Losing a colleague, a mentor, a friend, a great man

I was heading to a celebration of a great man's career, a man that I admired, that had been there for me, a man who understood me and my "madness", a man who was a champion of advocating for both staff and people we served, a man that made me feel special every time I spoke to him, a man who led us through budgetary wars and back with a smile, a man who I knew was not doing well but still hoped to see again. When I got there, I was told he passed away 10 minutes before the event started (give or take on the time). After sadness, my reaction in my head was : "Well played Bill".

Bill was a great leader who knew how to get everyone together towards the same goal. Bill was the king of advocacy and made sure everyone in the agency would call, email, write to our leaders in the legislature in order to advocate for those who sometimes struggled to advocate for themselves. We got so many forwards that I nicknamed him "Spaminator Bill" jokingly to a person I worked with. Unbeknownst to me, that individual relayed the message of the nickname to Bill. I saw Bill a few weeks later and he thanked me for always completing the tasks of advocating. I said no problem. He then asked me where his nickname came from...I said: "What nickname?" I said foolishly, not remembering the nickname I gave him. He told me he would make sure that he comes up as "Spaminator Bill" in my email.

Bill was compassionate. I remember a time where I could not work due to a work permit issue. I was pretty bummed out, as I do not do well sitting at home and waiting! Bill called me personally and assured me that my position was safe. He then asked if I had time to volunteer for collating envelopes one afternoon. We did 2000 envelopes that day for (what else?) an advocacy effort to be sent to the Senate Leader, Speaker of the House, and the Governor. Proud of our work, I took a picture with my picture phone (remember its 2004) and sent it to him.

When I saw him that night at an Advocates Christmas Party, he shook my hand, wished me Happy Holidays (PC) and asked me how I was doing. With many board members and Senior Leadership around him I answered: "Not so good! I sent you a picture of our work today and you didn't respond (me again, not PC)". I am assuming now that he meant my forced stoppage of work. He apologized as he didn't see it and asked me to send it again. He immediately responded and during the party, he asked: "Did you get my answer? You didn't answer!"

Bill was also perceptive. The biggest compliment I ever received from him was at a time we had a budgetary crisis (yeah that's every year so I don't remember what year) and the staff at the agency were a little scared, upset, unhappy about what was going on. Bill pulled me in his office and asked me what was going on. I talked a little about me but he stopped me. He asked how things were going in the agency. I told him about the unhappiness and other issues. I was pretty blunt about things (I am so passive anyway) and we discussed how to make things better. When I left he told me what has now become a huge source of pride and how I do things:"I can always count on you for an honest opinion". For better or for worse, that is how I do things all the time, honestly.

I have other stories, like my first encounter with him ever, the changes in position I have had in the company, the Canadian document resolution, the email he sent me while I left the agency for 10 months but I'll let you ask me those stories if you want to hear them. I want to leave with this message I sent him a few months ago. Bill, thank you for letting us know about the recurrence of your cancer. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I send my positive energy towards you. I owe you my life in the US. Thanks to you and the agency, I met my great wife, got a Masters, learned about my likes and dislikes in the my work. I have a house, two wonderful kids, and a great job I enjoy. All because you gave this Canadian a chance by recruiting me into Advocates in 1998. Thank you...for everything. I will forever be grateful.

Rest in Peace Bill. I will never forget what you gave to me.

One Mission’s Kid’s Cancer Buzz-Off

One Mission’s Kid’s Cancer Buzz-Off Please give anything for this important cause. I would be appreciate it greatly.

