outsider in his jobs, whether on the radio, TV, or movies. He hit the big time and still feels like he does not fit in. Again, sound familiar.
He also uses everyday language, the language that some of you are way too embarrassed to admit use. But if you really listen to him, he does not square to only "shock" but to put emphasis on his points. And he also has real feelings. It is so hard to find someone who can be genuine in his feelings but Howard is. If it offends you, listen to the message, don't get hung up on the swear. Listen. And frankly, I like to talk that way and I have put that in place in my practice. Why? People relate to real words, not the psycho-babble. And I think people relate to honest, from the heart words. Think about it: If I say "That sounds difficult" does it really have the same impact and feeling that "That's f#ck up" has? I don't think so. And if someone is in a "difficult" situation, someone else saying that it's messed up makes them feel your empathy.
I have like 40 other points but I'll leave you on this: Howard is who he is and does not make excuses for it. I wish more people were like that. If he messes up, he'll fess up. But most people don't remember all the good stuff he did: He stayed broadcasting in New York on 9/11 and gave all his staff the opportunity to leave if they wanted. He has stayed loyal to all his staff when they have had issues. He has helped people in the "Wack Pack", people most people do not want to deal with. He has given an open mike to people who needed one. He has given to countless charities, but does not want the publicity. He has a heart. He did not publicly destroy his ex-wife prior or after his divorce. He never brought his girls in his work and was very protective of them.
All in all, Howard is more like everyone of us than some of you want to admit. That is maybe one reason people are "repulsed" by him. He is more like us than we want to believe. And even if you still don't want to hear him, you have a choice: Instead of being upset, change the channel. I don't like Rush Linbaugh so I don't listen to him. I don't complain about him, I just change the channel if I hear him. But I for one, think Howard is relatable, honest, and real. And maybe, just maybe, he will bring you to change your way of thinking.
Now there is many reasons I like Howard but I'll try to focus only a few of the reasons. My number one reason for listening to him is that he is honest. He says what he means and means what he says. He does not apologize for who he is. Sure, he does say some of his stuff for shock value but even beneath this shock, there is a grain of truth in it that most people can relate to. Now I already know some people tune out of my blog at this point but please, give it a chance.
Howard grew up in a neighborhood in which he was "different". Now you tell me you cannot relate to that? I have lived a life where I felt different in certain ways: I grew up with a French mother and an English father. I went to French school, while watching mostly English TV. I was the "Bloke" for French speaking Quebecers and the "squarehead" and "Jean-Guy Pepper" for the English speaking Quebecers. I am a Canadian in the USA. You get the picture. Sometimes you feel like an outsider. I know I have. Howard was an outsider in his jobs, whether on the radio, TV, or movies. He hit the big time and still feels like he does not fit in. Again, sound familiar.
He also uses everyday language, the language that some of you are way too embarrassed to admit use. But if you really listen to him, he does not square to only "shock" but to put emphasis on his points. And he also has real feelings. It is so hard to find someone who can be genuine in his feelings but Howard is. If it offends you, listen to the message, don't get hung up on the swear. Listen. And frankly, I like to talk that way and I have put that in place in my practice. Why? People relate to real words, not the psycho-babble. And I think people relate to honest, from the heart words. Think about it: If I say "That sounds difficult" does it really have the same impact and feeling that "That's f#ck up" has? I don't think so. And if someone is in a "difficult" situation, someone else saying that it's messed up makes them feel your empathy.
I have like 40 other points but I'll leave you on this: Howard is who he is and does not make excuses for it. I wish more people were like that. If he messes up, he'll fess up. But most people don't remember all the good stuff he did: He stayed broadcasting in New York on 9/11 and gave all his staff the opportunity to leave if they wanted. He has stayed loyal to all his staff when they have had issues. He has helped people in the "Wack Pack", people most people do not want to deal with. He has given an open mike to people who needed one. He has given to countless charities, but does not want the publicity. He has a heart. He did not publicly destroy his ex-wife prior or after his divorce. He never brought his girls in his work and was very protective of them.
