It was 6:40PM on Thursday 12/14/06. I was at my office party, having some fun. My phone ran...I kind of knew why...I knew she was not doing great...she probably had to move out of her place...it was hard to think about her anywhere but her own apartment..she was always so strong...but something happened to her in November...she fell...she was now paralyzed on one side...and she was struggling.
I picked up the phone...it was my mother. Memere was going fast...this was probably her last night on this Earth...I kind of knew...but it hurt so much...my whole family was there...there for her...except me...I was 325 miles away...could not be there...maybe she'll go tonight...maybe not...Memere has meant so much to me...and this is how I repaid her...I know I could not be there...I knew she knew...but it was hard...I went to bed that night, heavy hearted with my cell phone and land line phone next to me...in case they called to tell me the news...I knew it was coming...but the phone call did not come...
Until Friday, December 15th at 7AM. Memere had past away that night around 2AM. She was 85 years old. She was the last of my grandparents still alive. And the only one I got to know. She raised me as a child and was a second mother to me. My mother was always present but Memere just had that aura...that strength...that role in my life. Now she was gone from this world. I still think about her just about every day. I give her a lot of credit for everything she did for me. I knew she loved me so much. It still hurts like hell. My oldest, Catherine, is her re-incarceration, I am convinced of that. That same year, in December, we also had a miscarriage of our first pregnancy...two losses within 10 days...The year before, I could not work because of an issue with my work visa...December have always been tough for me...but that is an issue for another day.
Memere, tu me manques beaucoup. Notre famille n'est plus pareille depuis ton depart. Tu etais tous pour cette famille. Ca me fait pleurer quelque fois. Je pense a toi souvent. Je t'aime et un jour, on se reverra...
(http://translate.google.com/#)
What have I learned? Love your loved ones each day. You never know what you might regret NOT saying. Before she passed away, I went up to see her in the hospital around American Thanksgiving. We joked around about certain things...Krispy Kreme, wrestling, hockey replays, playing cards with my cousin...We had a great time. I kind of knew it was the last time I'd see her. I told her how much she meant to me and how all these memories will be with me forever. And that one of my favorite memories is when she met my then girlfriend (who is now my wife) for the first time, she told her in broken English "I love you". She was embarrassed not to speak English...and she did not have to be embarrassed. Memere told me later that I seemed very happy with her and that she is "la bonne" (the right one). She had never said it about any of my other girlfriends...again she was right and said this because she always seem to know these little things.
I learned that love is innate and that instinct is sometimes a whole lot better than careful analysis.
Je t'aime Memere