Boston Marathon aftermath

The last week has been quite a difficult one here in the Massachusetts. It has been quite an emotional ride which culminate with an arrest of one of the suspects after shutting down most of Metro Boston, one suspect dead, Officer Collier passing away, Officer Donohue fighting for his life, and a whole lot of healing to be done everywhere. I have been through a slew of emotions, from sadness, to anger, to surprise, to upset, to happy and I am not sure how I am feeling right now so instead of processing these emotions right now, I figured I'd practice my Buddhist beliefs and write what I am thankful for today. I can let you know about my other feelings in another blog entry.
I am grateful for all law enforcement involved, from Boston PD, to the FBI, to the Mass State Police, to Transit Police, to MIT Police, to the ATF, to Homeland Security, to Watertown Police, to Cambridge Police, to the hundreds of officers called in from all over New England. These guys are never truly recognized for all their dedication and the danger they face daily. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
To the first responders, EMT and Firefighters particularly, not only for their quick response on Marathon day but with the police officers injured during the firefights. A messy, stressful job that also does not get the recognition they deserve.
To the Marathon volunteers, especially those who reacted by going towards the injured and being so selfless in a dangerous situation. Not only did they give their time to volunteer, they gave more than ever expected.
To the military personnel, especially the National Guard, who responded quickly and efficiently to a quick call up. Don't forget those who ran the Marathon and stayed around and were called into duty with no preparation.
To the people of Metro Boston who listened to the direction to "shelter in place". From a state where we usually question authority, everyone was conscientious of this order.
To all hospital workers at Beth Israel, Mass General, Brigham and Women, Mt.Auburn, Children's Hospital,  your exceptional service to the injured all around saved lives and made people feel taken care of. How comforting we have the best hospitals in the world right here?
To all those who did not react in fear, and kept going about their lives in the aftermath, you embedded the spirit of America. Never live in fear, be strong, be brave.
To Governor Patrick and President Obama. They said they were going to give all the resources law enforcement needed to get to the bottom of this, and they did. Never wavered.
To local sports teams who offered some sense of normalcy to the area. The tributes have been emotional but also helped start the healing. Singing the national anthem, giving their jerseys to the first responders, Neil Diamond singing, and Big Papi reminding us that "This is our fucking city".
To all the grief, CISM, and Red Cross responders. We will never realize how much you helped. Just remember to take care of yourself too.
To the Lenox hotel who put up all police officers, firefighters, agents who responded to Boston this week for free. It is nice to know some businesses aren't always about the bottom line and take care of those who take care of us.
I may have forgotten people, and for that, I apologize in advance. Thank you to all from a grateful Canadian who calls Boston home.

Open letter to the President

Dear President Obama.

I want to start off by congratulating you on you second term in office. I supported your presidency for both elections, posting on Facebook, Twitter, and talking to my friends about you as a great person with great leadership skills. I also contributed to you in other ways so that we can have you as a President for 8 years. However I did not vote for you.
Why you may ask? I am a legal permanent resident in this country but I cannot legally vote. I have been here since January 1999, when I entered this country as a Transnational from Canada. Here, I met my now wife, who happens to be American, and became a legal permanent resident in 2006 after enduring countless paperwork, a harsh interview from a Homeland Security employee, going for my biometrics in downtown Boston a few times, to be questioned for deceitfulness due to dry skin and "modifying" my prints, and paying many fees to remain in this country that I love. I also have two children who are born here and they are lawful citizens. During the past 14 years, I have payed taxes, Medicare, and Social Security on my paycheck and payed my taxes each and every year. I always though this country was based on "No taxation without representation" but I guess that does not apply to legal residents.
Now I hear about a plan to make unlawful immigrants in this country permanent residents after 8 years, as long as they have committed less than three crimes and/or have spent less than a year behind bars. I understand we must address this issue of "unlawful immigrants". I have to admit, Mr. President, this has rubbed me the wrong way for several reasons. First of all, you are giving a pardon of some sort to individuals who came here in less than legal ways. I have crossed the border legally each and every time and let's just say that there were times I was treated not so nicely. I was held on a few occasions for TN issues, which, in my opinion, was an excuse to pick on me. I also somehow always get pick for random searches. Why do we treat people who do things the legal way in that particular way.
I also struggle with "only 3 crimes". I have been told on multiple occasions that one crime and I am deported. Not just three crimes or less or less than a year in jail: ANY CRIME. It is appalling  to hear these terms when I get treated as a threat...and I have done nothing but love this country. And let's not even think of the court costs, law enforcement, incarceration that less than three crimes cost. So not only do we have lower standards for unlawful immigrants to become awful, they already have created a cost and never paid taxes.
Mr. President, please don't make legal immigrants regret doing it the right way. Paying taxes, being lawful should not feel this wrong.