All in all, Howard is more like everyone of us than some of you want to admit. That is maybe one reason people are "repulsed" by him. He is more like us than we want to believe. And even if you still don't want to hear him, you have a choice: Instead of being upset, change the channel. I don't like Rush Linbaugh so I don't listen to him. I don't complain about him, I just change the channel if I hear him. But I for one, think Howard is relatable, honest, and real. And maybe, just maybe, he will bring you to change your way of thinking.
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
3 strikes law
So this has been bothering me for a while. There is a new bill on Beacon Hill for "habitual offenders" and which has been called the "Three Strike Law". Legislators are bragging about it being one of the toughest in the country. It would make "violent and habitual offenders" ineligible for Parole. They define the violent crimes as "murder, manslaughter, mayhem, rape, kidnapping, and assault and battery causing serious bodily injury".
On paper, it is a tough on crime, and makes a whole lot of sense. I mean, who wants these guys paroled, right? Why I agree on some, I think they include over 60 crimes. Murder, rape, and kidnapping makes sense to me. What does not make sense is that we will release individuals that have committed violent crimes with no supervision after their sentence. Part of the bill states that there would some mandatory post-release supervision, but they do not indicate who would be responsible for this or how they plan to grandfather (or not) current parolees, probationers, and incarcerated people. This part of the bill has been proposed in the past but has died due to not being able to agree who would be responsible for this post-incarceration supervision. And, please tell me, if they violate mandatory post incarceration supervision, what are the consequences?
Also, we will overload a very crowded jail system, jails which by the way, the current administration want to close or reduce. The Department of Correction is the biggest part of the state budget and if this law passes, it will only get bigger. Maybe this gets DOC backing, but keep in mind that it costs roughly $45,000 a year to house an inmate. If this inmate has special needs or is acting up and such, it increases the costs. I firmly believe that inmates who will incarcerated for the totality of their sentence may be a little upset and may act out. I think that by making inmates angrier, more frustrated, and upset at the "system", we may have more issues. If you need some examples of what a three strikes law does to the prison population and their behavior, look up California and their experience with the 3 strike law.
I also believe that with recent issues with parole, the board is more aware of these issues. Cineli and Corales were appalling neglect of the board to read about inmates they are granting parole. I also believe that parole does a great service to former inmates: it sets-up a series of conditions of release that are tailored to the parolee and get them the services they may need. This, in turn, increases the chances of effective adaptation to the community and probably address their criminogenic issues. This, in turn, make our communities safer. Probation does similar work and I also applaud them for their work to get probationers ready for reintegration to the community. I also firmly believe this helps diminish recidivism.
As for financial considerations, let's take an inmate with a 3 year sentence. If he was released on parole with 1 year left on his sentence, it will reduce DOC cost by $45,000. It will cost maybe $10,000 to be on parole for 1 year. In addition, the parolee must pay $80 a month and if he works (usually part of the condition), this parolee will pay taxes to the government. So, conservatively, the parolee may pay $2500 back to the community, have supervision to support proper reintegration to the community. So again I ask, what makes more sense?
Now legislators need to be "tough on crime" and especially in an election year. There are some individuals who should NEVER be release...but 97% of them are released at some time....Again, I ask you: 3 strikes, or community supervision
Also, we will overload a very crowded jail system, jails which by the way, the current administration want to close or reduce. The Department of Correction is the biggest part of the state budget and if this law passes, it will only get bigger. Maybe this gets DOC backing, but keep in mind that it costs roughly $45,000 a year to house an inmate. If this inmate has special needs or is acting up and such, it increases the costs. I firmly believe that inmates who will incarcerated for the totality of their sentence may be a little upset and may act out. I think that by making inmates angrier, more frustrated, and upset at the "system", we may have more issues. If you need some examples of what a three strikes law does to the prison population and their behavior, look up California and their experience with the 3 strike law.
I also believe that with recent issues with parole, the board is more aware of these issues. Cineli and Corales were appalling neglect of the board to read about inmates they are granting parole. I also believe that parole does a great service to former inmates: it sets-up a series of conditions of release that are tailored to the parolee and get them the services they may need. This, in turn, increases the chances of effective adaptation to the community and probably address their criminogenic issues. This, in turn, make our communities safer. Probation does similar work and I also applaud them for their work to get probationers ready for reintegration to the community. I also firmly believe this helps diminish recidivism.
As for financial considerations, let's take an inmate with a 3 year sentence. If he was released on parole with 1 year left on his sentence, it will reduce DOC cost by $45,000. It will cost maybe $10,000 to be on parole for 1 year. In addition, the parolee must pay $80 a month and if he works (usually part of the condition), this parolee will pay taxes to the government. So, conservatively, the parolee may pay $2500 back to the community, have supervision to support proper reintegration to the community. So again I ask, what makes more sense?
Now legislators need to be "tough on crime" and especially in an election year. There are some individuals who should NEVER be release...but 97% of them are released at some time....Again, I ask you: 3 strikes, or community supervision
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Women, my girls, and feminism
I have had some time in the last 2 weeks to read many articles on several "women" issues. It was International Women's Day last Thursday, Newsday had a full issue on Women's Month and summit, and there has been lots of talk about birth control, abortion, and women in politics.
Now I want to stress a few things. I believe that many issues are "human" issues and not just "women" issues. As I write this, I also want to stress that men should stand with women on most of these issues but not make the decisions for them. I think that women have a voice in men's issues also, but they should not impose their view on men either. I understand that there are biological and societal differences between men and women but respecting each other's point of view is more of the essence then imposing anything on each other.
So I'll get the issues that bother me. First off, I am sick and tired of this birth control issue. It is not a political issue, it is not a religious issue, it is not a medical issue. It is a women's choice issue. Men should stay away from that issue period if they are not willing to let a women choose. A woman who is against birth control and abortion should just not choose to use them. If a woman wants both, that is fine too. If a woman supports one but not the other, again, not an issue. Let a woman decide for herself.
Women and men should not impose their views on others. Western countries are mostly based on freedom of choice and expression. So let women decide for themselves. I'll be accussed of simplifying a huge issue but whatever. I stand behind my opinion. Are there exceptions? Of course. But how would men feel if women decided on who can or cannot get a vasectomy, procure condoms, or even choose for them if they can or cannot father a child?
Secondly, women are not second rate citizens. This is mostly directed to countries and areas where women are mistreated, mutilated, verbally, physically, or sexually abused. But don't think for a second this does not happen here. It is appalling to see how some people treat women as second class citizens, even in "developed" countries. Very sad too.
I had a great role model growing up: my mom. She worked in HR at a telecommunications company for several years. She was also considered a "superior" most of my life at that job. She broke the glass ceiling before there was one and she never looked back. She was a strong woman, who balanced her home life with her professional life. She spent lots of time with me and also did her job professionally and efficiently. She gave everyone the time of day but made difficult decisions when she had too. She even fired my dad, who worked at the same company (they met there)! I never had to think twice about "women in power" and issues with that. In my book, women and men had equal opportunities to get any type of jobs. I thank my mom for this attitude to this day.
Of course, by the time I entered the workforce, I realized perception of men versus women. I am still aware of it to this day...and it saddens me, angers me, scares me. I have two girls who will grow up in this world. I look at the women I consider friends or that I admire and I hear/see/observe all the difficulties they face. I even look at some of my male friends and their misperceptions or even the language they use about women. I also look at how we continue to socialize girls and it scares me. My girls are allowed to like anything they want, dress with any clothes they want, including boys clothes, and express any emotion they want. My girls play rough but love pink and barbies. They don't want "pink" sports uniforms but what the players actually wear. I refuse to box them on gender...but there is a whole lot of people who try to do it. I don't try to stop it, unless it is excessive, but I let them decide what they want. I want to empower my girls, want them to feel they can be what they want to me...but I sometimes worry that this "civilized" society (US, Canada) won't let them.
Now I want to stress a few things. I believe that many issues are "human" issues and not just "women" issues. As I write this, I also want to stress that men should stand with women on most of these issues but not make the decisions for them. I think that women have a voice in men's issues also, but they should not impose their view on men either. I understand that there are biological and societal differences between men and women but respecting each other's point of view is more of the essence then imposing anything on each other.
So I'll get the issues that bother me. First off, I am sick and tired of this birth control issue. It is not a political issue, it is not a religious issue, it is not a medical issue. It is a women's choice issue. Men should stay away from that issue period if they are not willing to let a women choose. A woman who is against birth control and abortion should just not choose to use them. If a woman wants both, that is fine too. If a woman supports one but not the other, again, not an issue. Let a woman decide for herself.