Parenting: Not As Easy As It Looks

When I started reading about parenting in my late teens, boy did it sound easy. "Of course, I will use time outs appropriately", "I won't lose my cool", "Positive reinforcement is the only way to go", and my personal favorite "I won't be like the other crazy parents I see". Four and a half years in, I've broken all these ideals a few times, more than I care to write in this blot. Timeouts have been effective some of the time but I'm not sure I always use them right. Telling my kids why they are in timeout prior to sending them? Oh they know what they did! Sometimes, I think the timeouts were for me, not them. I have also caught myself several times. My favorite time was when I sent Catherine in timeout and I took her word on why she was there. Embarrassing to say the least. If losing my cool wad an Olympic sport, I would have a few records. Crowded places drive me nuts, now imagine it with impulsive 2&4 year olds. Not pretty. Also being an only child, I have no clue on sibling rivalry or how to put up with lots of talking and disorganized chaos. Ok, I am French Canadian and speaking over each other is a pastime but still... And please explain to me how you tell your kids you love them equally without World War III erupting and the dueling banjos from Deliverance make their appearance? I do use positive reinforcement fairly regularly but there is something to be said about limit setting once in a blue moon..OK once a day. How can you always be positive? I am positive that it is impossible to do! This is probably my biggest thing I got to work on. I guess that I can do it really well when I sleep well, do not get woken up early, that I am not over-stressed, and that they are getting along...Now all you parents out there, how often does that happen? I thought so! I remember looking at those crazed parents who yell and scream at their children or pull their arms out of their sockets when they are walking or shopping or anywhere in between. I wondered what the hell is wrong with them? I mean the kid is acting up, but that happen with young ones. Now that I have two, I realize that these moments are maybe the end result of a full day of trouble, where the parent used every single possible skill known in parenting and just can't do it anymore. While I still agree that yelling and screaming is wrong, and I really get upset to see kids getting pulled by their arms, I am starting to think those parents aren't as crazy as I though. I never yell or scream at my kids personally...well in public anyway. For those of you who are now horrified and think that my kids are in danger, let me reassure you: I write this in jest. I did want to point out that all ideals that we have as a non-parent are really tough to follow in real life situations but that if you are able to follow these regularly, you are doing a pretty good.

Chris Benoit 5 years later

We are coming up on the 5 year anniversary of the Chris Benoit tragedy. I think of this tragedy many times a year for several reasons: A)I am still a wrestling fan (laugh of you want) B) I always loved Chris' character C) Chris is a born Montrealer D) the criminal justice impact of what he did and his victims, his family E) the reasons for this horrible act with hindsight. For those of you who may not remember or know about this case, Chris Benoit was a former professional wrestler who killed his wife and two kids before killing himself. It was mediatized as wrestlers acting out and being bad people. The discussion of brain injury came up at the time slightly and is now considered the actual reason for this gruesome crime. This was all triggered a few days ago when I read that Our Lady Peace has not played "Whatever", Chris Benoit's theme song, since this tragic day. That angered me. I think it is backwards to think that if we don't talk about it, it will go away. It's destructive and short sighted. It's also pretty ignorant. "If you ignore history, you are doomed to repeat it" someone once said. Chris was a decent man who had been married to his job for many years. In order to do that, he took many risks who caused physical injuries, as well as brain and psychological injuries. To be able to perform for the fans, he dealt with injuries, using medications. One could assume pain medications, as well as steroids. We have devilized him for the end of his life. However, we must look at other stuff before we put squarely on him. First of all, I understand he put those medications in his body. However, why did he do this? Was it the wrestling business? The fans? Other stuff? A little of all four of these factors? That, to me, is the real answer. Some will say I am putting blame on others. I believe that we are quick to blame a single factor as it is easier. But when is a negative event the result of a single factor? Chris Benoit probably shouldn't have taken all those medications. He probably should have stayed home and rest. But how many of you get paid to stay home? How many of you would actually stay home until you were 100% better? How many of you take all your meds "as prescribed" and then return to work when your med regimen has taken it's course...OK how many were able to say that they did all these things as prescribed and who cares if they get paid? That is what I though. Some of his violence may have been due to all this and pressures of employers, as well as society. We can devilized Chris Benoit but he is no different than most of us. If we learned to look at people as people who make mistakes instead of going into "black and white" thinking, we would be able to understand others better and ourselves. Let me know what you think of this blog.