Women and men should not impose their views on others. Western countries are mostly based on freedom of choice and expression. So let women decide for themselves. I'll be accussed of simplifying a huge issue but whatever. I stand behind my opinion. Are there exceptions? Of course. But how would men feel if women decided on who can or cannot get a vasectomy, procure condoms, or even choose for them if they can or cannot father a child?
Secondly, women are not second rate citizens. This is mostly directed to countries and areas where women are mistreated, mutilated, verbally, physically, or sexually abused. But don't think for a second this does not happen here. It is appalling to see how some people treat women as second class citizens, even in "developed" countries. Very sad too.
I had a great role model growing up: my mom. She worked in HR at a telecommunications company for several years. She was also considered a "superior" most of my life at that job. She broke the glass ceiling before there was one and she never looked back. She was a strong woman, who balanced her home life with her professional life. She spent lots of time with me and also did her job professionally and efficiently. She gave everyone the time of day but made difficult decisions when she had too. She even fired my dad, who worked at the same company (they met there)! I never had to think twice about "women in power" and issues with that. In my book, women and men had equal opportunities to get any type of jobs. I thank my mom for this attitude to this day.
Of course, by the time I entered the workforce, I realized perception of men versus women. I am still aware of it to this day...and it saddens me, angers me, scares me. I have two girls who will grow up in this world. I look at the women I consider friends or that I admire and I hear/see/observe all the difficulties they face. I even look at some of my male friends and their misperceptions or even the language they use about women. I also look at how we continue to socialize girls and it scares me. My girls are allowed to like anything they want, dress with any clothes they want, including boys clothes, and express any emotion they want. My girls play rough but love pink and barbies. They don't want "pink" sports uniforms but what the players actually wear. I refuse to box them on gender...but there is a whole lot of people who try to do it. I don't try to stop it, unless it is excessive, but I let them decide what they want. I want to empower my girls, want them to feel they can be what they want to me...but I sometimes worry that this "civilized" society (US, Canada) won't let them.
Saturday, March 3, 2012
My experience with getting an outpatient procedure
So it's been about 48 hours since I went for my outpatient procedure. I don't know what the procedure itself thaught me but I know why I did it and the motivation behind. I was also surprised by the support I got from other men.
First off, it went OK...I got there after taking a prescribed benzodiazepine...which did not affect me until I got there....took away the edge for sure. I was calm and probably helped with the waiting room wait and the prep time. The left side went pretty quick with limited pain, however there were complications on the right side...I was calm about it until he went: "It's being difficult". Then he said to the nurse to go get a colleague doctor. I detected (or imagined, whatever) in his voice some concern.
I played it cool but I got to admit that it freaked me out. It was OK at first...Until the anesthesia started to wear off...I started feeling more than I realized it was the anesthesia running out...I had to remind them that they may need to give me more anesthesia....they said they would but delayed it ever so slightly...I beg them at some point and they finally did....but they still struggled to find the thing they had to cut, making sure it got in to the clamp...it was probably a few minutes but it felt like an hour. But the anesthesia ran out again...so they doubled up on it...After they did the cut, the nurse and the doctors told me I was pretty strong not to flinch. I have to admit a few expletives went flying though.
Anyway, after they were done, I had to stay there for a few minutes before putting on the jockstrap and the gauze. I walked out a little dazed, with a "goody bag". As I was leaving, I was calling my wife and the doctor ran out to ask me what pharmacy I used, as he was going to call in an antibiotic due to the complications on the right. It was 90 minutes after I went in. A 30 minute procedure? Yeah right! At least my anxiety wasn't playing tricks: it did take longer.
I got to the car walking funny. My two girls tried to talk to me but frankly, I could not really answer: all I wanted was my pain meds. I don't remember what I said to them or my wife other than needing to pick up an antibiotic. And for the record: why would you put speed bumps in a urologist's parking lot? That is just plain cruel! And no, this ain't a joke.
I got home, made a B-line for the meds, two bags of peas, and went straight to my bed. I went through 4 bags of peas off and on since then. It does help with the swelling although trying to hide the process from 2 curious daughters has been difficult. It's been great, as it took away my back pain, as I have no clue about my back right now. I have struggled to stay inactive and now 48+ hours later, I need to get out of the house. The pain is not as bad but it comes and goes.
Now here are a few observations that I have to make: when they were "struggling" with the right side and I had pain, they told me to go to my happy place. I did that for a short while but then used a different imagery: watching my first born playing turtle while my wife was trying to push her out at her birth. If she can put up with that "pressure", a little pain is nothing.
Secondly, a bunch of very manly guys talked to me about their experience with their procedure. It was nice to get some advice but to also know that some men are willing to go through with the procedure. Some other guys beg me not to do it and if I did, I was less of a man and that I better not tell their wives about it. I think some might have been joking but some of it was not a joke and the guys were pretty damn serious about their criticism. I just think it is sad.
I went through it for the simple fact that women go through a bodily change for 22+ months when they decide to have a baby and breastfeed. We have had 2 kids so it's almost a 44 month sacrifice. My little pain for the next few days is nothing compared to that. I am not saying that I am enjoying this but frankly, if there is something that is fair, it is me doing this for my relationship. I respect men who don't want to do it or have other emotions preventing them from doing this procedure. I know I did what was right for me and my relationship with my wife.
And if I want kids later? There are several options: adoption is a great option. There is also the use of A.I. I have friends who struggle so much to have kids and have used all these techniques and then some. I am so lucky to have two very healthy girls and I feel lucky that we were able to conceive these two wonderful daughters. I look at my friends who have used the other techniques and they seem to be as happy with their kids as we are. So yeah, adoption, A.I., or any other techniques would be OK in my book. But right now, I am pretty convinced that I am done having kids.
First off, it went OK...I got there after taking a prescribed benzodiazepine...which did not affect me until I got there....took away the edge for sure. I was calm and probably helped with the waiting room wait and the prep time. The left side went pretty quick with limited pain, however there were complications on the right side...I was calm about it until he went: "It's being difficult". Then he said to the nurse to go get a colleague doctor. I detected (or imagined, whatever) in his voice some concern.
I played it cool but I got to admit that it freaked me out. It was OK at first...Until the anesthesia started to wear off...I started feeling more than I realized it was the anesthesia running out...I had to remind them that they may need to give me more anesthesia....they said they would but delayed it ever so slightly...I beg them at some point and they finally did....but they still struggled to find the thing they had to cut, making sure it got in to the clamp...it was probably a few minutes but it felt like an hour. But the anesthesia ran out again...so they doubled up on it...After they did the cut, the nurse and the doctors told me I was pretty strong not to flinch. I have to admit a few expletives went flying though.
Anyway, after they were done, I had to stay there for a few minutes before putting on the jockstrap and the gauze. I walked out a little dazed, with a "goody bag". As I was leaving, I was calling my wife and the doctor ran out to ask me what pharmacy I used, as he was going to call in an antibiotic due to the complications on the right. It was 90 minutes after I went in. A 30 minute procedure? Yeah right! At least my anxiety wasn't playing tricks: it did take longer.
I got to the car walking funny. My two girls tried to talk to me but frankly, I could not really answer: all I wanted was my pain meds. I don't remember what I said to them or my wife other than needing to pick up an antibiotic. And for the record: why would you put speed bumps in a urologist's parking lot? That is just plain cruel! And no, this ain't a joke.
I got home, made a B-line for the meds, two bags of peas, and went straight to my bed. I went through 4 bags of peas off and on since then. It does help with the swelling although trying to hide the process from 2 curious daughters has been difficult. It's been great, as it took away my back pain, as I have no clue about my back right now. I have struggled to stay inactive and now 48+ hours later, I need to get out of the house. The pain is not as bad but it comes and goes.
Now here are a few observations that I have to make: when they were "struggling" with the right side and I had pain, they told me to go to my happy place. I did that for a short while but then used a different imagery: watching my first born playing turtle while my wife was trying to push her out at her birth. If she can put up with that "pressure", a little pain is nothing.