Why I love Howard Stern and try to follow his example

For most of you, you know I got Sirius within weeks of hearing that Howard Stern was going to satellite.  For some of you, you don't know how much I admire Howard Stern and have followed him since 1997, when he came to CHOM in Montreal. I also watched him CBS until I moved to the US in 1999.
Now there is many reasons I like Howard but I'll try to focus only a few of the reasons. My number one reason for listening to him is that he is honest. He says what he means and means what he says. He does not apologize for who he is. Sure, he does say some of his stuff for shock value but even beneath this shock, there is a grain of truth in it that most people can relate to. Now I already know some people tune out of my blog at this point but please, give it a chance.
Howard grew up in a neighborhood in which he was "different". Now you tell me you cannot relate to that? I have lived a life where I felt different in certain ways: I grew up with a French mother and an English father. I went to French school, while watching mostly English TV. I was the "Bloke" for French speaking Quebecers and the "squarehead" and "Jean-Guy Pepper" for the English speaking Quebecers. I am a Canadian in the USA. You get the picture. Sometimes you feel like an outsider. I know I have. Howard was an outsider in his jobs, whether on the radio, TV, or movies. He hit the big time and still feels like he does not fit in. Again, sound familiar.
He also uses everyday language, the language that some of you are way too embarrassed to admit use. But if you really listen to him, he does not square to only "shock" but to put emphasis on his points. And he also has real feelings. It is so hard to find someone who can be genuine in his feelings but Howard is. If it offends you, listen to the message, don't get hung up on the swear. Listen. And frankly, I like to talk that way and I have put that in place in my practice. Why? People relate to real words, not the psycho-babble. And I think people relate to honest, from the heart words. Think about it: If I say "That sounds difficult" does it really have the same impact and feeling that "That's f#ck up" has? I don't think so. And if someone is in a "difficult" situation, someone else saying that it's messed up makes them feel your empathy.
I have like 40 other points but I'll leave you on this: Howard is who he is and does not make excuses for it. I wish more people were like that. If he messes up, he'll fess up. But most people don't remember all the good stuff he did: He stayed broadcasting in New York on 9/11 and gave all his staff the opportunity to leave if they wanted. He has stayed loyal to all his staff when they have had issues. He has helped people in the "Wack Pack", people most people do not want to deal with. He has given an open mike to people who needed one. He has given to countless charities, but does not want the publicity. He has a heart. He did not publicly destroy his ex-wife prior or after his divorce. He never brought his girls in his work and was very protective of them.
All in all, Howard is more like everyone of us than some of you want to admit. That is maybe one reason people are "repulsed" by him. He is more like us than we want to believe. And even if you still don't want to hear him, you have a choice: Instead of being upset, change the channel. I don't like Rush Linbaugh so I don't listen to him. I don't complain about him, I just change the channel if I hear him. But I for one, think Howard is relatable, honest, and real. And maybe, just maybe, he will bring you to change your way of thinking.