Secondly, a bunch of very manly guys talked to me about their experience with their procedure. It was nice to get some advice but to also know that some men are willing to go through with the procedure. Some other guys beg me not to do it and if I did, I was less of a man and that I better not tell their wives about it. I think some might have been joking but some of it was not a joke and the guys were pretty damn serious about their criticism. I just think it is sad.
I went through it for the simple fact that women go through a bodily change for 22+ months when they decide to have a baby and breastfeed. We have had 2 kids so it's almost a 44 month sacrifice. My little pain for the next few days is nothing compared to that. I am not saying that I am enjoying this but frankly, if there is something that is fair, it is me doing this for my relationship. I respect men who don't want to do it or have other emotions preventing them from doing this procedure. I know I did what was right for me and my relationship with my wife.
And if I want kids later? There are several options: adoption is a great option. There is also the use of A.I. I have friends who struggle so much to have kids and have used all these techniques and then some. I am so lucky to have two very healthy girls and I feel lucky that we were able to conceive these two wonderful daughters. I look at my friends who have used the other techniques and they seem to be as happy with their kids as we are. So yeah, adoption, A.I., or any other techniques would be OK in my book. But right now, I am pretty convinced that I am done having kids.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Gary Carter, a childhood hero and role model
As most of you know, the man nicknamed "The Kid", Gary Carter passed away Thursday, February 16th 2012 at the young age 57. He died of brain cancer, the same disease that took my first supervisor who brought me to the United States. Carter's passing affected me in two important ways: he died due to a disease I especially despise and he was one of my first sports related memories.
Gary Carter was a kid at heart in a sport for grown-up kids. He started with the Montreal Expos in 1976 (I was born in 1975). He got his nickname from the veterans on the team who remarked that his enthusiasm was "like a kid". I was not a huge baseball fan but one of my first memories is this guy with curly hair who is always smiling and fist pumping over simple plays. He genuinely seem to have fun and didn't hold back his emotions. He embraced Montreal, even though he was a California kid. He tried his best to learn French and even spoke in French at times to reporters and journalists.
He loved Montreal. He would be at any fan outreach, he would speak for the team at many functions and he enjoyed the culture. He brought Montreal to their only post-season games. He got the biggest ovation at the All-Star Game in 1982 (played in Montreal) but he appeared humble. Oh, sure, he never met a mic he didn't like but he just enjoyed talking I think.
When he was traded to the Mets in 1984, I was upset. I sure hoped that Fitzgerald, Brooks and the others that we got in return for Carter would produce, but it created my deep hatred for the Mets. I felt he had betrayed Montreal, that he sold out. Little did I know that most Expos stars would follow suit until the demise of the team in 2004 at the hands of MLB and Bud "I hate Montreal" Selig. I pulled against the Mets any chance I got.
Which brings me to 1986. I became a Boston Red Sox fan that year. I was rooting against the Mets, sure, but after the Buckner blunder, I started having lots of sympathy for the Red Sox. This is way before I came to live in Boston. So I guess I have been a Red Sox fan for over 25 years....Thanks to who? Gary Carter. I think this is when I realized how polarized you can be for people. I always loved Gary in Montreal but hated him so much when he went to the Mets. I was even angrier that he helped him get a World Series.
I loss site of Carter after he left the Mets but so remember his last run with the Expos. As it turns out, I was going to attend school not far from the Big O. And I had a friend who worked at the gift shop. I also was dating a girl who's father got us tickets from his work a few times. I didn't see in person Carter's last hit as an Expo but I do remember the call by Elliot Price on that night: "Over the head of Dawson". I didn't know it was going to be his last hit but it felt special. And seeing the replay on CFCF that night gave me chills.
I was so thrilled to hear about his Hall of Fame nomination. We kind of all knew in Montreal that Bud "I am a jackass" Selig and MLB was going to move the team so this was maybe our only chance to see an Expo go to the Hill while there was still a team in Montreal. All that talk about him maybe going in as a Met? It was just Americans being Americans...Self-Centered in their view of everything, including baseball. The Kid elevated baseball, not only in Montreal, but in Canada. He deserved the Hall not only for his numbers but also contribution to the sport of baseball.
My heart sank last year when I heard about his brain cancer diagnosis. Brain cancer took away the boss who recruited me to the US. Now it was going to take my boyhood baseball hero. Cancer has been a disease I have despised since it took my Godmother when I was 12 or so. She had never smoked a cigarette in her life. I think the same could be said for the Kid and my former boss.
So this passing of Gary hurt me twice. Losing a boyhood hero and losing him to a disease that makes me angry and sad at the same time. Cancer has threaten friends and clients. A former friend survived it. My current boss survived it. My colleague also beat it....Twice....My client died from it last year. I saw her on her last day. I worried about Gary and wondering how long he would live. He died to me a hero...a boyhood idol...a big hearthed man...a human being who made me believe...Cancer did not beat him...Cancer only makes me really appreciate the living...the survivors...
R.I.P. Gary Carter...You will live in my memory forever.
Gary Carter was a kid at heart in a sport for grown-up kids. He started with the Montreal Expos in 1976 (I was born in 1975). He got his nickname from the veterans on the team who remarked that his enthusiasm was "like a kid". I was not a huge baseball fan but one of my first memories is this guy with curly hair who is always smiling and fist pumping over simple plays. He genuinely seem to have fun and didn't hold back his emotions. He embraced Montreal, even though he was a California kid. He tried his best to learn French and even spoke in French at times to reporters and journalists.
He loved Montreal. He would be at any fan outreach, he would speak for the team at many functions and he enjoyed the culture. He brought Montreal to their only post-season games. He got the biggest ovation at the All-Star Game in 1982 (played in Montreal) but he appeared humble. Oh, sure, he never met a mic he didn't like but he just enjoyed talking I think.
When he was traded to the Mets in 1984, I was upset. I sure hoped that Fitzgerald, Brooks and the others that we got in return for Carter would produce, but it created my deep hatred for the Mets. I felt he had betrayed Montreal, that he sold out. Little did I know that most Expos stars would follow suit until the demise of the team in 2004 at the hands of MLB and Bud "I hate Montreal" Selig. I pulled against the Mets any chance I got.
Which brings me to 1986. I became a Boston Red Sox fan that year. I was rooting against the Mets, sure, but after the Buckner blunder, I started having lots of sympathy for the Red Sox. This is way before I came to live in Boston. So I guess I have been a Red Sox fan for over 25 years....Thanks to who? Gary Carter. I think this is when I realized how polarized you can be for people. I always loved Gary in Montreal but hated him so much when he went to the Mets. I was even angrier that he helped him get a World Series.
I loss site of Carter after he left the Mets but so remember his last run with the Expos. As it turns out, I was going to attend school not far from the Big O. And I had a friend who worked at the gift shop. I also was dating a girl who's father got us tickets from his work a few times. I didn't see in person Carter's last hit as an Expo but I do remember the call by Elliot Price on that night: "Over the head of Dawson". I didn't know it was going to be his last hit but it felt special. And seeing the replay on CFCF that night gave me chills.
I was so thrilled to hear about his Hall of Fame nomination. We kind of all knew in Montreal that Bud "I am a jackass" Selig and MLB was going to move the team so this was maybe our only chance to see an Expo go to the Hill while there was still a team in Montreal. All that talk about him maybe going in as a Met? It was just Americans being Americans...Self-Centered in their view of everything, including baseball. The Kid elevated baseball, not only in Montreal, but in Canada. He deserved the Hall not only for his numbers but also contribution to the sport of baseball.
My heart sank last year when I heard about his brain cancer diagnosis. Brain cancer took away the boss who recruited me to the US. Now it was going to take my boyhood baseball hero. Cancer has been a disease I have despised since it took my Godmother when I was 12 or so. She had never smoked a cigarette in her life. I think the same could be said for the Kid and my former boss.
So this passing of Gary hurt me twice. Losing a boyhood hero and losing him to a disease that makes me angry and sad at the same time. Cancer has threaten friends and clients. A former friend survived it. My current boss survived it. My colleague also beat it....Twice....My client died from it last year. I saw her on her last day. I worried about Gary and wondering how long he would live. He died to me a hero...a boyhood idol...a big hearthed man...a human being who made me believe...Cancer did not beat him...Cancer only makes me really appreciate the living...the survivors...
R.I.P. Gary Carter...You will live in my memory forever.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)